A Sense of Self, Chaper 13
A Sense of Self, Chapter 13 - 2007: Washington, D.C.
Author: Dr. B
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Emily/JJ
Rating: FRT
Summary: Being an undercover agent seemed like the obvious choice; Emily had spent her childhood pretending to be someone she wasn’t in order to please her politician parents or to survive always being the new kid at school. After her last undercover assignment, Emily was transferred to the BAU - no cover necessary. As she tries to adjust and simply be herself she realizes that she’s no longer sure who Emily Prentiss really is.
Thanks to nikonic for the beta
2007 - Quantico, VA
Emily woke up with her heart pounding in her ears, and she could barely catch her breath. It was the third nightmare in so many nights since returning from Great Falls, Montana. It's not as though this was her first case where all the victims were brunettes, more specifically targeted because they were brunettes. Generally she was unphased by the victimology, so she couldn't figure out why she had woken up in a cold sweat for the last three nights with the image of a man with a scar on his left cheek leering at her still in her mind.
"Fuck," she whispered, throwing the covers off of herself. It was only two in the morning. If she were an optimist she would think, great, if I fall asleep now, I'll still have four-and-a-half hours before my alarm goes off.
But she was a realist. She'd been having nightmares long enough to know that it was more a matter of being awake, anxious, and shaky for the next four-and-a-half hours until she got up to get ready for work.
She padded down the stairs to the kitchen with the intention of making herself tea. But before settling on the teakettle, her eyes wandered to the bottle of red wine that she had started at dinner the night before.
Oh, what the hell, she thought. It's not as though the camomile tea really works anyway.
She poured herself a glass and settled on the couch to watch some TV and wait for her body to stop feeling like she just ran a marathon. She had a few episodes of Battlestar Galactica on her DVR and pulled one of them up. It was one she'd already watched, which was good because even after only a few sips, the wine was starting to make her feel a little more relaxed.
#
Emily jerked awake again; her heart was beating fast, but she didn't have that overwhelming sense of fear as she did when she woke up from one of her nightmares. She could hear an incessant beeping coming from upstairs.
"Shit!" She jumped from the couch when she saw that it was five past seven. "Shit!" she exclaimed again for good measure. Not only was she running late, but her neck and back felt like she'd just fallen asleep while attempting some circus-act contortionism.
She ran upstairs and turned off her alarm clock. She stared at the clock as though it would have the answer as to whether she had enough time for a shower. She ran her hand through her hair and that answered her question; she definitely needed a shower.
She stood under the hot water, wishing desperately that it would undo the knots in her neck and back. She spent more time letting the hot water cascade over her than she should have given the circumstances, but when she got out the of shower she actually felt better. She threw on some clothes, made a half-hearted attempt at doing her make-up, and grabbed a bagel before running out the door.
#
"…and fourteen new consults for Prentiss." Emily heard JJ say as she slid into her seat in the conference room. The briefing had already started and clearly JJ had already started going through the cases.
"Ha ha," Emily said, narrowing her eyes at JJ.
"It's what happens when you're late, Princess," Morgan said with a smile. "We've decided all cases should be assigned based on a not it methodology."
Both he and Reid simultaneously put their index fingers on their respective noses.
"Cute," Emily said trying to keep the sarcasm from her voice. "Have you been practicing?"
"The Nose Goes has been a widely acception selection method for decades. It made its first appearance in popular culture in 1979 in the movie Meatballs," Reid explained.
Hotch cleared his throat. "Now that we've wasted another four minutes of everyone's time, let's get back to the cases, shall we? Especially since everyone is actually here."
Emily didn't miss his pointed expression or tone of voice. She looked over at Rossi, who had a bemused expression on his face. She felt like she should be trying harder to impress him; after all, he was considered the grandfather of profiling. When JJ started to speak, Emily turned quickly to face the front of the room and winced as her neck muscles restated their displeasure with her sleep posture last night.
"No new travelling cases today and we're not back in the queue for travelling until Monday, so I figured we may as well plow through the backlog of cases that have been piling up on my desk," JJ explained. "And of course when I say we I mean you."
"Can't you force her to take the profiling course?" Morgan asked, turning to Hotch.
"Number one, not everyone wants to be a profiler," JJ said, not giving Hotch a chance to respond. "And number two, I'm certainly not going to do it just to relieve your lazy ass of some work."
Hotch just shrugged his shoulders when Morgan looked at him with raised eyebrows.
JJ walked around the table handing out the files. When she got to Morgan, she paused and quickly grabbed the top file off of the stack in front of Reid. She stuck it on Morgan's pile.
"Hey!" Morgan exclaimed.
"Hey!" Emily echoed.
"What are you hey'ing about, Prentiss?" Morgan asked indignantly. "I'm the one with the extra file."
"I know. But why did it have to come from Reid's pile? I should be the one with one fewer file," Emily explained.
"Actually, I believe that it's actually most appropriate that I have the least number of files. Based on our prior physical fitness testing, my arm muscle strength was considerably less than both yours and Morgan's. Therefore, I shouldn't be expected to carry such heavy piles of paper," Reid pointed out.
"Are you kidding me, man?" Morgan said shaking his head.
"Well, as much fun as it is to watch the three of you bicker like a bunch of second-graders, I'm off to work on these," Rossi said picking up his files and standing up.
"He started it," Emily said, pointing at Morgan.
"I don't think you're helping," Reid told her as Hotch stood up, also shaking his head and wearing a bemused expression.
"Oh shut up, spaghetti arms," Emily said, sticking her tongue out at him. "I'm going to go work on these." Her attempt to exit in a huff would have been more effective if she hadn't winced when her neck muscles twinged again.
#
"Are you okay, Em?" JJ asked.
Emily felt warm hands on her shoulders and turned upward to face her. She regretted that movement and was unable to hide her discomfort.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Emily said, knowing that she looked and sounded unconvincing. She nearly jumped out of her seat when JJ's thumb pressed into the back of her neck.
"Oh yeah, you seem fine," JJ retorted, continuing to apply steady pressure to the knotted muscles in Emily's neck and shoulders.
"Do we all get massages, JJ?" Morgan asked.
"If you get those reports on my desk in the next fifteen minutes, I'll give you a massage, too," JJ promised.
Emily laughed when she saw Morgan's expression of frustration. "I swear you dropped another file on there on when I went to the bathroom."
"It's true, I did," Emily whispered loudly to JJ, who laughed.
"What are you doing for dinner tonight?" JJ asked.
"I hadn't thought about it, but I have no plans to deviate from my usual dinner M.O."
"Can I come over?" JJ asked.
"Yeah, Prentiss, can I come over?" Morgan parroted.
"Why are you acting like a third-grader today?" Emily asked Morgan, ignoring both requests.
"Cuz I wanna." Morgan raised his eyebrows, almost challengingly.
"You're insufferable." Emily rolled her eyes. Morgan just gave her an exasperated look and turned back to his pile of files.
"Dinner?" JJ repeated, continuing her massage.
"Sure," Emily agreed, distracted by the feeling of JJ's hands on her skin. "Any requests?"
"If you're cooking, I'm eating."
"Then I should probably stop being distracted by you rubbing my neck and finish these write-ups," Emily replied.
The massage tapered off, and Emily found herself biting the inside of her cheek, trying to keep herself from breaking out in goose bumps as JJ's fingers brushed lightly against her skin.
"Let me know when you're ready to leave," JJ said, giving her an extra pat on the shoulder before turning to head back to her office.
As Emily turned back to the file she had been working on, she realized that her palms were sweating and her heart was pounding. Shit, Emily thought putting her forehead in her hands, this has to stop.
She tried to distract herself by delving into her consults, an effort that was only partially effective. Luckily Morgan was still acting like a petulant child, so she was more successful at distracting herself by continuing to needle him.
#
"I still have two more consults to finish, but I'm done for the day." Emily poked her head into JJ's office. "I'm going to head out. You're welcome to just come over whenever you get out of here."
"I have a proposal for you," JJ said, waving Emily in and motioning her to sit down. "I was thinking maybe you could teach me how to cook. I could come back to your place now with you, and you can show me how to work your culinary magic."
Emily mentally surveyed her refrigerator and realized that the only dinner ingredients she had were leftover tomato sauce, chili in the freezer, and eggs. Her mind fast-forwarded through going grocery shopping with JJ, having a lengthy and educational cooking experience, and then a long dinner. She had to keep from groaning since her original plan had been to go home, heat up something from the freezer, take a hot bath, and go to bed.
"I'm not really sure that tonight's a good night for that," Emily told her and was about to continue when JJ cut her off.
"It was presumptuous of me to ask," JJ said, her face a mixture of disappointment and embarrassment.
"I should have led with I'd love to give you cooking lessons, but I don't have much in my house other than a few random things that together do not make a meal," Emily explained. "Truthfully, I was planning on defrosting something. And since the microwave does most of the heavy lifting in that task, I'm afraid there's not much for you to learn from it."
JJ nodded. "I understand."
"If you're free this weekend, we could do our first lesson on Saturday," Emily offered. "And if you want some chili, then you're welcome to come over tonight."
JJ smiled. "This weekend is a little busy for me, but that's okay, I can wait. It's not as though I'm going to run out of mac and cheese anytime soon, but chili tonight sounds great. And in return, I can give you another massage to help loosen those knots in your neck."
Emily's mouth went dry, all the moisture suddenly flooding to her palms. Had tonight just gone from having dinner to Having Dinner? Emily had never been particularly skilled at determining when someone was inviting her to go out for coffee versus Coffee, or when things were a date or A Date. So was tonight dinner and a massage or Dinner and a Massage?
"Um, okay," Emily agreed meekly.
"Do you mind if I just get a ride with you? Since we're going to the same place and all," JJ asked.
"How will you get home?" Emily asked, both hoping and petrified that JJ had already thought that through and was asking to stay over. JJ lived just outside of Quantico, about forty minutes from Emily's apartment in D.C., so it wasn't as though they were close to each other.
"Oh yeah, I forgot that detail," JJ said, furrowing her brow. "Never mind."
Emily paused, debating whether she should invite JJ to sleep over. After all, she wasn't inviting her to Sleep Over, just sleep in the guest bedroom again.
"You're welcome to stay over," Emily said, trying to sound casual and nonchalant. You're friends, she reminded herself. Friends sleep over at each other's houses when it's inconvenient for one to return home. You've done it before.
JJ shrugged and Emily couldn't help but wondering if she was trying to appear casual and nonchalant as well. "I have my go-bag with me. Do you mind waiting another twenty minutes or so? I just have two calls I need to finish before I can get out of here."
#
"Hmm, I would've have pegged you as an NPR listener," JJ said as Emily hit play on her iPod and Spanish guitar music filled the car.
"On the way to work, yes. The drive home, however, is dedicated to the effort of trying to forget that there's a world that exists outside of my bathtub." Emily lowered the volume of the music. "If you'd rather listen to something else, feel free to search my playlists."
"This is good," JJ said. She leaned forward and picked up Emily's iPod anyway. "But I still want to check out your playlists."
"Okay, but no profiling allowed," Emily warned.
"I'm not a profiler," JJ insisted.
"You might have the boys fooled by that notion, but not me," Emily said with a smile. "And as long as you don't use your skills for evil, your secret is safe with me."
"I don't understand why you all insist that every insight about someone is gained through profiling," JJ said raising her hands to do finger quotes for emphasis. "It's called friendship and paying attention to the people in your life."
Emily shrugged. "True, I guess I just try not to let my brain dissect my co-workers' actions too much. I mean, do I wonder why Reid prefers to give a short half-wave instead of a handshake? Sure, but it's not like I try to make large inferences into his personality based on the fact he prefers to not touch people's hands."
"It's because he knows that people judge you based on that handshake - is your grip firm enough? Too firm? Are your hands sweaty? Are they soft? Too soft? He figures that people might think he's a quirky germaphobe if he just waves, but they won't be able to run through the traditional list of things a handshake tells you," JJ stated matter-of-factly.
"Really? He told you that?" Emily asked. The explanation was equal parts ridiculous and plausible.
"No." JJ shook her head. "But I figure that it's either that or sheltoelnophobia." Emily glanced at her quizzically. "You know, the fear of having your fingers crushed," JJ explained as though it were a fact Emily should know.
"Ok, so did you know that word before or after you started thinking about Reid's weird handshake issues?" Emily asked only because of JJ's know-it-all tone of voice.
"After," JJ admitted, sounding contrite.
Absentmindedly, Emily reached up and started to rub her neck, which ached more now that she was driving and turning her head from side to side. There was a part of her that was starting to regret having agreed to JJ inviting herself over for dinner. Ever since JJ had started doing things like showing up at her door with beer, kissing her in a bar, and massaging her neck, Emily's ability to compartmentalize her feelings for her co-worker had gone right out the window. She was tired; her head and neck ached, and now she was anxious that she would eventually slip up somehow and reveal her feelings to JJ. It was a lot of effort for a Wednesday night.
"So, what are you doing this weekend?" Emily asked, trying to get away from the topic of profiling each other's personality quirks.
"Oh, just some stuff with some people," JJ stammered. "What kind of chili is it?"
Emily was startled by the guilt in JJ's voice and her sudden change in subject. But following her strong insistence about not profiling each other, Emily tried to ignore the questions that suddenly entered her mind.
"Moose." Out of the corner of her eye, Emily saw JJ's jaw drop. "It's good. My uncle lives in Maine, and he bagged it a few weeks ago."
"Don't you feel at all cannibalistic eating moose?"
"Cannibalistic?" Emily couldn't figure out what JJ was referring to. She was about to ask for some clarification, but then remembered she had told JJ the story about dressing up like a moose in Glacier National Park. She laughed. "I never even thought about it that way, but now that you mention it…
"Nah, I don't think I'm going to have a problem with it," Emily decided after pretending to think about it for a moment.
"Well, if you don't, I definitely don't." JJ smiled and Emily turned her attention back to the road, trying to squelch the butterflies flitting around in her stomach.
#
"Why don't you make yourself comfortable in the living room," Emily suggested when they got into her apartment.
"I know the microwave is the key player, but I can help with dinner," JJ insisted.
"I'll let you help, I promise. I just want to straighten a few things up," Emily explained. Between being away on two cases in the last few weeks and not really sleeping since her arrival home, her ability to keep things orderly at home had dissipated.
"No pressure from me," JJ said, waving her hand dismissively.
"Oh, I know," Emily assured her. Your home is a reflection of who you are. Never forget that you are a Prentiss. She often wondered whether her mother was truly worried that she'd ever forget her status as a Prentiss, and that was the reason why she felt it was so important remind her at every opportunity.
JJ went over to Emily's bookshelf and was already looking through the titles by time Emily realized that she had escaped into her own head for a beat too long. She hurried upstairs to hide all evidence of her insomnia and anything else that might offer any additional insight into herself. After her burst of frenetic cleaning activity, she sat down on her bed to take a few moments to get herself re-centered before dinner. And conversation…with JJ. And potentially a massage…from JJ.
"Emily?"
JJ's voice interrupted her introspection.
"You don't have to iron your sheets, you know," JJ called out.
Emily glanced at her watch and realized that she'd been up in her bedroom for nearly fifteen minutes. She was certain that leaving one's guest alone for fifteen minutes broke at least one of her mother's hostess rules, but at the moment she couldn't recall which one it was exactly.
Stopping her introspection cold, Emily jumped off her bed and hurried back downstairs. "Sorry," she said, guiltily. She knew that she sounded like she'd just been caught hiding her porn collection, so she changed the subject.
"We can make either cornbread or cheddar beer bread to go with the chili," she suggested, already knowing JJ's response.
"I can't believe you had to ask," JJ said shaking her head. "I understand not wanting to profile me, but really, Em, I'm disappointed."
"Cornbread it is then."
"You jerk," JJ said punching her in the arm.
"You always save the olives for the end of the salad because they're your favorite. You always make sure to save one last bite of bacon or sausage to eat with your last bite of pancake. That means you prefer to save things to ensure you'll be able to enjoy them in the future," Emily explained. "It's called delaying gratification. The ability to delay gratification has been linked to intelligence and performance on standardized tests. You got a 1600 on your SATs."
"Now you sound like Reid," JJ told her. "And I still don't understand your point."
"My point is that an intelligent, beer-loving woman who prefers to delay gratification would mostly likely choose the cornbread to ensure there is sufficient beer to drink with the meal," Emily said.
"You have a six-pack in the fridge," JJ pointed out. "There's plenty of beer for both purposes. You should have profiled that if you left me alone long enough, I would've gone through your fridge and pantry.
"Which I did, of course," JJ admitted and added, "and your books and your DVDs."
Emily smiled and shook her head. She wished that the feelings she had for JJ were purely physical because then they would be easier to shake off. But unfortunately getting to know JJ better only led to finding more things to find attractive.
#
"Now where do you keep your massage oil?" JJ asked.
After a delicious and filling dinner of moose chili and cheddar beer bread, she and Emily had sprawled out on the couch watching T.V.
"I'm single and live alone. Why would I own massage oil?" Emily asked, her heart starting to pound in her chest at the prospect of another shoulder massage.
"Because you never know when someone's going to come over and surprise you with a massage." JJ's tone of voice made Emily imagine that she must have several bottles of massage oil at home.
"Given that I've made it thirty-seven years without that ever happening, I guess it never occurred to me."
"You have lotion, right?"
Emily nodded.
"Good enough." JJ stood up. "Sitting up or lying down?"
"You don't really have to give me a massage, Jayje," Emily insisted. "I'm happy to have you over for dinner. It's nice to have the company."
"I know I don't have to give you a massage, but the way you've been moving today just makes my neck ache by looking at you." JJ said, coming behind Emily and placing her hands on her shoulders. Emily shuddered when JJ's thumbs began to softly rub circles along her skin.
Emily had mastered the ability to keep a neutral expression under almost every circumstance; however, she had never managed to control her tendency to break out in goose bumps. Before she knew it, she could feel familiar tingling in her skin.
"Feel good?" JJ asked.
Emily sucked in a sharp breath as she was suddenly flooded with the memory of the first night she spent with Ian Doyle. She leaned forward as though she were trying to escape the memory.
JJ stopped rubbing, but didn't take her hands away. "Did I hurt you?"
"No." Emily let out her breath slowly. "I just…you know when suddenly you remember something and it's almost like you're there?"
"Mm hmm." JJ restarted her massage. "Do you want to tell me about it?"
"Not right now," Emily said. Not ever. She leaned back into JJ's touch, concentrating on the present instead of the past.
Pre-Ian, Emily never had the occasion to get a massage. It's not as though she and the Ambassador ever did mother-daughter spa days or anything like that. Her first massage, romantic or otherwise, was courtesy of Ian Doyle. They had just met for the first time at the bar, and she let him take her home.
"Ohhhh," she groaned as she got out of the car.
"Everything all right, love?" Ian had asked.
"I think I just overdid it on my run yesterday." Emily smiled coyly. She rubbed her lower back, taking the opportunity to stick her chest out a little more.
Ian stepped around her and put his hands on her shoulders. He kissed the back of her neck before he whispered. "I know how to make you feel better."
"Mmmm…" Emily leaned back against him. "I like the sound of that."
Ian wasted no time in getting her upstairs to his bedroom. "I've got some massage oil in the closet here. I'll be right with you, love."
Emily stripped off her shirt and bra, leaving them in a neat pile on the floor. She lay down on her stomach, making sure that her ample cleavage was the first thing he saw when he entered the room.
"Now that's a sight I wouldn't mind be greeted by more often," Ian said appreciatively when he returned to the bedroom.
She laughed. "We'll see about that."
The bed shifted with his weight as he climbed on over her. His legs were pressed firmly against her hips as he straddled her. Her stomach flipped when she felt his hands on her back. They were larger and rougher than most of the hands that had caressed her skin. Her heart was racing and her skin broke out in goose bumps. This response
"Feels good?" Ian asked, softly running his finger along her back.
"Mmmm…feels wonderful so far," she moaned. He increased the pressure of his massage and she accordingly increased her appreciation. "Oh, yeah, right there. Ohhhh…"
Men are so easy. She couldn't take credit for the idea though. That was all Sean's doing.
"Believe me, no red-blooded Irishman is going to turn down a lass who's already lying topless in his bed," he assured her.
"Really?" Emily laughed. "Men are that easy?"
"I'm sure the ladies are, too, Emmy, but you're too afraid to be brazen enough to pull it off when it matters." Sean was the only member of the team that knew that Emily was a lesbian.
She was worried about the fact that this assignment hinged on her seduction skills since her personal life was a testament to a near-complete lack thereof. Sean was right of course; Emily had all the skills of manipulating her voice and her body movements to maximize flirtation, but these were skills that were never exploited when the flirting was real. But once Ian was greeted by the sight of her half-naked body, Emily had him.
"Is this okay?"
"Mm hmm." Emily didn't trust herself to say much more than that. The softness of JJ's skin against her own was making her dangerously close to breaking every rule she or her mother had ever instituted.
"Good. Is it okay if I run up to your bathroom and grab your lotion?" JJ asked.
"Mmm, it's okay. I can do it," Emily told her. Even though she'd done a quick job of straightening up her room, she wasn't comfortable with the notion that JJ would be rooting around her things.
"Do you want to stay upstairs and you can get your massage lying down?" JJ asked.
Trying to appear indifferent proved harder than Emily thought it would. She shrugged awkwardly and said too loudly, "whatever you think is best."
"Definitely lying down," JJ said, turning to head up the stairs before Emily could say or do anything else.
Emily hurried up the stairs behind her and stopped in the bathroom, grabbing the first bottle of lotion she saw.
"I'll turn around and you can take your shirt off and lie on your stomach over here," JJ said patting the foot of Emily's bed.
Sean's words echoed in her head. A topless woman moaning appreciatively at your touch was difficult to resist. Emily felt her cheeks flush at the thought and was certain that JJ saw that before she turned around.
Emily quickly shimmied out of her shirt and removed her bra. She would have to go past JJ's eye line to put her clothes in the hamper so she kicked them under her bed. She lay down on the bed and made sure that absolutely everything that should be covered was.
"Okay," she said softly. Her only hope was that the feeling as though the pounding of her heart was reverberating through her entire body wasn't something that JJ would be able to pick up on.
It seemed to take forever from the time that she heard JJ squirt the lotion into her hands until she felt JJ's hands on her skin. She sighed when she realized that it had taken so long because JJ had obviously warmed the lotion up in her hands.
"Wow, Em, your shoulders are so tight. And I can feel that knot in your neck that's been making you move like a robot all day," JJ said after working for a few minutes.
Emily closed her eyes and let herself relax into JJ's touch, trying to appreciate the massage for what it was. "That feels great."
"Good, I'm glad," JJ said, changing the tempo of the massage. "Just relax, and if you fall asleep, I promise I'll wake you when I'm done, so you don't end up with the same issue tomorrow."
#
"Em. Emily." She heard her name being called and realized that it must be time for dinner.
"Make sure the chicken is crispy," she muttered.
"I didn't know that you talked in your sleep."
"What?" Sleep? Talking? Emily was confused. "What?"
"Emily." The voice was loud and firm. "Wake up."
She blinked her eyes and saw JJ sitting on her bed, positioned with her hand ready to flick Emily in the forehead. Massage. JJ.
"Oh shit, I fell asleep," Emily said sitting up. "I'm sorry."
It wasn't until she saw JJ staring at her that she realized that she'd taken off her shirt and bra for the massage. Her cheeks flushed and she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Where did you leave your shirt?" JJ asked, looking around for it. Or if nothing else, trying to look anywhere except at Emily.
"I shoved it under the bed," Emily admitted. She got up and grabbed a t-shirt from one of her drawers and threw it on. "I'm sorry I fell asleep," she repeated.
"It's okay," JJ said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I could tell that your breathing changed, so I stopped pretty much after that. You were only out for about five minutes.
"I would've let you sleep longer," she added. "But I figured it would weird you out to be asleep for too long with me just running amok in your house."
Emily smiled. "I'm not sure there's much more for you explore - you've already gone through my books, movies, music and refrigerator."
"I'm sure there's more to you than your media and your food," JJ told her.
Emily felt her face flush again.
"I never would have taken the ever stoic Agent Prentiss as someone who blushes quite as often as you do."
"It's the curse of having pale skin," Emily said; she'd used the line often enough that it came without thinking. "Do you want to go back downstairs and watch some T.V.?" she asked, eager to change the subject.
"How's about the T.V. in the guest room?" JJ suggested. "We can change into our p.j.'s."
"Sure," Emily said. Great, we can snuggle under the covers and watch T.V. Sounds perfect. "I'll be there in a few minutes."
#
"So, do you have a bottle of massage oil just lying around on the off chance someone stops by?" Emily asked.
They had settled into the guest bed and were under the covers. There wasn't much on other than some reruns, so neither of them was paying close attention to the T.V.
JJ smiled. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Have you had occasion to use it?" Emily asked.
"Of course I have," JJ answered. "Massages happen to be a very nice gateway activity."
Her experience with Ian Doyle had made that point quite clear. "Ah yes, I've heard."
"It doesn't work quite as well when the other person falls asleep though," JJ said quietly. Emily looked up at her and JJ winked.
Emily had no response other than to blink quickly a few times. Should she make a joke? Should she ask for clarification? Should she play along? There were so many retorts and questions making their way around Emily's mind that she completely froze.
JJ shook her head. "I'm just kidding."
"Were you?" The question was out of her mouth before it even fully formed in her mind.
"Am I way off base?" JJ asked.
This was the moment. JJ just laid down her cards. Well, at least most of them. Emily noticed that she managed to keep a few of them close to her chest. Now came the part where she had to decide how much of her own hand Emily would show.
"Not way off," Emily said, still trying to hedge her bets. Never let someone know how much something means to you. There were few moments that are more vulnerable than those that happen right before a first kiss.
And that's when it happened. JJ leaned over and kissed Emily gently on the lips. It was a tentative kiss, but it lasted long enough that there was no question about JJ's intentions. JJ's lips were warm, and Emily couldn't help but wonder if JJ found the kiss as amazing as did. Emily parted her lips slightly and felt JJ's tongue slide between them. She heard and felt JJ's moan as she did so. For a few wonderful seconds, Emily managed to stay out of her head and remain present in the situation.
Emily pulled away from the kiss first, not because she wanted it to end, but because she needed to see JJ's face. Her expression was a mixture of excitement and fear, mirroring the same hopefulness and hesitancy that Emily felt.
They would need to talk about this, to set ground rules, and establish expectations. But this wasn't the time for that. Emily leaned in to return the kiss before she could start thinking of the ways she was going to fail to meet those expectations.
Chapter 14
If you want to go waaaay back... Chapter 1