Changes, and Yet
I loathe this day. My brain won't ever let me forget anniversaries and assigns importance to them. It's great for remembering happy occasions. It's terrible for ones that leave me feeling loss, betrayal, abandonment, and pain.
I'm a father now, since April 19. I no longer feel stuck in place, despite often being literally stuck in place while I care for him throughout the day. I am doing what I should be doing toward my goals, though there is always more to be done. Quitting my job has done wonders for me, and I'm genuinely happier now.
But I am also not very well rested, and the opportunities for me to exercise are not what they used to be. And this leads to a brain vulnerable to negative thoughts. You're going to mess this up. He's going to dislike you. Frustration, however infrequent, is a sign of personal failure. When you go out for your weekly gaming day, you're failing your wife who is going to start to resent you, if she doesn't already. Everyone else does and won't tell you outright, but you know they do.
I'm also going without coffee today, which doesn't help my mental state, but should hopefully help my sleep tonight. And then maybe I can silence the negative thoughts once more.
I may start seeing a therapist if this doesn't stay localized to this weekend. We do have our wedding anniversary Tuesday. I'll see what that does for me. And, again, hopefully I'll get some decent sleep once more. Neighbors' fun with fireworks allowing.
I'm a father now, since April 19. I no longer feel stuck in place, despite often being literally stuck in place while I care for him throughout the day. I am doing what I should be doing toward my goals, though there is always more to be done. Quitting my job has done wonders for me, and I'm genuinely happier now.
But I am also not very well rested, and the opportunities for me to exercise are not what they used to be. And this leads to a brain vulnerable to negative thoughts. You're going to mess this up. He's going to dislike you. Frustration, however infrequent, is a sign of personal failure. When you go out for your weekly gaming day, you're failing your wife who is going to start to resent you, if she doesn't already. Everyone else does and won't tell you outright, but you know they do.
I'm also going without coffee today, which doesn't help my mental state, but should hopefully help my sleep tonight. And then maybe I can silence the negative thoughts once more.
I may start seeing a therapist if this doesn't stay localized to this weekend. We do have our wedding anniversary Tuesday. I'll see what that does for me. And, again, hopefully I'll get some decent sleep once more. Neighbors' fun with fireworks allowing.