::sighs::
everythings so confusing....
i feel bad for nate..he keeps getting hurt by his girlfriend....i just want him to see it for once. quit letting her control him the way shes doing...you know? i dunno it just makes me wanna cry to see him this way... it makes me cry actually. this is my best friend, and hes being hurt so much (to the point of doing things i did) ...by the one he loves...
i may not know the whole thing..but from what i do hear..i feel bad. i love nate the way a sister loves her brother. the way a best friend's supposed to love their friend...hes my parneter in crime, you know?
even moreso, things are just as confusing with me and eric....
...i want things to go back to the way they were....
...i'm running in circles. he's trying not to hurt me...i know hes not, but i can feel it....its hurting me more and more since deep down i know he doesnt love me the way i do...i love him so much....
...when can eric get his thoughts straight and figure out how he wants me? like...does he want me as his friend...or something more?
...i just wanna go to bed and find it to be exactly last year...i think actually its been one year since i first cut myself...i think...well...no, tomorrow. Then friday was the next day...and he saw, the saturday (which was friday last year) we had the bball game...and he made me so happy...he cared about me so much
..then a week after that i went to his house...and he told me that he wanted to be with me...i remeber the whole night....and he was like..ill wait for you to make up your mind..i dont want tofeel like im pressuring you but you need to know that i wont be here forever....
..a week later..a little less..it was thursday april 29th, i said i wanted to, and we were "official"
...i could see in his eyes, the way he smelled, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g ....it showed he loved me...but was afraid to say it.
... ... ... ....
but now....its different, i see it, i really do. we both do. things arent he same anymore. i blame myself....i know i couldve prevented the witnesses, i could've tried harder....
i dunno. i jus want him to love me..i want to know it, to feel it, more importantly to sense it....i dunno...
but yeah...maybe someday things will make sense. and i wont feel sad anymore.
my throat hurts a lot...im gonna go stop and cry now....
i feel bad for nate..he keeps getting hurt by his girlfriend....i just want him to see it for once. quit letting her control him the way shes doing...you know? i dunno it just makes me wanna cry to see him this way... it makes me cry actually. this is my best friend, and hes being hurt so much (to the point of doing things i did) ...by the one he loves...
i may not know the whole thing..but from what i do hear..i feel bad. i love nate the way a sister loves her brother. the way a best friend's supposed to love their friend...hes my parneter in crime, you know?
even moreso, things are just as confusing with me and eric....
...i want things to go back to the way they were....
...i'm running in circles. he's trying not to hurt me...i know hes not, but i can feel it....its hurting me more and more since deep down i know he doesnt love me the way i do...i love him so much....
...when can eric get his thoughts straight and figure out how he wants me? like...does he want me as his friend...or something more?
...i just wanna go to bed and find it to be exactly last year...i think actually its been one year since i first cut myself...i think...well...no, tomorrow. Then friday was the next day...and he saw, the saturday (which was friday last year) we had the bball game...and he made me so happy...he cared about me so much
..then a week after that i went to his house...and he told me that he wanted to be with me...i remeber the whole night....and he was like..ill wait for you to make up your mind..i dont want tofeel like im pressuring you but you need to know that i wont be here forever....
..a week later..a little less..it was thursday april 29th, i said i wanted to, and we were "official"
...i could see in his eyes, the way he smelled, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g ....it showed he loved me...but was afraid to say it.
... ... ... ....
but now....its different, i see it, i really do. we both do. things arent he same anymore. i blame myself....i know i couldve prevented the witnesses, i could've tried harder....
i dunno. i jus want him to love me..i want to know it, to feel it, more importantly to sense it....i dunno...
but yeah...maybe someday things will make sense. and i wont feel sad anymore.
my throat hurts a lot...im gonna go stop and cry now....