jayne you keep me alive
Today I am balled up on a bar stool at park chow, where Jayne is giving me free orange juice and tiny glasses of beer. lately i've noticed that the thinner your rope, the more carefully you walk on it. and it seems to me that the more carefully you walk, the more people start of gather to catch you.
i think i've started to get old. pictures on the internet of my junior high school friends and their babies made me wonder when they started to look like adults. even though i've been married for 5 years, i don't think real life hit until a little after college. suddenly i'm working for a living, instead of-- what exactly-- working to give the appearance of maturity i guess. maybe it's the erratic hours of coffee retail, or the lonesomeness of missing big family holidays and cooking thanksgiving for two, or just knowing that most of my paycheck barely puts a roof over my head, but something too real seems to be weighing down on the hollows of my eyes.
still, it wasn't until i started playing music that i realised there's a difference between a dream and an ambition. my personal statement for universities was truthfully a rant about escaping purposelessness, (how embarrassing). i feel like i have more passion now that i'm older, which is probably backwards. even though i'm growing more and more numb to the routine around me, inside i feel something burning brighter every day.
i think i've started to get old. pictures on the internet of my junior high school friends and their babies made me wonder when they started to look like adults. even though i've been married for 5 years, i don't think real life hit until a little after college. suddenly i'm working for a living, instead of-- what exactly-- working to give the appearance of maturity i guess. maybe it's the erratic hours of coffee retail, or the lonesomeness of missing big family holidays and cooking thanksgiving for two, or just knowing that most of my paycheck barely puts a roof over my head, but something too real seems to be weighing down on the hollows of my eyes.
still, it wasn't until i started playing music that i realised there's a difference between a dream and an ambition. my personal statement for universities was truthfully a rant about escaping purposelessness, (how embarrassing). i feel like i have more passion now that i'm older, which is probably backwards. even though i'm growing more and more numb to the routine around me, inside i feel something burning brighter every day.