All of this...All of this sucks.
I had helped Cordelia. I had done everything that she asked. I had sttod by her, and then Mother came forth and told me that this wasn't me. That I couldn't kill a girl just to make the birth happen quicker.
I wanted to believe Darla, even though she was an evil vampire who had terrorized Holtz and had murdered his family, every bit as much as Angelus had. I wanted to believe in her, too. I wanted to believe in her more then I did Angelus, because I hated Angelus. Even when he was Angel, he wasn't fooling me, and now that he was Angelus, I could kill him. I would kill him, especially after the birth.
I believed in my Mother. She was dead and the vision of her was so sweet, I felt closer to her, ever then I would with Angelus. Angelus was the one that had pushed Darla into doing all of those evil things in the past, and as my Mom spoke to me in the room, I tried to urge Cordelia into not killing this girl...into having the child normally. It had happened so fast, that I was worried about the birth, but Cordy was so big, that she had to have the baby soon, but not this way.
I was unusual, and strange and a freak, just like my parents, so it didn't scare me that she was pregnant so fast and not in nine months like a normal woman. But, as I backed away, Cordelia said that we needed to do this for our baby, and that the baby would die if she had to wait. I had no idea of what to do and didn't know anything about pregnancies and bith's, other then that mine had sucked because my Mother had staked herself so that I could be born.
Cordy did it herself and looked angered with me when she did. I didn't like that. She was the only thing on this Earth...she and our baby, that I believed in, and while Gunn, Fred and Wesley were okay, they weren't worth surviving a hell in which there was total darkness, a beast that was connected to my evil father killing everything in Los Angeles, and nothing to live for, and nobody that cared about me, outside of Cordy.
When she killed the child, my Mother's vision disappeared as she cried, and I felt like it was all wrong, and was something else in this world that really sucked. Then, in a burst of light, right after she had poured the dead girl's blood all over her hands, the baby was born, and again, I didn't know crap about birth, but it was so bright, that I couldn't see it. Then, the baby disappeared, and I knew, I just knew that the baby was dead. The baby was gone and it had to be dead.
Cordy was unconscious, and like a reflex, I went to her, and grabbed her and shook her. There was no blood from her and there would have had to have been blood if she had delivered a baby. Because I was such a freak, the baby had died. Cordy couldn't come to term with it.
I tried to wake her, enraged, seething, but she didn't wake, and I feared that she was dead. I grabbed her arm. "Cordy! Cordy!" I held her in my arms and she had a pulse, but she wasn't responding. There was like nothing there. This world sucked, and it sucked for one reason. Always one reason. Angelus. Angel. Angelus. Angelus was on the loose and he was the reason I was born into this shitty world and why my child had died at birth and why Cordy would kill an innocent girl to try to keep her alive.
I rushed out the apartment, after putting her on the bed. I would come back to her. I would come back and hope for her, after I killed every vampire coming here because of the permanent darkness and eespecially after I killed Angelus.
I wanted to believe Darla, even though she was an evil vampire who had terrorized Holtz and had murdered his family, every bit as much as Angelus had. I wanted to believe in her, too. I wanted to believe in her more then I did Angelus, because I hated Angelus. Even when he was Angel, he wasn't fooling me, and now that he was Angelus, I could kill him. I would kill him, especially after the birth.
I believed in my Mother. She was dead and the vision of her was so sweet, I felt closer to her, ever then I would with Angelus. Angelus was the one that had pushed Darla into doing all of those evil things in the past, and as my Mom spoke to me in the room, I tried to urge Cordelia into not killing this girl...into having the child normally. It had happened so fast, that I was worried about the birth, but Cordy was so big, that she had to have the baby soon, but not this way.
I was unusual, and strange and a freak, just like my parents, so it didn't scare me that she was pregnant so fast and not in nine months like a normal woman. But, as I backed away, Cordelia said that we needed to do this for our baby, and that the baby would die if she had to wait. I had no idea of what to do and didn't know anything about pregnancies and bith's, other then that mine had sucked because my Mother had staked herself so that I could be born.
Cordy did it herself and looked angered with me when she did. I didn't like that. She was the only thing on this Earth...she and our baby, that I believed in, and while Gunn, Fred and Wesley were okay, they weren't worth surviving a hell in which there was total darkness, a beast that was connected to my evil father killing everything in Los Angeles, and nothing to live for, and nobody that cared about me, outside of Cordy.
When she killed the child, my Mother's vision disappeared as she cried, and I felt like it was all wrong, and was something else in this world that really sucked. Then, in a burst of light, right after she had poured the dead girl's blood all over her hands, the baby was born, and again, I didn't know crap about birth, but it was so bright, that I couldn't see it. Then, the baby disappeared, and I knew, I just knew that the baby was dead. The baby was gone and it had to be dead.
Cordy was unconscious, and like a reflex, I went to her, and grabbed her and shook her. There was no blood from her and there would have had to have been blood if she had delivered a baby. Because I was such a freak, the baby had died. Cordy couldn't come to term with it.
I tried to wake her, enraged, seething, but she didn't wake, and I feared that she was dead. I grabbed her arm. "Cordy! Cordy!" I held her in my arms and she had a pulse, but she wasn't responding. There was like nothing there. This world sucked, and it sucked for one reason. Always one reason. Angelus. Angel. Angelus. Angelus was on the loose and he was the reason I was born into this shitty world and why my child had died at birth and why Cordy would kill an innocent girl to try to keep her alive.
I rushed out the apartment, after putting her on the bed. I would come back to her. I would come back and hope for her, after I killed every vampire coming here because of the permanent darkness and eespecially after I killed Angelus.