contents of a samsonite bag
contents of a samsonite bag
yunho/junsu
g
a/n. for kallistei, for her birthday ♥♥ the song in the entry is 'like it or not' by darren hayes, and i've provided an embed to listen while you read.
i've been broken, shut down and useless
feet above me
hands in the air
you got me falling over and over
you got me twisted tied up and tangled
When it's all said and done, they say they're still Dongbangshinki, but Junsu's not sure he believes it. Jaejoong's been signed to do solo for Avex, Yoochun's caught between here and there, Changmin's always had brains to fall back on and Yunho's a natural-born leader, teacher, father.
Junsu's got singing but it's not the same anymore. They say he lives and breathes it, but Junsu never told anyone about the life support he's been on for ten years, the one that's being ripped from him and shredded to pieces. He's re-evaluating his life and it's just not passing the test. There are too many things he's been afraid to do or say, and standing in an awkward circle that's re-shaping itself by the second makes him wonder if maybe he should just-
"I love you guys," Yunho says softly, and there's this crack in his voice that only they can hear.
Junsu keeps his fears to himself and murmurs agreement with everyone else. He was never good at what-ifs, anyway.
i do it all for you
you know i've been a fool for you
i thought i tripped on a shoelace
i look down and it's only you
"I'm going to see the world," Junsu says to Yunho, a week after they've had nothing to do but pick up the pieces and start over. Junsu's never been good at cleaning and he's restless for something more than what he's got. He's got nothing, but that's just an obstacle he'll overcome like all the others. Maybe after, he'll take SM's offer, even if he's still not sure singing alone is something he wants to do now.
Yunho's halfway through the bottle of soju and Junsu's only had one glass. "Leaving us?" he asks, and maybe it's supposed to be teasing but it makes Junsu's heart ache either way.
"No," he says, starting on the second. "I'll be back eventually, you know." I could never live without you, Junsu wants to add, but it gets choked under the burn of alcohol. Yunho doesn't seem to have heard it, no matter how much Junsu wishes he had. "There's just something I need."
Yunho smiles at Junsu, that genuine, soft thing he used to give Junsu before debut, when all Junsu thought about was what he wanted to become. He's been there and done that and now it's just another thing to remember Yunho by. "You'll find it," Yunho assures, and Junsu believes him, if he doesn't believe anything else.
Junsu's always been a light packer. Yoochun used to make fun of him for it, all bright-eyed and soft laughter. Junsu wishes he had that now, to ease the butterflies he swallowed somewhere between packing 'Sorry girls, I'm gay' and a hoodie he'd stole from Changmin ages ago and kept forgetting to give back. There's also a mix CD from Yoochun and Jaejoong stuck between his socks and toothbrush, and a mini first aid kit with bandages and antibiotic ointment that Yunho gave him - just in case, Yunho'd said.
There's pictures in the zipper compartment of the suitcase's top, almost all of them taken by Jaejoong to chart the years, all in order against the holed fabric. Junsu pauses for a moment to take in their young, hopeful faces, remembering those times like they were only yesterday. The last few pictures have a sadness about them that only few can really see. Junsu's smile looks a little worn in them and he wonders if it still looks that way now.
Junsu makes to finish sorting necessary clothes from the ones he doesn't need, when crinkling beneath his foot stops him. He picks up a picture of Yunho, pre-debut and smiling happy and crooked, the light playing off the rough edges of the now-ruined photograph awkwardly. It looks like Yunho is shining.
now i'm standing at a terminal waiting to connect to another plane
and if i told you i just canceled my flight to america
would you call me insane?
everything i am has been neatly contained into
the contents of a samsonite bag
me, a laptop, two suitcases and i'm coming to see you
whether you like it or not
"So," Yunho says, hands in his pockets as he rocks back on his heels. "You're really doing this?" Yunho's the only one who could come to the airport to see Junsu off. Jaejoong had contract stuff to work on, Yoochun hadn't answered his phone, and Changmin had to go see about his classes. Yunho's still deciding where he's going to go after everything, but for now, he's here.
Junsu scratches the back of his head, feeling awkward. "Yeah," he says, smiling softly. "Yeah, I really am." He runs a finger along the strap of his carry-on, licks his lips, all of his nervous habits hitting him one after the other. "You gonna miss me?"
Yunho scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he's smiling. "Nah, we'll be fine without you," he says lightly, but Junsu knows they're both thinking of Yoochun right now. Yunho will call Yoochun until he picks up, after this, and if Yoochun doesn't, Yunho will go and confront him. Yunho, Junsu knows, will always be the leader. Junsu must have a frown on his face, because Yunho waves his hand in front of Junsu's face with a soft, "hey," and smiles again, this time in assurance. "He'll be fine, don't worry."
Junsu laughs at that, relieved, and nods in agreement. "You'll make sure he eats?" he says more than asks.
Yunho steps forward and hugs Junsu tightly. "I'll take care of them all. You know me."
Junsu laughs again, softer and muffled for the way he's holding onto Yunho just as tightly, face pressed into Yunho's neck to memorize the scent of him for the long plane ride ahead. "Okay," he says quietly, pushing away after a long moment. "Don't miss me too much."
"I won't," Yunho says, grinning. "Promise."
Junsu looks back before he steps out of sight, at Yunho with his hands in his pockets and people all around him, looking like just some normal guy, and he's not shining. He's just Yunho, the man Junsu fell in love with and never told. Junsu turns away, feeling heavy - he never promised not to be the one who's doing the missing.
mine is a restless heart, don't try to fix it
you know sometimes, sometimes i want it to ache
Bora Bora, Prague and Paris are different when you're by yourself. Junsu gets lost in cities with too many people and their unfamiliar faces, but in a way, it's refreshing. He doesn't have to worry about anything, he can just walk around for hours and soak it all in - the sand between his toes, the choppy conversations in Czech all around him, the scents of the bakeries. In his heart though, Junsu knows he doesn't belong in any of these places, no matter what the rest of him tries to say. The beauty of something new always fades after a while, and then it's just like everything else.
i keep thinking i've lost something
i look down and it's only you
Halfway through the terminal of his flight to America, Junsu takes out his iPod and a picture of Yunho falls to his feet.
now i'm standing at a terminal waiting to connect to another plane
and if i told you i just canceled my flight to america
would you call me insane?
everything i am has been neatly contained into
the contents of a samsonite bag
me, a laptop, two suitcases and i'm coming to see you
whether you like it or not
"Hey you," Yunho says after the fourth ring. "I forgot where I put my phone, sorry. What's up?"
Junsu grins, shaking his head as he dodges a passerby. "Better not lose that one. Jaejoong-hyung'll kill you. How's everyone?"
"They're okay. Where're you at now? America, right?"
Junsu stops and looks up, smiling. "Not exactly. Go to the door," he says, heart beating triple-time. He hangs up the phone and waits.
The door opens in under a minute, revealing Yunho with his brow furrowed. "Junsu? I thought-"
Junsu lets go of all his fears and kisses Yunho in the hallway of an apartment complex in Seoul. This is where he belongs, where what he's needed all along has always been.
yunho/junsu
g
a/n. for kallistei, for her birthday ♥♥ the song in the entry is 'like it or not' by darren hayes, and i've provided an embed to listen while you read.
i've been broken, shut down and useless
feet above me
hands in the air
you got me falling over and over
you got me twisted tied up and tangled
When it's all said and done, they say they're still Dongbangshinki, but Junsu's not sure he believes it. Jaejoong's been signed to do solo for Avex, Yoochun's caught between here and there, Changmin's always had brains to fall back on and Yunho's a natural-born leader, teacher, father.
Junsu's got singing but it's not the same anymore. They say he lives and breathes it, but Junsu never told anyone about the life support he's been on for ten years, the one that's being ripped from him and shredded to pieces. He's re-evaluating his life and it's just not passing the test. There are too many things he's been afraid to do or say, and standing in an awkward circle that's re-shaping itself by the second makes him wonder if maybe he should just-
"I love you guys," Yunho says softly, and there's this crack in his voice that only they can hear.
Junsu keeps his fears to himself and murmurs agreement with everyone else. He was never good at what-ifs, anyway.
i do it all for you
you know i've been a fool for you
i thought i tripped on a shoelace
i look down and it's only you
"I'm going to see the world," Junsu says to Yunho, a week after they've had nothing to do but pick up the pieces and start over. Junsu's never been good at cleaning and he's restless for something more than what he's got. He's got nothing, but that's just an obstacle he'll overcome like all the others. Maybe after, he'll take SM's offer, even if he's still not sure singing alone is something he wants to do now.
Yunho's halfway through the bottle of soju and Junsu's only had one glass. "Leaving us?" he asks, and maybe it's supposed to be teasing but it makes Junsu's heart ache either way.
"No," he says, starting on the second. "I'll be back eventually, you know." I could never live without you, Junsu wants to add, but it gets choked under the burn of alcohol. Yunho doesn't seem to have heard it, no matter how much Junsu wishes he had. "There's just something I need."
Yunho smiles at Junsu, that genuine, soft thing he used to give Junsu before debut, when all Junsu thought about was what he wanted to become. He's been there and done that and now it's just another thing to remember Yunho by. "You'll find it," Yunho assures, and Junsu believes him, if he doesn't believe anything else.
Junsu's always been a light packer. Yoochun used to make fun of him for it, all bright-eyed and soft laughter. Junsu wishes he had that now, to ease the butterflies he swallowed somewhere between packing 'Sorry girls, I'm gay' and a hoodie he'd stole from Changmin ages ago and kept forgetting to give back. There's also a mix CD from Yoochun and Jaejoong stuck between his socks and toothbrush, and a mini first aid kit with bandages and antibiotic ointment that Yunho gave him - just in case, Yunho'd said.
There's pictures in the zipper compartment of the suitcase's top, almost all of them taken by Jaejoong to chart the years, all in order against the holed fabric. Junsu pauses for a moment to take in their young, hopeful faces, remembering those times like they were only yesterday. The last few pictures have a sadness about them that only few can really see. Junsu's smile looks a little worn in them and he wonders if it still looks that way now.
Junsu makes to finish sorting necessary clothes from the ones he doesn't need, when crinkling beneath his foot stops him. He picks up a picture of Yunho, pre-debut and smiling happy and crooked, the light playing off the rough edges of the now-ruined photograph awkwardly. It looks like Yunho is shining.
now i'm standing at a terminal waiting to connect to another plane
and if i told you i just canceled my flight to america
would you call me insane?
everything i am has been neatly contained into
the contents of a samsonite bag
me, a laptop, two suitcases and i'm coming to see you
whether you like it or not
"So," Yunho says, hands in his pockets as he rocks back on his heels. "You're really doing this?" Yunho's the only one who could come to the airport to see Junsu off. Jaejoong had contract stuff to work on, Yoochun hadn't answered his phone, and Changmin had to go see about his classes. Yunho's still deciding where he's going to go after everything, but for now, he's here.
Junsu scratches the back of his head, feeling awkward. "Yeah," he says, smiling softly. "Yeah, I really am." He runs a finger along the strap of his carry-on, licks his lips, all of his nervous habits hitting him one after the other. "You gonna miss me?"
Yunho scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he's smiling. "Nah, we'll be fine without you," he says lightly, but Junsu knows they're both thinking of Yoochun right now. Yunho will call Yoochun until he picks up, after this, and if Yoochun doesn't, Yunho will go and confront him. Yunho, Junsu knows, will always be the leader. Junsu must have a frown on his face, because Yunho waves his hand in front of Junsu's face with a soft, "hey," and smiles again, this time in assurance. "He'll be fine, don't worry."
Junsu laughs at that, relieved, and nods in agreement. "You'll make sure he eats?" he says more than asks.
Yunho steps forward and hugs Junsu tightly. "I'll take care of them all. You know me."
Junsu laughs again, softer and muffled for the way he's holding onto Yunho just as tightly, face pressed into Yunho's neck to memorize the scent of him for the long plane ride ahead. "Okay," he says quietly, pushing away after a long moment. "Don't miss me too much."
"I won't," Yunho says, grinning. "Promise."
Junsu looks back before he steps out of sight, at Yunho with his hands in his pockets and people all around him, looking like just some normal guy, and he's not shining. He's just Yunho, the man Junsu fell in love with and never told. Junsu turns away, feeling heavy - he never promised not to be the one who's doing the missing.
mine is a restless heart, don't try to fix it
you know sometimes, sometimes i want it to ache
Bora Bora, Prague and Paris are different when you're by yourself. Junsu gets lost in cities with too many people and their unfamiliar faces, but in a way, it's refreshing. He doesn't have to worry about anything, he can just walk around for hours and soak it all in - the sand between his toes, the choppy conversations in Czech all around him, the scents of the bakeries. In his heart though, Junsu knows he doesn't belong in any of these places, no matter what the rest of him tries to say. The beauty of something new always fades after a while, and then it's just like everything else.
i keep thinking i've lost something
i look down and it's only you
Halfway through the terminal of his flight to America, Junsu takes out his iPod and a picture of Yunho falls to his feet.
now i'm standing at a terminal waiting to connect to another plane
and if i told you i just canceled my flight to america
would you call me insane?
everything i am has been neatly contained into
the contents of a samsonite bag
me, a laptop, two suitcases and i'm coming to see you
whether you like it or not
"Hey you," Yunho says after the fourth ring. "I forgot where I put my phone, sorry. What's up?"
Junsu grins, shaking his head as he dodges a passerby. "Better not lose that one. Jaejoong-hyung'll kill you. How's everyone?"
"They're okay. Where're you at now? America, right?"
Junsu stops and looks up, smiling. "Not exactly. Go to the door," he says, heart beating triple-time. He hangs up the phone and waits.
The door opens in under a minute, revealing Yunho with his brow furrowed. "Junsu? I thought-"
Junsu lets go of all his fears and kisses Yunho in the hallway of an apartment complex in Seoul. This is where he belongs, where what he's needed all along has always been.