If i only had a time machine...
If i had a time machine i would change so much. I hate regrets, and honestly i never thought i had too many of them. However, lately i have realized that i have so many of them.
I regret not keeping my friendships closer. I feel like i have lost all of them. I miss my party friends like cara, fetish dolly, putty, kyle, kevin, foolycooly etc (there are many more) because i knew that i could always count on them to love and except me no matter who i was. And i feel like ... i lost them. I miss all my high school friends like jeffrey, richy, emily, tiffany, kyle, matt etc... we used to be so close, and whats funny is with all my regret whenever i describe jeff to someone i call him my best friend. but i know just as well as he does that we're not.
Dont get me wrong, im not miserable with my life as it is right now... i have a wonderful boyfriedn who i love to death, but i just wish that i spent more time building my friendships instead of building my career. I suppose that is essentially what counts... my career... but i think i could have handled both.
Another thing that has been gettng to me lately is the fact that i need to go see a doctor. I know something is wrong with me.. mentally...however i dont know how the fuck to go about it without feeling so... unaccomplished.. without feeling like less of a person. I cant focus for the life of me, my attention span is less than that of a nats, im easily distracted, and i feel like im going in fucking sane!!!! i just want to feel normal.. (i think this is why i couldnt balance my friendships with my job and school) but i dont want to go to the doctors because how am i going to pay for it? i have insurance but if i put it on my insurance than my parents will know and that cant happen... my parents will look at me as though i were a failure, i cant be that too them; they always laugh at me when i try to bring this up .. they tell me im just seeking attention and that nothing is wrong with me and that im just going through a faze. GRRRRR!!!! i dont know what the fuck to do. If anyone can help me! please!
I regret not keeping my friendships closer. I feel like i have lost all of them. I miss my party friends like cara, fetish dolly, putty, kyle, kevin, foolycooly etc (there are many more) because i knew that i could always count on them to love and except me no matter who i was. And i feel like ... i lost them. I miss all my high school friends like jeffrey, richy, emily, tiffany, kyle, matt etc... we used to be so close, and whats funny is with all my regret whenever i describe jeff to someone i call him my best friend. but i know just as well as he does that we're not.
Dont get me wrong, im not miserable with my life as it is right now... i have a wonderful boyfriedn who i love to death, but i just wish that i spent more time building my friendships instead of building my career. I suppose that is essentially what counts... my career... but i think i could have handled both.
Another thing that has been gettng to me lately is the fact that i need to go see a doctor. I know something is wrong with me.. mentally...however i dont know how the fuck to go about it without feeling so... unaccomplished.. without feeling like less of a person. I cant focus for the life of me, my attention span is less than that of a nats, im easily distracted, and i feel like im going in fucking sane!!!! i just want to feel normal.. (i think this is why i couldnt balance my friendships with my job and school) but i dont want to go to the doctors because how am i going to pay for it? i have insurance but if i put it on my insurance than my parents will know and that cant happen... my parents will look at me as though i were a failure, i cant be that too them; they always laugh at me when i try to bring this up .. they tell me im just seeking attention and that nothing is wrong with me and that im just going through a faze. GRRRRR!!!! i dont know what the fuck to do. If anyone can help me! please!