Coming Up Short
Interestingly, the last two times I've somehow involved myself with a specific member of my four legends, it's tended to rain (trust me, for where I'm living and the distance of time between these two run ins, this is quite unusual). The first time I took it as a miserable omen. Now, well, although we always need the rain, I still don't see it as a good omen in its timing, but I'm blessedly neutral in my feelings by this time.
I used to be a lot more emotional. I don't feel it as much anymore.
I sit around sometimes, and behold, I'm not injured, not wounded, not damaged. At least not immediately. But I've grown calloused, and when I imagine myself in my own pool of blood, a self inflicted gunshot leaving a trail through my brain, it doesn't bother me like it once did.
I used to panic at the idea of having suicidal thoughts. That doesn't disturb me like it once did. Occasionally I wonder if I should be worried.
Usually I'm just really tired, even when I'm a having a good time. And little really seems important.
I have one thing though. More than ever, I find myself trying to live up to who I want to be, and though I fall flat, it gives me hope that maybe I can help somebody else.
I wish I could say that I've only affected others for the better, but obviously that's a hard game to pull, and being human means failure. Still, each day gives me a chance to do something for someone, and if I've blown it with one person, maybe I can make somebody else's day.
Although it rained today, I think maybe I was able to make life just a little better for someone. I certainly hope so.
I used to be a lot more emotional. I don't feel it as much anymore.
I sit around sometimes, and behold, I'm not injured, not wounded, not damaged. At least not immediately. But I've grown calloused, and when I imagine myself in my own pool of blood, a self inflicted gunshot leaving a trail through my brain, it doesn't bother me like it once did.
I used to panic at the idea of having suicidal thoughts. That doesn't disturb me like it once did. Occasionally I wonder if I should be worried.
Usually I'm just really tired, even when I'm a having a good time. And little really seems important.
I have one thing though. More than ever, I find myself trying to live up to who I want to be, and though I fall flat, it gives me hope that maybe I can help somebody else.
I wish I could say that I've only affected others for the better, but obviously that's a hard game to pull, and being human means failure. Still, each day gives me a chance to do something for someone, and if I've blown it with one person, maybe I can make somebody else's day.
Although it rained today, I think maybe I was able to make life just a little better for someone. I certainly hope so.