just think about it this way. there are 6 billion people in the world. 4 billion of them already hate you, couldn't care less if you get hit by a bus today. that guy at work thinks you're stupid? fuck that, man, get in line ( Read more... )

I'm sorry, but this is funny to me.

( make the pie higher )

PLEASE call this number and just listen. it's CRAZY

(702)248-4800

( Read more... )

my dentist made me come in six times this summer, plus he drilled too deep so I had to get a root canal. they don't actually listen to me when I talk to them on the phone, thus I won't be finished with my fillings until mid-august. they found the cavities in may. MAY!!! AND they play the rick and bubba show in every office, which makes me want ( Read more... )

until today I had no idea people actually looked at my facebook. thanks, haircut ( Read more... )

I'm getting my hair cut SHORT today. I'm really terrified. I haven't had my hair above shoulder-length since I was in 3rd grade, and my mom cut it. I mean I like how my hair is now, but for the first time I can remember I actually feel brave enough to get it short, so I must take advantage. Biggest fears: looking like an old lady, having an ( Read more... )

being high at home is fun because I can play with all the neat stuff in a house. like, that perfume spray is awesome! why do dogs like us to pet them? damn this oven is hot! and let me tell you, couches are EXCITING.

I actually laughed at the jokes in a 1947 movie today. to its credit, this was a Cary Grant movie, but STILL. I laughed at the corny, clean jokes. these aren't just clean, they're like sanitized ultra-strength. somehow it's improper for a man to be seen in full-length flannel pajamas. no. he must wear his dressing robe over it. not to be ( Read more... )

I've had to call all the topless showrooms in las vegas. I don't think anything embarrasses me anymore... half of them ask me if I'm aware that there's nudity. Me: "oh really?! THAT must be why it's called Crazy Girls!"