(no subject)
So (raid more-or-less-successes aside) I'm feeling pret-ty shitty as fuck atm. A lot of it is just the usual pit of despair and awfulness I fall into whenever the seasons change, especially in this direction towards wintery gloom, and some of it is PMS (but I have that 3½ weeks out of 4 so whatever) and some of it is the random moodswings I always have, but also some of it is RB and the finale tomorrow and how I'm pretty sure that, no matter what actually happens, that's gonna be the end of this particular fandom for me. And mostly I welcome that, because this has been a really fucking weird fansession (fandom obsession, I just made that up just now, I'm pretty sure, because it's terrible so no one else would have. But: useful, so. Deal with it.) for me and I'm clearly just past the point of being able to enjoy being jerked around by the writers.
Cause the thing with me and shipping is, I'm totally fine if you jerk me around for years before they get together (although I may lose interest if it's more than 6), I'm fine if they hate each other (hell, I prefer it!) and fight all the time, but once they do get together I expect smooth sailing peppered with light showers of relationshippy drama of the non-serious variety. Maybe one or two very short break-ups at most, but only in a "clearly this is gonna be resolved before the finale and in no way detracts from the shippabillity of the couple" sort of way. Which is the problem here: the heavy angst IS ruining the ship for me. Maybe I'm a sappy lame hopeless romantic, but I feel like once the ILUs are out of the way, that's it. Either they can get through anything together, or they can't and in that case: why should I ship them? That may sound very black-and-white, but most things are when you think about em long enough. And me being me, I think about EVERYTHING long enough. (No, really, everything. And it is exhausting.)
So yeah, unless somehow and most unlikely RB pulls some more weird voodoo magic out - and I'm pretty sure they used it all up in the last 2 seasons and on making Sam's face so weirdly attractive - I'm going to wake up tomorrow, read the spoilers and go "...yeah, no, I'm out". And I just don't think I've ever been this invested in a fandom this fun and cracky and full of awesome people, which is honestly like 70% of why I'm all emo-angsty-sad about this. Because you guys, if anyone, know how rare it is to be completely obsessed and in love with a show that also has an awesome fan community with people of equal willingness to discuss minute things like actor's faces at long length and who write fanfic that is better than the show and who light up your f-list with picspams like it's Christmas. And it seems to be only getting rarer, atleast if LJ is any indication, although maybe that's just a slump or me becoming too old to be allowed to hang with the kids anymore, IDK. Either way, I'm more sad about leaving the fandom than I am about losing the ship. I just really love dorking out about things with people, okay? That is bascially my favorite thing to do in the world, ever, that is what my eulogy should say: "Washed her hands a lot and loved dorking out about things with people." - boom, done! If anyone ever needs to write me one there you go. You're welcome.
So yeah. See ya tomorrow when, probably, the search for my next big crazy obsession begins. Cause as much as I hate how weird and rambly and unhinged these obsessions make me, I hate it even more when I'm without them. I fangirl, therefor I am, etc etc.
NN.