isolation day - 0.75
i am having a really rough morning.
2 days of forced laziness
and for some reason it feels so confining and restricted.
yet if i had two days off from work any other time.
i would love it.
relish it.
but no.
i don’t like that i can’t go to a store or have friends over.
especially when so many friends are in town
or coming into town.
uggh.
i am just so angry that they didn’t tell me about having to be in isolation PRIOR to this.
all the people that i talk to who have had this done before say that they had to sign TONS of papers saying they knew they were going to be radioactive and couldn’t be around people BEFORE they even made the appointment.
yet i get an appointment made less than a week in advance
NO WARNING ABOUT ANYTHING
[ie dr says “ yeah you’ll be fine go to work. no sideeffects”]
ugh.
i just am glad work is chill
cus otherwise
i would be sueing
if i lost my job because they failed to tell me i couldn’t be around anyone.
STUPID JERKS
and on top of that it worries me
that if i am so radioactive that i cant even be around people
what the hell is this doing to my other organs!?!?!?!
ugh. i feel like i rushed into this.
like on thursday of last week when she wanted to make the appt for this week
i should have said.
let me have a week
to make sure this is really what i want to do.
to have time to ask all the questions
TO GET PREPARED FOR THIS.
i just hate that i am confined
and since i didn’t plan ahead
i have to stay inside since
i have nothing that i can do outside
i didn’t get soil or flowers so i could plant in the garden
[something i wanted to do this weekend]
i didn’t have ANY groceries
and now that i look at my groceries i realize that they don’t work
cus now that i am going to have a lower metabolism i can’t just be eating anything and everything.
it’s back to fucking diet food.
which i hate.
it’s the only time in my life where i don’t eat for pleasure.
i eat because my body needs it.
and I HATE THAT.
i am person who thinks you should only eat what you enjoy eating.
so today is tough.
i feel restless.
i feel angry.
i feel so uncertain about everything.
[god what if i am causing more harm to my body than good?]
and i keep thinking that while medicine and evolution are both branches of science,
they contradict each other so much.
and no. i don't think people should die from the flu
or go through life suffering.
but i don't think there should be that pressure
that you HAVE to get medical attention.
that if you don’t your crazy.
that somehow by not putting chemicals in your body doesn't make you incapable of making judgments about yourself.
or a hassle.
or difficult.
i dunno.
rough day.
2 days of forced laziness
and for some reason it feels so confining and restricted.
yet if i had two days off from work any other time.
i would love it.
relish it.
but no.
i don’t like that i can’t go to a store or have friends over.
especially when so many friends are in town
or coming into town.
uggh.
i am just so angry that they didn’t tell me about having to be in isolation PRIOR to this.
all the people that i talk to who have had this done before say that they had to sign TONS of papers saying they knew they were going to be radioactive and couldn’t be around people BEFORE they even made the appointment.
yet i get an appointment made less than a week in advance
NO WARNING ABOUT ANYTHING
[ie dr says “ yeah you’ll be fine go to work. no sideeffects”]
ugh.
i just am glad work is chill
cus otherwise
i would be sueing
if i lost my job because they failed to tell me i couldn’t be around anyone.
STUPID JERKS
and on top of that it worries me
that if i am so radioactive that i cant even be around people
what the hell is this doing to my other organs!?!?!?!
ugh. i feel like i rushed into this.
like on thursday of last week when she wanted to make the appt for this week
i should have said.
let me have a week
to make sure this is really what i want to do.
to have time to ask all the questions
TO GET PREPARED FOR THIS.
i just hate that i am confined
and since i didn’t plan ahead
i have to stay inside since
i have nothing that i can do outside
i didn’t get soil or flowers so i could plant in the garden
[something i wanted to do this weekend]
i didn’t have ANY groceries
and now that i look at my groceries i realize that they don’t work
cus now that i am going to have a lower metabolism i can’t just be eating anything and everything.
it’s back to fucking diet food.
which i hate.
it’s the only time in my life where i don’t eat for pleasure.
i eat because my body needs it.
and I HATE THAT.
i am person who thinks you should only eat what you enjoy eating.
so today is tough.
i feel restless.
i feel angry.
i feel so uncertain about everything.
[god what if i am causing more harm to my body than good?]
and i keep thinking that while medicine and evolution are both branches of science,
they contradict each other so much.
and no. i don't think people should die from the flu
or go through life suffering.
but i don't think there should be that pressure
that you HAVE to get medical attention.
that if you don’t your crazy.
that somehow by not putting chemicals in your body doesn't make you incapable of making judgments about yourself.
or a hassle.
or difficult.
i dunno.
rough day.