got [blank] for the bitches
Tell me if you feel me here. Or, conversely, if I have reached a level of condescending amusement that precludes me from tangibly feeling anything, or anyone…. and thus, you don’t.
Quick game of six degrees; please, hold the panic in. I read Bill Simmons(the Sports Guy) a lot. A few years back he did a running exchange with the late, great, Ralph Wiley (1) in which they covered a multitude of topics using an e-mail style back and forth format. Since then Simmons has done this with a few other people, recently, and notably Chuck Klosterman who is also promoting a new book. The hipster of you without a doubt know him, and maybe even threw up in your mouth a little just right there.
Given that I am in “the market” for new reading material I was all, ctrl-N +amazon.com over that shit. Luckily the book by Klosterman that I am more interested in is popular enough to not only warrant a cover picture, but also a sample excerpt. Keep in mind, Klosterman is, in a generalization so sweeping it makes most stereotypes seem “to a fault”, a rock critic. A rock critic for Spin no less. (Fragment… consider revising) However, that’s not particularly what drew me to him (To be fair, I don’t think those specific archetypes have ever drawn anything to anyone. No one exclaims, “a music critic from Spin!?!? I would love to hear his views on a whole range of topics!!!” Right? Though we have all at one point or another exclaimed, “A music critic from Spin!?!? I would love to hear the sound he makes throughout the whole range of motion of the sole of my boot crushing his larynx irreparably!!!” I think that’s how we all feel in a, again, sweeping generalization. If it doesn’t apply to you feel free to fuck off, in a very unique way… I’m sure. This aside has gone on for so long at this point I have no choice, I’ll have to start a new paragraph or risk loosing all coherency, which right now is minimal as it is.)
The thing that intrigued me about Klosterman is his view on everything, he just seems like the kind of man who would not only be totally open to, but would seriously consider the implication of things like: My groundbreaking theory on the bizzaro parallels between the 1995 Orlando magic and the present day Houston Rockets (believe me, you can’t wait until I unleash this on the world. Riots… in… the streets). So, it’s the fascination with the frivolous and deriving meaning from it, I believe. In the back of my head however the thought still lingered, “He’s a Spin critic… I can’t completely buy into this… He’ll turn on me faster than Radiohead can pump out another CD full of waste pellets that intermittently flush with a dull shine of half digested ideas run through the ok-really-we-haven’t-cared-for-years machine”. Let’s face it, the girl can be really hot and have a great butt and talk a good game… but if she’s missing a leg, she’s still kinda lame.
Yes, freestyle.
Freeform.
Cultural/spiritual freefall, technically.
Anyway, I’m reading the sample chapter from "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" on Amazon, when I get to the following passage: “Fake love is a very powerful thing. That girl who adored John Cusack once had the opportunity to spend a weekend with me in New York at the Waldorf-Astoria, but she elected to fly to Portland instead to see the first U.S. appearance by Coldplay, a British pop group whose success derives from their ability to write melodramatic alt-rock songs about fake love. [I pause for a second… keep reading] It does not matter that Coldplay is absolutely the shittiest fucking band I’ve ever heard in my entire fucking life, [I pause again, thinking that, this is too good to be true… Spin, right? I “check myself” and keep reading] or that they sound like a mediocre photocopy of Travis” [I open a new window, take out my credit card and make the “kill”]. This is how little it takes for me to admire you by the way, just say things I already agree with back to me in a way I haven’t thought of yet. Powerful concept.
1 - Collection of essays, outstanding. Bonus for looks you get from middle aged white folks (in my case, parents) while reading this.
Tomorrow: Further thoughts and potential approaches to writing self-reviews. A proper explanation of what "Tomorrow" means exactly. My stance on blogs in general, and more specifically, what am I trying to accomplish exactly here. Quick preview: not much. And, more..
-tony
in time, saves nine