(no subject)
i've been crying almost all weekend. i found out on friday that my high school music teacher and mentor died from cancer. i keep thinking about him and high school and the orchestra. i keep thinking about what a fucking shitty asshole of a person i am for not keeping in touch. i was planning on going back to TMLA to visit this semester cause i graduate in 2 months. but now its too fucking late. i didnt even know he was sick. i just got a call saying he was dead. i went to the wake. it was a closed casket. thank god. i dont know what i would have done looking at him like that...probably after chemo. i dont think i could have bared to see him without that smile of his...and his signature Mr Mora hair style that always made me smile. why did i wait so long to go back and visit. i fucking suck. i havent even played an instrument in months i've been so busy. if he would have talked to me now i would have let him down. i was the president of the orchestra in senior year. i won the music scholarship when i was a freshman. and now what...i barely touch my guitar...and i pick up my flute even less. i bet i couldnt remember how to play my cello if i tried. all i keep thinking about is what a fucking disappointment i probably am to him and to Mr Amend, the only other person i consider a mentor, my church organist who died years ago. i just wish i knew he was sick, so maybe i could have said goodbye and saw him one last time. i wish he knew how much he meant to me. how much he meant to everyone at TMLA.
i dont feel like writing anymore...i have class at 7:30am. i'm gonna go cry myself to sleep. i've been listening to this one Kamelot song a lot this weekend. its been making me feel better, its written for the guitarist's father who died when he was young.
Don't You Cry
little by little
I've come to this point
on my own I've been searching my way
I lost you so early
the days went so fast
you don't know how I prayed every day
a song to remember
a song to forget
you'll never know how I tried
to make you proud
and to honor your name but
you never told me goodbye
now that your are gone
casting shadows from the past
you and all the memories will last
don't you cry
or suffer over me
I will be waiting for you
don't you cry
angels never fade away
I'll be watching over you
see you through
now I'm a man and
I'm feeling you still
could it be you were there all along
a time to surrender
a time to forgive
with solace I give you this song
now that you are gone
casting shadows from the past
in my dreams I hear your voice at last
don't you cry
or suffer over me
I will be waiting for you
don't you cry
angels never fade away
I'll be watching over you
see you through
RIP Mr Gil Mora, you will be so very very missed.
i dont feel like writing anymore...i have class at 7:30am. i'm gonna go cry myself to sleep. i've been listening to this one Kamelot song a lot this weekend. its been making me feel better, its written for the guitarist's father who died when he was young.
Don't You Cry
little by little
I've come to this point
on my own I've been searching my way
I lost you so early
the days went so fast
you don't know how I prayed every day
a song to remember
a song to forget
you'll never know how I tried
to make you proud
and to honor your name but
you never told me goodbye
now that your are gone
casting shadows from the past
you and all the memories will last
don't you cry
or suffer over me
I will be waiting for you
don't you cry
angels never fade away
I'll be watching over you
see you through
now I'm a man and
I'm feeling you still
could it be you were there all along
a time to surrender
a time to forgive
with solace I give you this song
now that you are gone
casting shadows from the past
in my dreams I hear your voice at last
don't you cry
or suffer over me
I will be waiting for you
don't you cry
angels never fade away
I'll be watching over you
see you through
RIP Mr Gil Mora, you will be so very very missed.