i'm here and im dealing with it
for the first few days after "the shit hit the fan" i just couldn't stay home, when i finally got out of bed on sunday everything was hitting me, what i did, what it ment to gareth and the rest of the family and especially what it would mean to jamie, i just couldn't deal with being here, so before i could grab anything (not even my coat ><) i started walking, at first i didn't know where to go, i started thinking about where i could go, i have a friend that lives on the palmer wasilla highway, but i didn't make it that far, i got a little ways past equestrian achres and decided that if i was outside any longer my fingers would freeze off, so i went to kates house, and after they let me in i basically collapsed on the kitchen floor, shivering and crying.... the entire way i was hoping that someone would hit me with their car, i'll never cause my own death, but i thought if someone else killed me i could get away with it, after staying at kates i got the feeling that her parents were being poilite but really didn't want me there so i came home on the bus after school and as i sat in the seat and listened to jamie yell at me i thought that she would be able to get over it easier if i wasn't around at all, but i cant leave, if i dont deal with this now it'll chase me forever, after breaking down in the house, i decided the only place left to go was to stay at daisy's, but i grabbed a sack and started stuffing all my cloths into the army bag that we had blankets stored in, half way through packing i fell down and just cried the hardest i ever have before, screaming at the top of my lungs, i started trashing my room breaking everything that would break, knocked the tv over and stabbed my bed. as i started to pack some more tara came in and i cried some more, its not that i dont want to see any of you, its that i know you are just worried about me and dont really care about what happened as long as im ok, i dont desevre that kindness, i cant have that kindness if im going to pay for what i did, i need to be somewhere where everyone is against me so that i can feel all the pain that i've casused, i dont think any of you can ever understand how much this has hurt jamie, anyone that has ever watched the one they love with all their heart cry because of what they did, they can tell you, its worse than any death on earth
but while i was at daisy's her parents wanted to know what was going on so that they didn't get inbetween any family issues, so i told them and they said that i was always welcome ^_^... they're so nice to me, that night i realized that the place i needed to be to solve this mess is at home.... so tuesday i came home and stayed home...... i have one thing left to do, before i can wait for things to get better, i have to talk to gareth, who at the moment is just giving me the silent treatment... i really wanted him to kill me, when he came in my room and started punching me, i didn't raise my hands i didn't flinch, i told him to him me again, and again, just keep hitting me
From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you’d be mine
But here we are, we’re here tonight
Singing Amen, I’m alive
Singing Amen, I’m alive
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
And I’m singing
Amen I, I’m alive
Amen I, I’m alive
And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We’ll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along
Singing Amen I’m alive
Singing Amen I’m alive
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
We’d see the day, we’d see the day
When nobody died
We’d see the day, we’d see the day
When nobody died
We’d see the day when nobody died
but while i was at daisy's her parents wanted to know what was going on so that they didn't get inbetween any family issues, so i told them and they said that i was always welcome ^_^... they're so nice to me, that night i realized that the place i needed to be to solve this mess is at home.... so tuesday i came home and stayed home...... i have one thing left to do, before i can wait for things to get better, i have to talk to gareth, who at the moment is just giving me the silent treatment... i really wanted him to kill me, when he came in my room and started punching me, i didn't raise my hands i didn't flinch, i told him to him me again, and again, just keep hitting me
From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you’d be mine
But here we are, we’re here tonight
Singing Amen, I’m alive
Singing Amen, I’m alive
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
And I’m singing
Amen I, I’m alive
Amen I, I’m alive
And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We’ll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along
Singing Amen I’m alive
Singing Amen I’m alive
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
We’d see the day, we’d see the day
When nobody died
We’d see the day, we’d see the day
When nobody died
We’d see the day when nobody died