Outside of the City…… fucking city's light glow
Not much to comment on. I've been having some more ideas. Ways to make being human easier. Living life where we aren't afraid to not be ourselves. I would like to say that it is the alcohol in me, but I haven't been drinking. It might be a good idea to have a couple of beer or some that single malt, but I have to work in the morning.
I turn 26 in a couple of day. Sweet Shit! I need to do something before I get old and lazy because I can tell you what. I am not going just be a bastard at the ripe (mainly in the adult diaper sense) old age of 65 who be littles everyone and haggles over the price of a tall glass of whiskey. I want this is be a life long process to people who don't know me.
Making getting kicked out of the bar that much harder. Pretty much has happened at the places that I go to now.
OTHER THINGS:
I'm in a relationship again. Something that I haven't been in a great while. It has been… interesting, to say the least. I've never been one to actually have physical contact between people. I get nervous just with a slight touch of another person. Now… now, lately I've been in public holding hands, holding, and an occasion kiss in public. Things that I've seen in public a thousand times before, but never actually do when I out and about with… whoever.
It's been weird. I like it, but really it's fucking with my preconceived ideas as to how I act in public. The very act of emotion in public where I'm not walking around looking a head but not really looking towards any set direction, living my interactions with other people like the subway rule. Never look at anyone in particular, don't speak and always look at nothing. it has served me well getting from point 'A' to point 'B.' Now, now I'm walking around with someone, looking into their eyes, while holding their hand, rubbing a finger against theirs, just trying to catch a glimpse into who they are, and for some inexplicable reason just kissing them, is new.
I'm use to this action interaction with people, without the hold of hands and kissing them, I look at people directly into their eyes, figuring out what they need and shit like that. Yeah, I can do that. I'm good at that. I can make pissed off people happy.
But when it comes to my own personal life. Sweet Shit, I'm lost. If you were to ask anyone I know about me and whomever, they'll tell you that when it comes to personal relationships, I'm so fucking lost it's really sad.
I was told that I have conflicting karma. Which in simple terms, means that I am always trying with repeating failure trying to balance all aspects in life. And as I said a few words earlier, I do this with a great failure. The one that I can't do it the relationship thing.
Hence why now, I'm a bit at odds with this whole touch aspect of this new relationship. The public display of affections is very new to me. I never feel right about it. I always have viewed it as some sort of crutch, I never knew that it was something else. It took me almost 10 years to figure that one out, and people think that I'm smart.
Go figure it would take me 10 years to figure this out when most kids who are still in high-school, who in all reality would more than likely be a parent by the time that I finish this sentence, have this worked out.
Maybe I should go for that single malt, this is depressing.
MORE OTHER THINGS:
Go Out and Get
comedy album: "I don't mean to insult you, but you look like Bobcat Goldthwait." A really good listen. Bobcat is still a funny person that should be in the spotlight more. Has a nice razor wit, but also has a bad case of ADD that he uses to interact with the crowd.
music: Frank Black and the Catholics, "Show Me Your Tears," if you have ever listened to the Pixies, then this is something that you are going to have to buy. Don't walk, drive like a Kennedy on a good date to get this album. You won't be disappointed.
I turn 26 in a couple of day. Sweet Shit! I need to do something before I get old and lazy because I can tell you what. I am not going just be a bastard at the ripe (mainly in the adult diaper sense) old age of 65 who be littles everyone and haggles over the price of a tall glass of whiskey. I want this is be a life long process to people who don't know me.
Making getting kicked out of the bar that much harder. Pretty much has happened at the places that I go to now.
OTHER THINGS:
I'm in a relationship again. Something that I haven't been in a great while. It has been… interesting, to say the least. I've never been one to actually have physical contact between people. I get nervous just with a slight touch of another person. Now… now, lately I've been in public holding hands, holding, and an occasion kiss in public. Things that I've seen in public a thousand times before, but never actually do when I out and about with… whoever.
It's been weird. I like it, but really it's fucking with my preconceived ideas as to how I act in public. The very act of emotion in public where I'm not walking around looking a head but not really looking towards any set direction, living my interactions with other people like the subway rule. Never look at anyone in particular, don't speak and always look at nothing. it has served me well getting from point 'A' to point 'B.' Now, now I'm walking around with someone, looking into their eyes, while holding their hand, rubbing a finger against theirs, just trying to catch a glimpse into who they are, and for some inexplicable reason just kissing them, is new.
I'm use to this action interaction with people, without the hold of hands and kissing them, I look at people directly into their eyes, figuring out what they need and shit like that. Yeah, I can do that. I'm good at that. I can make pissed off people happy.
But when it comes to my own personal life. Sweet Shit, I'm lost. If you were to ask anyone I know about me and whomever, they'll tell you that when it comes to personal relationships, I'm so fucking lost it's really sad.
I was told that I have conflicting karma. Which in simple terms, means that I am always trying with repeating failure trying to balance all aspects in life. And as I said a few words earlier, I do this with a great failure. The one that I can't do it the relationship thing.
Hence why now, I'm a bit at odds with this whole touch aspect of this new relationship. The public display of affections is very new to me. I never feel right about it. I always have viewed it as some sort of crutch, I never knew that it was something else. It took me almost 10 years to figure that one out, and people think that I'm smart.
Go figure it would take me 10 years to figure this out when most kids who are still in high-school, who in all reality would more than likely be a parent by the time that I finish this sentence, have this worked out.
Maybe I should go for that single malt, this is depressing.
MORE OTHER THINGS:
Go Out and Get
comedy album: "I don't mean to insult you, but you look like Bobcat Goldthwait." A really good listen. Bobcat is still a funny person that should be in the spotlight more. Has a nice razor wit, but also has a bad case of ADD that he uses to interact with the crowd.
music: Frank Black and the Catholics, "Show Me Your Tears," if you have ever listened to the Pixies, then this is something that you are going to have to buy. Don't walk, drive like a Kennedy on a good date to get this album. You won't be disappointed.