Do depressives dream of suicidal sheep?
I can't go on like this much longer. I haven't gotten a real, full night's sleep in...well, fuck, I can't even remember. My anti-depressant is no longer working for me; I cry for no reason, I don't want to eat, I can't fall asleep at night, and once I do I cannot stay asleep for more than just a few hours straight (and this is not entirely poor Kitty's fault, though she did wake me just now coughing up a hairball); I fall asleep during the day, and sometimes sleep for 6 or more hours at a time when that happens; I can't concentrate on school. The only thing that appeals to me is drinking myself into a stupor in combination with all the other GABAergic drugs I possess so that I can fall asleep for a week.
I do have a lot on my plate right now, though. Hearing about the Military Commissions Act made me upset beyond description; Kitty is partially deaf currently and is hiding from me in her box or in my closet; my mother believes that I have been brainwashed and taking too many psychedelic drugs (this came in response to me explaining the Military Commissions Act to her, since she lives in a fucking hole and somehow managed not to hear about the man here who chopped up and cooked his girlfriend before jumping off a building) and she fucking meant it. She believes this is the beginning of the end, that the Apocalypse is nigh. Three of my friends from high school were nearly killed by a drunk driver yesterday; had they chosen to take Erica's car instead of Tiffany's they probably would not have survived. Money is a huge worry right now, and I have to find a new place to live--and soon.
But so many weeks of disrupted sleep...I'm losing my mind. I made an allusion to Fight Club in an earlier entry, and I'm not fucking kidding. I'm going to completely lose it if this doesn't get better soon. Thankfully I have a date with my shrink in less than 7 hours, so I can relay to her that I'm falling back the same hole I was in when I started seeing her, and if you know my history, you know how fucking serious that is. I almost took myself to the emergency room last night. I was that terrified of what I might do to myself.
I should've gone anyway; I need to see a physician about my innards; there is bleeding somewhere along my gastrointestinal tract. It's really sad when you neglect your health because you're too fucking busy with school.
Enough of this bullshit. Maybe I can read myself back to sleep.
I do have a lot on my plate right now, though. Hearing about the Military Commissions Act made me upset beyond description; Kitty is partially deaf currently and is hiding from me in her box or in my closet; my mother believes that I have been brainwashed and taking too many psychedelic drugs (this came in response to me explaining the Military Commissions Act to her, since she lives in a fucking hole and somehow managed not to hear about the man here who chopped up and cooked his girlfriend before jumping off a building) and she fucking meant it. She believes this is the beginning of the end, that the Apocalypse is nigh. Three of my friends from high school were nearly killed by a drunk driver yesterday; had they chosen to take Erica's car instead of Tiffany's they probably would not have survived. Money is a huge worry right now, and I have to find a new place to live--and soon.
But so many weeks of disrupted sleep...I'm losing my mind. I made an allusion to Fight Club in an earlier entry, and I'm not fucking kidding. I'm going to completely lose it if this doesn't get better soon. Thankfully I have a date with my shrink in less than 7 hours, so I can relay to her that I'm falling back the same hole I was in when I started seeing her, and if you know my history, you know how fucking serious that is. I almost took myself to the emergency room last night. I was that terrified of what I might do to myself.
I should've gone anyway; I need to see a physician about my innards; there is bleeding somewhere along my gastrointestinal tract. It's really sad when you neglect your health because you're too fucking busy with school.
Enough of this bullshit. Maybe I can read myself back to sleep.