Misadventures in the homeland vol. I
Been in China now for about 3 weeks, and quite a lot of stuff has happened, in the slow, strange way it does in the summer. So far, I've contracted a summer cold, beaten my way through 3/4 of Lego Harry Potter, been witness to restaurant violence, and been called fat by at least 20 people, including all of my family.
What's that? You want me to elaborate?
I think everything else is pretty self-explanatory, but I HAVE to tell the story of how I almost ended up on the Shandong local TV news.
My vati had this meeting at this seaside town called Yantai, and it's a pretty popular tourist destination for Chinese folks, so mutti and I go up to join him.
Hilarious outtake #1: We drive up to the hotel, I see this
and I think... why are Haitians building in obscure Chinese cities? Vati quickly points out that the actual name of the hotel is Hai Tian, or Sea Sky. I feel dumb.
One day we decide to go to the local tourist trap, Penglai Gu, which is loosely translated as Fairyland. Like all other Chinese tourist hellholes, this one is full of people, vendors, and smells like a mix between a public toilet and a garbage truck. This one also had the wonderful olfactory addition of rotting fish, being so near the ocean.
Lest I spend the rest of my time complaining, I'm going to move on to a most lolarious incident that happened on the way.
We stop for lunch at this very sketchy looking "restaurant." I use that term very loosely. We go in and are greeted by the hostess screaming at another patron. Lovely. Then we see all the dish options ranged on a table, complete with spoiled fish. Even lovelier. Vati is not put off and he orders a bunch of food. Mutti and I are appropriately horrified.
As inside is rather loud, we choose to sit on the porch, which has quite a bit of wildlife crowding around, but fewer people. I think it's a good tradeoff. We're led to our table, and a woman from a tour group is standing there on the phone and rooting through her bag. The waitress tells her to move on, in a tone of voice that implies the woman was not taking up space but rather taking a massive dump on her dog. The woman responds that she'll move when she's good and ready, and we offer to take the table behind.
Before I can even sit down, this enormous fight breaks out between the two. They begin shouting and threatening each other with physical harm. All the while, tour group lady's daughter is standing there looking horrified. They both leave, but not before the woman whips out her cell phone and calls her tour guide, berating him for taking them to this horrible place. She goes inside, we start eating.
The peace does not continue long. We can hear more shouting from inside the restaurant, and clattering noises. All of a sudden, the police show up! Apparently the waitress has kicked the woman on her ass! The woman makes a point of showing the footprint to all and sundry. At first the waitress wants us to bear witness, but the police (thank god) tell her to stop making a fuss and not to bother people who are just trying to eat their lunch. Tour group lady breaks down crying and is taken to the hospital for a physical. The whole sorry affair is taped, possibly with me in the background trying to stifle my laughter with my fist.
So far no one has called to tell me that I was on CCTV, so I guess I'm in the clear. And looking back on this entry, it doesn't sound too funny or interesting, but I promise, at the time, it was absolutely spellbinding in it's ridiculousness.
What's that? You want me to elaborate?
I think everything else is pretty self-explanatory, but I HAVE to tell the story of how I almost ended up on the Shandong local TV news.
My vati had this meeting at this seaside town called Yantai, and it's a pretty popular tourist destination for Chinese folks, so mutti and I go up to join him.
Hilarious outtake #1: We drive up to the hotel, I see this
and I think... why are Haitians building in obscure Chinese cities? Vati quickly points out that the actual name of the hotel is Hai Tian, or Sea Sky. I feel dumb.
One day we decide to go to the local tourist trap, Penglai Gu, which is loosely translated as Fairyland. Like all other Chinese tourist hellholes, this one is full of people, vendors, and smells like a mix between a public toilet and a garbage truck. This one also had the wonderful olfactory addition of rotting fish, being so near the ocean.
Lest I spend the rest of my time complaining, I'm going to move on to a most lolarious incident that happened on the way.
We stop for lunch at this very sketchy looking "restaurant." I use that term very loosely. We go in and are greeted by the hostess screaming at another patron. Lovely. Then we see all the dish options ranged on a table, complete with spoiled fish. Even lovelier. Vati is not put off and he orders a bunch of food. Mutti and I are appropriately horrified.
As inside is rather loud, we choose to sit on the porch, which has quite a bit of wildlife crowding around, but fewer people. I think it's a good tradeoff. We're led to our table, and a woman from a tour group is standing there on the phone and rooting through her bag. The waitress tells her to move on, in a tone of voice that implies the woman was not taking up space but rather taking a massive dump on her dog. The woman responds that she'll move when she's good and ready, and we offer to take the table behind.
Before I can even sit down, this enormous fight breaks out between the two. They begin shouting and threatening each other with physical harm. All the while, tour group lady's daughter is standing there looking horrified. They both leave, but not before the woman whips out her cell phone and calls her tour guide, berating him for taking them to this horrible place. She goes inside, we start eating.
The peace does not continue long. We can hear more shouting from inside the restaurant, and clattering noises. All of a sudden, the police show up! Apparently the waitress has kicked the woman on her ass! The woman makes a point of showing the footprint to all and sundry. At first the waitress wants us to bear witness, but the police (thank god) tell her to stop making a fuss and not to bother people who are just trying to eat their lunch. Tour group lady breaks down crying and is taken to the hospital for a physical. The whole sorry affair is taped, possibly with me in the background trying to stifle my laughter with my fist.
So far no one has called to tell me that I was on CCTV, so I guess I'm in the clear. And looking back on this entry, it doesn't sound too funny or interesting, but I promise, at the time, it was absolutely spellbinding in it's ridiculousness.