Update, update.
Grrrr, why is life so complicated? Just everything about life, I don't get it, as much as I sometimes think I get it, and might appear to have gotten it, I just simply don't.
Everything about life is weird, and sometimes hard, and although at times I absolutely love life, which I do most of the time, the general getting by with life blows me away, I don't mean to speak in riddles, I just don't want to go too deep into things on this internet journal, as I've decided, as much as I am an open book, which I am, to a certain degree - I am more open than a lot of people, I'm pretty honest I think, I just don't want to share my entire life story with everyone.
I'm waiting for something to happen in life, any day now, which I'm not going to disclose on this journal, that I just want to be over and done with. I need to know so that I can settle my nerves that occassional arise - I'm trying to be my calm self, as laid back as I sometimes appear - but I need to know this thing so that I can be settled about my near future - lol... I know this makes no sense to most of you, but as soon as I know, I'll let you all know what's been happening this past month or so. It's nothing too massive - well it is, but just to me, I'm not ill or anything and my family is all too good, so no worries.
The death of Steve Irwin is something else I don't understand, so weird, I cannot get my head around it. God's will, or ways..whatever, I don't get it. I don't understand the way this world works. Just last week a woman from Carlise, a mere 22 years old, was jailed for four months, for starving her adult German Sheppard to death - with good behaviour she'll get out in like a month, yet this man who championed animals, who was clearly such a good person, was taken away... by a bloody stingray, making Irwin like the second Australian fatality by stingray... it's bizzare... it made me sooooo sad... why do people who do not deserve to die, get taken out in the most horrible of circumstances, while absolute crap of this world are living and breathing and doing their dirty stuff, like child sex trafficing and torturing animals and people to death ... why? Stupid and disgusting as he is, Ian Huntly, the guy convicted of killing the two girls a couple of years ago, decided to try and take his own life in another suicide attempt - I think he's alright, he must be.. it's not been all over the news that he's died.. which I, for one, am glad about. I don't believe some people deserve death. While my mum complains that he should just be let to die, as it's some of her tax money that keeps scum like that alive, I personally think that death is too good for him. He doesn't deserve the easy way out, he should live with what he's done. For my mums problem, I suggest that our prisoners be dealt with in the most basic way... I don't care if prison is hell for them, as long as they're fed and watered and kept alive, they do not deserve to die. Fo my own selfish reasons this I do believe.
Sorry to all for my rambling, seems that while I was putting off doing an update, deliberately none the less... now that I've allowed myself to do so, it's all coming out.
So yea, life... I hate it when it goes too fast, seriously, time flies by.. at this rate I'll be dead soon. Days, weeks, months.. they speed by. But then, it sometimes go to slow. This might seem weird, and contradictory.. but I want to be grown up - I'm well aware that I'm nearly 20, and I don't want to wish my good year away, because I love things in life like witnesssing family years, spending time with family... and stuff like at Uni, being with friends and doing the Uni stuff, which I really love.
But, I want to be at a STABLE point of my life. Really. I like stability, as boring as that might sound. I want to have my own dream house, with my own dream walls, with my close friends and family contacts, a job, which I'll hopefully love.. just feeling stability in being who I am, instead of all this waiting around, worrying about what the future holds... worrying about whether am going to be where and who I want to be.
And then, I feel like I'm living in a dream world too much, I might just need to kick myself in reality, an example being my absolute love for Sex and the City, I love the lifestyles the women have - although, personally, I think they go through too many men, and I don't want that for me - unless of course they're all hot and lovely - which they never are... so apart from the rampent sex and having of men, lol.. Carrie and the girls are my dream world. I need to large dose of reality, please? Without the heartache.
Other thoughts of the now, I love my friends, still. I realised a long time ago, but have recently taken note of again, I've been incredibly blessed with good friends.. really. Each special in their own little way.. some very special to my heart, but yes, I love my friends.. I hope to keep some of them forever, while others, although I love very much, I think I can live with just knowing that they are my friends, and for whatever period of my life they were part of, they did their bit, they made their impact and I'll remember them for it.
Some of my friends confuse me, and taking some responsibility, I need to get over some of my negative personality traits.. but still, a few of my friends are getting on my nerves, with their inconsiderate mannerisms and their general annoying habits, I feel like one of my friends in particular causes me more grief than she does happiness. It may just be that her littles ways, innocent enough, are those character traits that just grind me down. I feel like we're not really good friends, that she just uses me when she needs me, like she's competing against me, that she's just basically inconsiderate. But apart from this - which I will probably just get over - everything is great.
Ok, I don't have much else to rave about. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, going shopping and maybe to catch a movie with Heather, than next thursday, am going to Alton Towers with Heather, Shell and Katie, and maybe an old best friend Sarah, who I haven't seen for a year, which will be good. That weekend I might go to lancaster to my house, hopefully see Ollie. Not sure what I'm doing this weekend. Might be seeing people, not sure. Going for a drink with an old friend soon, good good.
So, that's about it.
I kinda want to get my cards read, even though I don't particularly feel like I believe in such things as fortune tellers.. my sister got hers done and that seemed to go well. I got a regression done two years ago and that possitively affected my life... so I might get my cards read, if only for reassurence... or fun, whatever.
I feel like I'm desperately clinging on to my life at the moment, onto the track I'm supposed to be on.. aw.. so confusing. My friend Danielle says that she believes God has us on the path we're supposed to be on, that he has us where we're supposed to be, and as much as I want to, I'm not sure I have that faith in God right now.
Hopefully, a.s.a.p, my worries will be settled... and all will be perfect lol.
I don't know what to do with myself, I don't know what to believe.. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I feel about certain people and situations... deep down, I think I'm OK. I'm still me.
This will be the most confusing and stupid post I've ever done, and the next post I do will be a certain one. Where life is good and normal. It'll be a post done at one of those rare times in my life, where things are running smoothly. Which I've realised it barely ever does for me.. life always throws obstacles in my way.. which in the past I've always overcome, so hopefully this will continue.
So yes, the trick is to keep breathing!
=D
Love to all.
Apologies for such a, erm, poor post. lol
xx
Everything about life is weird, and sometimes hard, and although at times I absolutely love life, which I do most of the time, the general getting by with life blows me away, I don't mean to speak in riddles, I just don't want to go too deep into things on this internet journal, as I've decided, as much as I am an open book, which I am, to a certain degree - I am more open than a lot of people, I'm pretty honest I think, I just don't want to share my entire life story with everyone.
I'm waiting for something to happen in life, any day now, which I'm not going to disclose on this journal, that I just want to be over and done with. I need to know so that I can settle my nerves that occassional arise - I'm trying to be my calm self, as laid back as I sometimes appear - but I need to know this thing so that I can be settled about my near future - lol... I know this makes no sense to most of you, but as soon as I know, I'll let you all know what's been happening this past month or so. It's nothing too massive - well it is, but just to me, I'm not ill or anything and my family is all too good, so no worries.
The death of Steve Irwin is something else I don't understand, so weird, I cannot get my head around it. God's will, or ways..whatever, I don't get it. I don't understand the way this world works. Just last week a woman from Carlise, a mere 22 years old, was jailed for four months, for starving her adult German Sheppard to death - with good behaviour she'll get out in like a month, yet this man who championed animals, who was clearly such a good person, was taken away... by a bloody stingray, making Irwin like the second Australian fatality by stingray... it's bizzare... it made me sooooo sad... why do people who do not deserve to die, get taken out in the most horrible of circumstances, while absolute crap of this world are living and breathing and doing their dirty stuff, like child sex trafficing and torturing animals and people to death ... why? Stupid and disgusting as he is, Ian Huntly, the guy convicted of killing the two girls a couple of years ago, decided to try and take his own life in another suicide attempt - I think he's alright, he must be.. it's not been all over the news that he's died.. which I, for one, am glad about. I don't believe some people deserve death. While my mum complains that he should just be let to die, as it's some of her tax money that keeps scum like that alive, I personally think that death is too good for him. He doesn't deserve the easy way out, he should live with what he's done. For my mums problem, I suggest that our prisoners be dealt with in the most basic way... I don't care if prison is hell for them, as long as they're fed and watered and kept alive, they do not deserve to die. Fo my own selfish reasons this I do believe.
Sorry to all for my rambling, seems that while I was putting off doing an update, deliberately none the less... now that I've allowed myself to do so, it's all coming out.
So yea, life... I hate it when it goes too fast, seriously, time flies by.. at this rate I'll be dead soon. Days, weeks, months.. they speed by. But then, it sometimes go to slow. This might seem weird, and contradictory.. but I want to be grown up - I'm well aware that I'm nearly 20, and I don't want to wish my good year away, because I love things in life like witnesssing family years, spending time with family... and stuff like at Uni, being with friends and doing the Uni stuff, which I really love.
But, I want to be at a STABLE point of my life. Really. I like stability, as boring as that might sound. I want to have my own dream house, with my own dream walls, with my close friends and family contacts, a job, which I'll hopefully love.. just feeling stability in being who I am, instead of all this waiting around, worrying about what the future holds... worrying about whether am going to be where and who I want to be.
And then, I feel like I'm living in a dream world too much, I might just need to kick myself in reality, an example being my absolute love for Sex and the City, I love the lifestyles the women have - although, personally, I think they go through too many men, and I don't want that for me - unless of course they're all hot and lovely - which they never are... so apart from the rampent sex and having of men, lol.. Carrie and the girls are my dream world. I need to large dose of reality, please? Without the heartache.
Other thoughts of the now, I love my friends, still. I realised a long time ago, but have recently taken note of again, I've been incredibly blessed with good friends.. really. Each special in their own little way.. some very special to my heart, but yes, I love my friends.. I hope to keep some of them forever, while others, although I love very much, I think I can live with just knowing that they are my friends, and for whatever period of my life they were part of, they did their bit, they made their impact and I'll remember them for it.
Some of my friends confuse me, and taking some responsibility, I need to get over some of my negative personality traits.. but still, a few of my friends are getting on my nerves, with their inconsiderate mannerisms and their general annoying habits, I feel like one of my friends in particular causes me more grief than she does happiness. It may just be that her littles ways, innocent enough, are those character traits that just grind me down. I feel like we're not really good friends, that she just uses me when she needs me, like she's competing against me, that she's just basically inconsiderate. But apart from this - which I will probably just get over - everything is great.
Ok, I don't have much else to rave about. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, going shopping and maybe to catch a movie with Heather, than next thursday, am going to Alton Towers with Heather, Shell and Katie, and maybe an old best friend Sarah, who I haven't seen for a year, which will be good. That weekend I might go to lancaster to my house, hopefully see Ollie. Not sure what I'm doing this weekend. Might be seeing people, not sure. Going for a drink with an old friend soon, good good.
So, that's about it.
I kinda want to get my cards read, even though I don't particularly feel like I believe in such things as fortune tellers.. my sister got hers done and that seemed to go well. I got a regression done two years ago and that possitively affected my life... so I might get my cards read, if only for reassurence... or fun, whatever.
I feel like I'm desperately clinging on to my life at the moment, onto the track I'm supposed to be on.. aw.. so confusing. My friend Danielle says that she believes God has us on the path we're supposed to be on, that he has us where we're supposed to be, and as much as I want to, I'm not sure I have that faith in God right now.
Hopefully, a.s.a.p, my worries will be settled... and all will be perfect lol.
I don't know what to do with myself, I don't know what to believe.. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I feel about certain people and situations... deep down, I think I'm OK. I'm still me.
This will be the most confusing and stupid post I've ever done, and the next post I do will be a certain one. Where life is good and normal. It'll be a post done at one of those rare times in my life, where things are running smoothly. Which I've realised it barely ever does for me.. life always throws obstacles in my way.. which in the past I've always overcome, so hopefully this will continue.
So yes, the trick is to keep breathing!
=D
Love to all.
Apologies for such a, erm, poor post. lol
xx