Never Is A Promise, And You Can't Afford To Lie
“It’s normal, you know” she tells me
But I don’t care- I refuse to believe
That this is ordinary teen angst.
I am not ordinary. I am not common.
“Fuck you” I say. “I’m hungry”
“Then you should eat” she replies
“No” I say. “That’s not what I mean.
I’m hungry for stories and beauty and
Inspiration.”
“I know” she says.
“I’m also deflated. And alone. And in
exceptional want of life rather than
existence”. She gives me a skeptical
look. “And you think that’s not normal?”
I shrug. I want to believe I’m special.
I’m scratching at my skin,
Searching and searching for that red
Liquid life that flows beneath it.
I am made of paper, of wood, of stone,
Of clay and “I…just can’t. Not anymore”.
She sighs, almost sympathetically.
“You shouldn’t do that”
Her voice is thick with dreams,
As she tells me this like I don’t already know.
“Why not?” I ask. I know it’s useless and
I’ll never change her mind, but I’ll
Try anyway. Before she can respond, I attempt justification.
“Pumpkins will remain pumpkins, they will
Not turn into coaches. Beasts will not be transformed by
a young girl's kiss. Loneliness is the human condition
Kindness is too much to ask for
There is no Happily Ever After
True love doesn't conquer all
Mermaids can not become human
You don't believe in fairies
Dragons aren't real
Animals don't talk”
“No” she agrees, “but we do”.
I look at her- my turn to be skeptical.
I scratch again, thinking what she’s thinking:
“Cutting is stupid”…Maybe she’s
The bad habit. Maybe I am.
My fingers are sticky with peanut butter and honey
While hers are made soft and salty by sea water
And her feet are stained with sand
“Why do you try so hard to throw people off?”
She asks me. “You’ve kept me at arm’s
Length since we met”.
“It’s a people thing”. I want to leave it at
That but she won’t let me. “A people
Thing?” she asks, turning my answer into a question.
“I don’t understand them.” I answer
Her inquisitive look won’t budge from her face,
So I continue.
“I don’t understand why they do the things
That they do, why they act the way that they
Act, why they think the way that think.
And it’s been that way forever. For years
Now. Since elementary school I’ve felt this
Way. So I’ve come to the conclusion that
I can’t possibly be human. If I was, I wouldn’t
Feel so isolated every time I go out in public.
I mean, I hate every happy couple I see.”
“That’s normal too.” She tries to explain
But I guess she doesn’t realize that she’s not
Helping. She doesn’t realize that I need
This feeling. This feeling of isolation
Makes me feel special. It’s all that I have
In this world where I really do feel like
Something different. Blue-skinned sea
Nymph. Half-horse half-girl centaur.
A bird girl with hidden wings.
But I close my eyes to hide the tears
Behind them. To hide them from her
Because I don’t want her to know that I know.
Because I do know.
I’m an ordinary, angsty teenager with
Ordinary angsty thoughts that maybe
One day I’ll grow out of.
But now I can't shake the feeling of an ugly stepsister
And I'm afraid to go outside should I melt in the rain
But I don’t care- I refuse to believe
That this is ordinary teen angst.
I am not ordinary. I am not common.
“Fuck you” I say. “I’m hungry”
“Then you should eat” she replies
“No” I say. “That’s not what I mean.
I’m hungry for stories and beauty and
Inspiration.”
“I know” she says.
“I’m also deflated. And alone. And in
exceptional want of life rather than
existence”. She gives me a skeptical
look. “And you think that’s not normal?”
I shrug. I want to believe I’m special.
I’m scratching at my skin,
Searching and searching for that red
Liquid life that flows beneath it.
I am made of paper, of wood, of stone,
Of clay and “I…just can’t. Not anymore”.
She sighs, almost sympathetically.
“You shouldn’t do that”
Her voice is thick with dreams,
As she tells me this like I don’t already know.
“Why not?” I ask. I know it’s useless and
I’ll never change her mind, but I’ll
Try anyway. Before she can respond, I attempt justification.
“Pumpkins will remain pumpkins, they will
Not turn into coaches. Beasts will not be transformed by
a young girl's kiss. Loneliness is the human condition
Kindness is too much to ask for
There is no Happily Ever After
True love doesn't conquer all
Mermaids can not become human
You don't believe in fairies
Dragons aren't real
Animals don't talk”
“No” she agrees, “but we do”.
I look at her- my turn to be skeptical.
I scratch again, thinking what she’s thinking:
“Cutting is stupid”…Maybe she’s
The bad habit. Maybe I am.
My fingers are sticky with peanut butter and honey
While hers are made soft and salty by sea water
And her feet are stained with sand
“Why do you try so hard to throw people off?”
She asks me. “You’ve kept me at arm’s
Length since we met”.
“It’s a people thing”. I want to leave it at
That but she won’t let me. “A people
Thing?” she asks, turning my answer into a question.
“I don’t understand them.” I answer
Her inquisitive look won’t budge from her face,
So I continue.
“I don’t understand why they do the things
That they do, why they act the way that they
Act, why they think the way that think.
And it’s been that way forever. For years
Now. Since elementary school I’ve felt this
Way. So I’ve come to the conclusion that
I can’t possibly be human. If I was, I wouldn’t
Feel so isolated every time I go out in public.
I mean, I hate every happy couple I see.”
“That’s normal too.” She tries to explain
But I guess she doesn’t realize that she’s not
Helping. She doesn’t realize that I need
This feeling. This feeling of isolation
Makes me feel special. It’s all that I have
In this world where I really do feel like
Something different. Blue-skinned sea
Nymph. Half-horse half-girl centaur.
A bird girl with hidden wings.
But I close my eyes to hide the tears
Behind them. To hide them from her
Because I don’t want her to know that I know.
Because I do know.
I’m an ordinary, angsty teenager with
Ordinary angsty thoughts that maybe
One day I’ll grow out of.
But now I can't shake the feeling of an ugly stepsister
And I'm afraid to go outside should I melt in the rain