Ok so this one time at subway...
Normally i prefer to put my stupid subway things in D-film format but this one won't fit. I'm just gonna type it out instead. It was Saturday (or Sunday as those are the only days I opened at that store) Pretty early in the morning and this couple comes in for some sandwiches (yeah I know nothing good so far but I'm trying to set the scene here so shaddup) Anyhow they order chicken breast (which we store frozen) and that early none had thawed out yet. I grab some and go to put it into the microwave when the guy stops me telling me "don't microwave it we'd prefer it cold instead of microwaved" I tell him it's still frozen thus they decided they'll have something else (they got turkey I think) Now thats only kind of odd so far right? it's this next part thats all Whoooo!! So I'm making the sandwiches and the guy tells me "You know microwaves were designed as weapons right? Russian scientist performed all kinds of experiments with them back in the 50's on people and animals" At this point everything begins to feel very surreal so I chime in with "Well you know how the Russians are at the forefront of technology and science" and the guy is like "Really???" but his Wife (who seemed to be a bit brighter) told him I was probably being sarcastic. And then proceeded to tell me "Microwaves destroy All the nutrition in food (so much for the brighter theory)" and "they've run tests and water that has been microwaved won't grow crops" (i wonder if they let it cool down first?) After these awe(some? ful?) revelations I was having serious trouble not just laughing at them until they left so i just finished making thier food while trying to ignore his babble about healthy eating and such. I ring them up (no drinks) and they went to a table to eat. They didn't get drinks because they brought in thier own little jug of... water? (didn't ask couldn't take anymore) he comes up and get some water cups pours some kind of powder into it then (probably) water and drinks only that. Having work to do in the back I pull myself away from the spectacle and concentrate on holding the insane laughter in. A little while later I hear them get up and leave so I go up to make sure they are gone And The Fucker Is Right Outside SMOKING!!!! I laughed so hard i almost passed out he must have heard me cause he looks in and just nods or waves or something i don't really remember i just had to get away from it.