School, clients, and summer plans...and other stuff
Just a little over a week until WEC. Then some stress will be gone!! Yay!! I do still need to house a couple more people and have a couple more people picked up from the airport, but I"m going to work on all of that tomorrow and see what the rest of the needs are.
I feel like this semester I"m always on the go and I"m always tired. Normally I come home and crash. But not tonight. Tonight I have extra energy or something. Really, I think I might have been on something when I planned my schedule for this semester. And I have alot of stuff due next week-2 interviews, reading, a presentation and a chart on either 1/2 Chronicles. That might be it. Plus all my clients. I have like 8 clients, but 2 of them I've only seen once. And I'm seeing a couple and I"m going to see a little boy. I do have to admit that I love counseling, when I have some idea of what I"m doing, not to say that the Holy Spirit isn't working in all the situations, just some situations are clearer to me than others. Being like a pseudo real counselor is extremely humbling and it's hard and alot of times I just want to quit. But I press on.
School is good, even though there's alot to do. I'm learning alot of stuff and being challenged to think, which I enjoy. And my like desire to read God's Word is back. As I worked on my 2 Kings chart and as I read Hebrews, I just realized how much I love reading Scripture. God's love and grace is truly amazing and not something I"m ever going to get over. And then reading in Hebrews about Jesus-wow. I can't even put it into words really.
So I'm not going back to Russia this summer. I'm going to be travelling this country with Women of Faith/Revolve going to different festivals promoting it. I have total peace that this is from the Lord. I've been hearing one of my friends talk about it for months and never thought about going, but then when she asked a couple of weeks ago, something just clicked and was like pursue this more and so I'm going. =) It'll be nice to get away from Dallas and see I guess more of the needs that are here and just do something different. And I do get paid and it'll pay for tuition-which has been a prayer of mine since last summer. And I"m excited about going, but really I just want to burst into tears. I feel like someone has an ice pick or a sledgehammer and is just hacking away at my heart. It is truly tearing me up on the inside knowing that I'm not going back to Russia this summer. But that does not mean that I won't go back the next summer or go for a visit over Christmas or something. And I realized how little faith I was having in the Lord about my future and about the call I believe He's given me to go to Russia, one day. The Scripture, "I believe; help my unbelief" has been my prayer as I've been struggling through all of this. Part of me wants to back out and just go to Russia, but that's just not the plan for me this summer. And I have to write Lera an email before I go to bed explaining all of this to her. It's not going to be easy. If anyone actually reads this, I'd love some prayer. It's going to be hard to not go back and I don't want to be resentful this summer that I'm not in Russia. I just thought of something. People would always mention something about the sacrifice I was making to go to Russia, but to me it was never a sacrifice, but this not going to Russia is more of a sacrifice to me.
I've been listening to some Bebo Norman recently, mostly the song The Hammer Holds. It's been my theme for the past couple of weeks. Here are the lyrics.
"A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds" The Hammer Holds by Bebo Norman
I feel like this semester I"m always on the go and I"m always tired. Normally I come home and crash. But not tonight. Tonight I have extra energy or something. Really, I think I might have been on something when I planned my schedule for this semester. And I have alot of stuff due next week-2 interviews, reading, a presentation and a chart on either 1/2 Chronicles. That might be it. Plus all my clients. I have like 8 clients, but 2 of them I've only seen once. And I'm seeing a couple and I"m going to see a little boy. I do have to admit that I love counseling, when I have some idea of what I"m doing, not to say that the Holy Spirit isn't working in all the situations, just some situations are clearer to me than others. Being like a pseudo real counselor is extremely humbling and it's hard and alot of times I just want to quit. But I press on.
School is good, even though there's alot to do. I'm learning alot of stuff and being challenged to think, which I enjoy. And my like desire to read God's Word is back. As I worked on my 2 Kings chart and as I read Hebrews, I just realized how much I love reading Scripture. God's love and grace is truly amazing and not something I"m ever going to get over. And then reading in Hebrews about Jesus-wow. I can't even put it into words really.
So I'm not going back to Russia this summer. I'm going to be travelling this country with Women of Faith/Revolve going to different festivals promoting it. I have total peace that this is from the Lord. I've been hearing one of my friends talk about it for months and never thought about going, but then when she asked a couple of weeks ago, something just clicked and was like pursue this more and so I'm going. =) It'll be nice to get away from Dallas and see I guess more of the needs that are here and just do something different. And I do get paid and it'll pay for tuition-which has been a prayer of mine since last summer. And I"m excited about going, but really I just want to burst into tears. I feel like someone has an ice pick or a sledgehammer and is just hacking away at my heart. It is truly tearing me up on the inside knowing that I'm not going back to Russia this summer. But that does not mean that I won't go back the next summer or go for a visit over Christmas or something. And I realized how little faith I was having in the Lord about my future and about the call I believe He's given me to go to Russia, one day. The Scripture, "I believe; help my unbelief" has been my prayer as I've been struggling through all of this. Part of me wants to back out and just go to Russia, but that's just not the plan for me this summer. And I have to write Lera an email before I go to bed explaining all of this to her. It's not going to be easy. If anyone actually reads this, I'd love some prayer. It's going to be hard to not go back and I don't want to be resentful this summer that I'm not in Russia. I just thought of something. People would always mention something about the sacrifice I was making to go to Russia, but to me it was never a sacrifice, but this not going to Russia is more of a sacrifice to me.
I've been listening to some Bebo Norman recently, mostly the song The Hammer Holds. It's been my theme for the past couple of weeks. Here are the lyrics.
"A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds" The Hammer Holds by Bebo Norman