(no subject)
I'm so screwed.
the holidays ALWAYS depress me. for the past little while I have barely been able to keep myself from cutting, I broke down and cut on saturday. whenever I do it it's because I am feeling lonely or helpless, or just severely depressed. *or all of them*
My bf helps me out, he's the only reason I'm still *here*. he's going away for the holidays. he's going to newfoundland to visit family and I fully support that he's going (and I know its super selfish of me that I can't keep from being sad) but I'm going to miss him so much... and I can't help it but as soon as I heard the dates he is going for I just got numb, a fog of depression just washed right over me in 3 seconds and it was all I could do to not fall down. he's gone from December 26th till January 11th.
for a normal person thats nothing, 16 days is fine. but .... not for me. he goes to newfoundland every summer *except this past summer* - last time I fell apart. not cutting too much, but I was barely eating. I dropped 15 lb over the 2 and a half weeks he was gone. I just know I'm going to ruin everything I've come to - I've gained weight AND started losing it gradually *sort of healthilly* and I'm not cutting nearly as much as I used to. With the stress of upcoming exams and of missing him I know I am going to screw up big time....
I just feel the need to talk to someone but I have no one to talk to whose not on the internet. any encouragement right now would be greatly appreciated <3
the holidays ALWAYS depress me. for the past little while I have barely been able to keep myself from cutting, I broke down and cut on saturday. whenever I do it it's because I am feeling lonely or helpless, or just severely depressed. *or all of them*
My bf helps me out, he's the only reason I'm still *here*. he's going away for the holidays. he's going to newfoundland to visit family and I fully support that he's going (and I know its super selfish of me that I can't keep from being sad) but I'm going to miss him so much... and I can't help it but as soon as I heard the dates he is going for I just got numb, a fog of depression just washed right over me in 3 seconds and it was all I could do to not fall down. he's gone from December 26th till January 11th.
for a normal person thats nothing, 16 days is fine. but .... not for me. he goes to newfoundland every summer *except this past summer* - last time I fell apart. not cutting too much, but I was barely eating. I dropped 15 lb over the 2 and a half weeks he was gone. I just know I'm going to ruin everything I've come to - I've gained weight AND started losing it gradually *sort of healthilly* and I'm not cutting nearly as much as I used to. With the stress of upcoming exams and of missing him I know I am going to screw up big time....
I just feel the need to talk to someone but I have no one to talk to whose not on the internet. any encouragement right now would be greatly appreciated <3