(no subject)
I mean it. Please stop reading if you are still struggeling with cutting or just started recovery or if you are easily triggered, because i don't want to discourage/trigger anybody.
So, here is the deal. I'm 4 years and three month cut-clean. And i'm darn proud of it. But for the last few weaks I find myseld really struggeling with it. It's not like i havent't been there before. It's hard not to go there when certain things happen. You know what I'm talking about.
But latly it's not because something happened that evokes the need to cut. It's just that I miss the cutting itself and that really scares me. I just miss that particular kind of pain, the feeling when the blood starts dropping and so on. And I just can't shake it. It has been driving me crazy for weeks now, I think about it every day, up until yesterday, when i had a razor in my hand. It took all the willpower I have not to do it. And I'm not sure i can stop myself the next time.
I'm scared because I don't know if I can stop cutting again if i slip up now. And i don't know what to do. After all those years you would think it would get easier. And it has, when it comes to dealing with my emotions and the people around me, instead of cutting it all out. But I just don't know how to deal with this need to cut for the sake of cutting.
Can somebody help me?
So, here is the deal. I'm 4 years and three month cut-clean. And i'm darn proud of it. But for the last few weaks I find myseld really struggeling with it. It's not like i havent't been there before. It's hard not to go there when certain things happen. You know what I'm talking about.
But latly it's not because something happened that evokes the need to cut. It's just that I miss the cutting itself and that really scares me. I just miss that particular kind of pain, the feeling when the blood starts dropping and so on. And I just can't shake it. It has been driving me crazy for weeks now, I think about it every day, up until yesterday, when i had a razor in my hand. It took all the willpower I have not to do it. And I'm not sure i can stop myself the next time.
I'm scared because I don't know if I can stop cutting again if i slip up now. And i don't know what to do. After all those years you would think it would get easier. And it has, when it comes to dealing with my emotions and the people around me, instead of cutting it all out. But I just don't know how to deal with this need to cut for the sake of cutting.
Can somebody help me?