(no subject)
was supposed to hang out with a girl tonight. plans fell through. what a surprise. so here i am drunk & updating my journal again.
i think i need to change something about myself. but i don't know what. although i am satisfied with the person i am-- i have a good sense of morals and i'm dedicated to things i should be dedicated to. i'm just all confused about alot of things. everyone keeps telling me "things will change" and "you'll find someone" and "you just wait and see." but the only responses i'm left with are "when?" and "why should things change for me?" is there really any reason why things should change? what if everything stays the same, and i end up completely unfulfilled? what if i try everything i can and things still don't work out the way i'd like them to? is that really a failure? or just a non-success?
in order to be truly happy, something does need to change. i just don't know if i have any control over what it has to be.
i wrote this at some point last year. enjoy.
"sonnet twenty three"
you play the game and say the name out loud
you mark it down and get around the rules
if you could see then you would be so proud
but you miss out and show no doubt to fools
the players run beyond the sun to burn
they go too far and find they are alone
with fleeting looks and tempting books they learn
that every sigh and every cry is sewn
sometimes you choose the war to lose to foes
but on the ground you'll hear the sound of me
you have your way and everyday it shows
just how trite a beautiful sight can be
take what was built of all your guilt and tears
perhaps you’ll build a wall that’s willed with fears
i think i need to change something about myself. but i don't know what. although i am satisfied with the person i am-- i have a good sense of morals and i'm dedicated to things i should be dedicated to. i'm just all confused about alot of things. everyone keeps telling me "things will change" and "you'll find someone" and "you just wait and see." but the only responses i'm left with are "when?" and "why should things change for me?" is there really any reason why things should change? what if everything stays the same, and i end up completely unfulfilled? what if i try everything i can and things still don't work out the way i'd like them to? is that really a failure? or just a non-success?
in order to be truly happy, something does need to change. i just don't know if i have any control over what it has to be.
i wrote this at some point last year. enjoy.
"sonnet twenty three"
you play the game and say the name out loud
you mark it down and get around the rules
if you could see then you would be so proud
but you miss out and show no doubt to fools
the players run beyond the sun to burn
they go too far and find they are alone
with fleeting looks and tempting books they learn
that every sigh and every cry is sewn
sometimes you choose the war to lose to foes
but on the ground you'll hear the sound of me
you have your way and everyday it shows
just how trite a beautiful sight can be
take what was built of all your guilt and tears
perhaps you’ll build a wall that’s willed with fears