trying something new
alright well I wrote a long entry then it disappeared! It had something to do with mine and david's break up. I have been thinking that maybe it would be helpful to write when I'm feeling upset. So I'm going to try something new. Its been really hard and I think I need to change my strategy about how I'm going to recover quicker. At first I thought it would be easiest to call him or talk to him every time I was upset. It seemed to be working and every day would get a little better but I realized last night when I tried to go to a new bar in Montgomery with my girlfriends that it wasn't working. I talked to my mom for a while and I think that helped but she suggested to take an alotted amount of time and not talk to him at all. It would be easier if I didn't have class with him but I guess I'll deal with that. She said to take it day by day. Just try and get past the hard times when all I want to do is either die or talk to him. And when it seems like the world is completely falling in because I can't talk to him, know that it will get better. I really do feel I deserve better, that I deserve someone that will love me for everything I am and make his world turn around me and that I will do the same. Just like right now, I talked to David over 2 hours ago and he said he would bring Rocco over when his friends left..and he's still not here. I guess his friends are still packing up but I want a lover who realizes that I'm sitting here waiting on him and actually have the decency to call me or send a text and tell me hes sorry it's going to take a little longer than expected. I guess thats the stuff I was really getting sick of towards the end of our relationship.
I've become really good friends with Farren and I think our friendship is going to be a good thing for me. She stands up for herself more than I do and shes trying to teach me to not let people get away with shit that make you upset. She's been through some crazy and tough relationships and breakups and shes been depressed over them so I feel like she knows exactly how I'm feeling. And shes right when she says that she knows I'd rather talk to him than her any day...at this point. Thank the Lord I finally found a good friend here that can help me through this because I sure as hell couldn't do it alone.
Another thing my mom got me thinking about is how I really don't have to settle. or feel like I'm tied down somewhere. And she actually, fairly easily, through out the proposition that I could transfer in January if I wanted. Maybe somewhere new or maybe to UCF. I know I'm in a too unrational state of mind to make that decision but it's nice to know I really can do whatever I want. I really do like Auburn but I have been wondering if the real reason I was enjoying it here was because David was here. Like I told me mom and Farren, I've never met anyone here that I thought I could ever date. There are just different kinds of people here, maybe that will be a good thing in the next few weeks, I'm not quite sure yet.
I've become really good friends with Farren and I think our friendship is going to be a good thing for me. She stands up for herself more than I do and shes trying to teach me to not let people get away with shit that make you upset. She's been through some crazy and tough relationships and breakups and shes been depressed over them so I feel like she knows exactly how I'm feeling. And shes right when she says that she knows I'd rather talk to him than her any day...at this point. Thank the Lord I finally found a good friend here that can help me through this because I sure as hell couldn't do it alone.
Another thing my mom got me thinking about is how I really don't have to settle. or feel like I'm tied down somewhere. And she actually, fairly easily, through out the proposition that I could transfer in January if I wanted. Maybe somewhere new or maybe to UCF. I know I'm in a too unrational state of mind to make that decision but it's nice to know I really can do whatever I want. I really do like Auburn but I have been wondering if the real reason I was enjoying it here was because David was here. Like I told me mom and Farren, I've never met anyone here that I thought I could ever date. There are just different kinds of people here, maybe that will be a good thing in the next few weeks, I'm not quite sure yet.