for the record
my rambling in response to Daniela Chorines sad pathetic boy obsessed journal entry. Why do i save stuff like this?
Oh my god, as if you don't have enough advice already, I can't bare to read through them all however I hope because I've known you on quite a personal level and for a while, you might take more of what I say into consideration...not trying to discredit anyone but ANYWAYS I'll stop disclaiming.
The short time I was great friends with you, you opened up a lot. I know you. I've been inside and out of all of your every feeling and thoughts. This post you made, isn't something we don't already know. I was nodding my head at nearly every sentence and I think anyone that has gotten to know you can say the same. You just finally put it into words and laid it all out on the table, FOR YOURSELF. I think that’s the best start, however...I'm going to say what I'm sure EVERYONE has said in response. OBVIOUSLY CHANGING ISN'T WORKING. As much as people think we can fool, manipulate, deceive, etc.man kind has common sense. Common sense to be able to get vibes off of things that we can't directly pinpoint. Our subconscious can clue us in to things (especially when you're younger..It’s a proven fact) such as shallow people, lacking in depth, being fake, putting on a facade, etc. etc. If I can teach you anything about guys (and I've had my highest highs and lowest lows as many know) it's that the more bullshit you try and pull off, the more fucked up it's going to be. It's like makeup. It can only cover, and only cover so much. Make up will never truly fix something. And if you're unsatisfied with un-instantaneous male gratification, suck it up, like we all have to. The more vulnerable you let yourself be, the more guys are going to sense that and use you all up. They're not as dumb as you may think. It's unfortunate that the media, through movies and music...(ESPECIALLY good idie music) unfortunately, promotes the idea of lots of lovers, lots of fucked up relationships, being unhappy, and miserable, and too stubborn to ever go about fixing it. It seems so desirable and I know you see this, as well as myself that you can almost get off to thinking of a fucked up relationship as being poetic and movie-esque. As appealing as it may seem, you and I and everyone that’s gone through that knows toying with emotions is not something to brag about unless you're Connor Oberst or Tim Kasher.
I'm sorry to continually ramble but I guess what it all comes down to is that YOU NEED TO TOUGH IT OUT. Not everything comes so easily, BUT you also shouldn't have to throw yourself in front of a moving train for your love. You need to find a healthy medium where you can deal with a lack of love, ease into it, have intense emotions with someone whose willing to have them back, but also be open to personality modifications IF NEEDED. I.e. if you're being a bitch you could put more effort into being nicer, without being fake. If you're bleaching your hair for a guy, or not dressing the way you want, or changing yourself, that’s already a red flag. I've been dealing with this so much so recently and you know how confident I used to be. Guys even made ME hate myself. The more you let them do that to you, the more they're going to. And unless you can completely un-attach yourself from fooling around out of drunken, horniness, rather than genuinely thinking free blow jobs will get you in the game, you need to back up and really think about how you can successfully fulfill both needs in a relationship. I really hope you read this because I value you as a person and I think I'm the only one of these 70 comments that might actually know your name. Even if we never talk, I care about you and genuinely care about your happiness, and you know I am always willing to listen or talk if you need ANYTHING. Any time. I believe you have my number. Please don't hesitate. With that being said, I will also promote the idea of therapy however, DO NOT GO IN THERE with a mask on. People often think they can lie to their therapist and get something out of it and it doesn't work that way. You wont get anything out of it unless you lay everything out on the line. And if that makes you nervous, I'm not sure in Canada if it's the same, but in the United States, a therapist is LEGALLY not allowed to tell your parents anything you've said, unless it's like a suicide/death threat or something highly illegal like you shooting up heroin.
ANYWAYS, again, I really hope you read this and take it into consideration as I did to what you said. I know it’s a lot. I'm done rambling, Good day.