(no subject)
i told myself a million times over that i will not do stupid things but it seems like it's a promise i couldn't keep. i've been drunk on and off for the past month and a half and it has significantly affected my work. i have been avoiding needlessly going to work for alot of other reasons. but NOT going when you need to focus on certain things kinda makes for work that sucks. and even if you were there but are unable to focus due to kick-ass hangovers makes for a pointless day. the bosses seem to have NOT noticed but i have and it's a lucky break but i feel lousy about it. i want to do better. i only hope i have enough resolve. and a little less distraction.
BUT the need to drink and be drunk every night has subsided. i don't want the alcohol anymore. i actually feel like focusing on work again. and i have settled in nicely at my new place. i have a crazy psychologist for a landlady and a frisbee-playing-philosophy-professor with two cats (Ziggy and Damien) and a born again virgin for housemates. and the housekeeper has one leg and a helluvan interesting life and a great recipe for korean beef.
though like most anything in my life -- when something settles and the pieces feel like they fall into place something just has to go wrong. i feel like this keeps happening.
from the diary of a broken baby
so she has become another man's secret. she doesn't understand when you started feeling that way. but she also realized how much she's grown accustomed to you.
the bays are small. and dark. maybe they are the culprits. it was a kiss that should never had happened.
you say that ever since you met her, there has never been a time when the job seemed dull. no dull moments, you said. and each time -- she is but natural. you say you are sincere. but she can't have you. and the reasons are obvious.
but she is so aware of you now.
ophelia
-------
from the diary of a broken baby
she can't think about it anymore. several metaphors have been offered. it is a door wherein the both of you refuse to back away from and yet you also refuse to go through.
that night was a car crash. almost. you saw it coming and yet you refused to take your foot off the pedal. you both wanted to take that turn, no matter how dangerous the curve.
the emergency lights went off. there was smoke on the stage. you should have gotten off. and exited thorough different doors. but you both still danced the choreography the ends with bows of regrets the morning after.
milan kundera said to be wary of metaphors. they can, after all, give birth to love.
but she doesn't know how to feel about the offer that was there but you refused thinking it was unfair to her. all that you said she deserves, you cannot give her. she knows that only too well.
maybe it is one clutter that you should take off the table? responsibility for one's actions. that's how it should go. maybe.
ophelia
+|
BUT the need to drink and be drunk every night has subsided. i don't want the alcohol anymore. i actually feel like focusing on work again. and i have settled in nicely at my new place. i have a crazy psychologist for a landlady and a frisbee-playing-philosophy-professor with two cats (Ziggy and Damien) and a born again virgin for housemates. and the housekeeper has one leg and a helluvan interesting life and a great recipe for korean beef.
though like most anything in my life -- when something settles and the pieces feel like they fall into place something just has to go wrong. i feel like this keeps happening.
from the diary of a broken baby
so she has become another man's secret. she doesn't understand when you started feeling that way. but she also realized how much she's grown accustomed to you.
the bays are small. and dark. maybe they are the culprits. it was a kiss that should never had happened.
you say that ever since you met her, there has never been a time when the job seemed dull. no dull moments, you said. and each time -- she is but natural. you say you are sincere. but she can't have you. and the reasons are obvious.
but she is so aware of you now.
ophelia
-------
from the diary of a broken baby
she can't think about it anymore. several metaphors have been offered. it is a door wherein the both of you refuse to back away from and yet you also refuse to go through.
that night was a car crash. almost. you saw it coming and yet you refused to take your foot off the pedal. you both wanted to take that turn, no matter how dangerous the curve.
the emergency lights went off. there was smoke on the stage. you should have gotten off. and exited thorough different doors. but you both still danced the choreography the ends with bows of regrets the morning after.
milan kundera said to be wary of metaphors. they can, after all, give birth to love.
but she doesn't know how to feel about the offer that was there but you refused thinking it was unfair to her. all that you said she deserves, you cannot give her. she knows that only too well.
maybe it is one clutter that you should take off the table? responsibility for one's actions. that's how it should go. maybe.
ophelia
+|