my eyes feel tired and warm.......
this is just to say something, if you are one of the people that read this journal on a daily basis just to laugh, you might want to not read this one, cause this one isnt gonna be funny at all, this one is gonna be depressing...today was a bad , bad bad day, the only thing that was ok about it, is when i petted that camel, he was a awesome camel, and he ate out of my hand., i got home,the phone rang,my grandpa died. he died at 1pm today,its now 7pm,and no one has called me back yet to tell me its all a joke. ill give it a little bit longer,i knew that when i went to tennessee last weekend that it was the last time i would ever see him alive. he didnt want to die, he went in his sleep. today was a bad bad day. i want to move, i want to be where it snows, i hate being here,i really dont know what to write today, its taken me forever to write this much, i just keep looking out the window, watching the traffic go by,i think i want a normal job, one that i can tell people i meet about,cause i cant tell the people in the real world anything like what i do,i want my grandpa back too...everyday that goes by i think that im getting closer to checking out,i wonder if i just go outside and scream really loud if maybe this god that everyone believes in would figure its time to cut me a break already, fuck this i dont even know why i bothered writing today.