i'm not in love...
if only you knew
how your smile heals
in a way that only time could
if only you knew
how i am an orphan in this world
and how the spreading of your lips
gives me a home
a purpose
a reason
my compass
you are the torch
the guiding light
the candle that burns through the night
at all costs
the glimpse
of warmth
and rainbows
the one
to fulfill childhood dreams
that will never die
no matter how hard we ignore them
they are
forever
you hold them
in between your palms
i want to trust you
more than life
i want to love you
as i once loved myself
fully
unconditionally
reciprocally
you are the promise
that these things are possible
that they exist but
they must be scavenged for
which i am working at
with the glow in your cheeks
as my lantern that lights the darkness
into perfection
if only you knew
how you carry happiness
like buckets on a pole across your shoulders
in a labor of love
it's a life's work
a day's hardship
a world's dream
and sweetness
you bear it so well
everyone follows you
you are nestled in their pupils
you are the object of their affection
they are on the edge of their seats
and if only you knew
how you don't even look like yourself when you get mad
how your face turns tomato red
and your lisp accelerates
and your words run together
indistinguishable from one another
and you're half crying
and you're not afraid
if only you knew
what you look like then
maybe you'd understand
why i love you
why i need you
and why you feel
so right
because you are the thing
that's true
and natural
and uncensored
and you just are
fully
unconditionally
for all time.
oh and... how stellar is this: next semester's schedule in which i got EVERYTHING i wanted:
monday/wednesday: 2-3:40 PM: acting fundamentals
tuesday/thursday: 8-9:40 AM: u.s. theater and drama of the 1960's
10-11:20 AM: french 3 (YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!! JE NE PEUX PAS ATTENDRE!!!)
12-1 PM: PILATES!!!!!!!!!!!
and fridays free. and a myriad of theatrical extracurricular stuff yet to be determined... it's confusing but in the works. fan-fucking-tastic. it's about time this school gave me an easy time with something. cheers.