The bitter chill of Winter, the sting of rejection [Seasons Challenge]
Title: The bitter chill of Winter, the sting of rejection
Author: Hairann
Prompt: Winter
Genre: Friendship, Angst, Comfort
AU/CU: CU/Divergence
Rating: T
Warnings: Set in past tense, use of BS and talk of sex; nothing explicit
Word Count: 2972
Summary: A few years later, Sesshoumaru shows up for an unwanted visit and Inuyasha runs away.
Full story summary: Sometimes in order to correct the mistakes of the past, you have to start over from the beginning. Sometimes in order to achieve what you wish for most in the world, you have to be willing to give up everything else. Join Kagome as her wish throws her further back in time, to the moment she is needed the most.
Part 8 of Rewriting History. And as you may have noticed, I am out of colors for the challenge, so for the next four parts it's going to be the Seasons challenge.
I should have known that morning, when I woke up and felt the bitter chill of the floor on my feet, that it was not going to be a good day. There was something almost ominous in the freezing air that morning, but I had brushed it off as merely remnants of some forgotten dream.
The day went on with one problem after another. From breakfast ending up on the floor when I turned around to put it on the table only to end up tripping over one of Inuyasha's toys. To the logs in the fire refusing to catch. Even the weather seemed against me that day as heavy winds and many inches of snow continued to thunder against our tiny home.
It was not long before I had realized that I was not the only one feeling cooped up inside as both Jaken and Inuyasha seemed restless and wanting to go outside. While that meant the former was merely more grumpy then usual; glaring at the door as if that was enough to change the weather, the latter was a different story all together.
That day he reminded me so much of his older self when we first started traveling together. Gruff, always in a bad mood, complaining about every little thing that didn't go his way and practically barking at anyone who even looked at him. No matter what I tried to do to make the day a bit more fun for him, I only seemed to make matters worse.
When their afternoon nap time came around, I had never been more grateful for the silence; even of it was only for a few hours. But even that was short lived as he seemed to be even grumpier when he awoke than when he had gone to bed. By supper time it had gotten much worst; to the point I had actually raised my voice at him.
I can not even remember what had started that particular argument but by the end of it we were arguing about whether he was old enough or not to go hunting by himself. I of course thought he was still too young and he thought I was too overprotective. When he had stormed off to his play corner and ignored me for the rest of the night, I thought that was the end of it.
That he would forget all about the fight by morning like he usually did, but I could not have been more wrong. It was not until I awoke the next morning and noticed he was missing that I realized that fight was not at all like the few others we have had; and it was far from over.
Praying he was just outside playing, even as I got dressed to go look for him, I soon found my worst fear coming true; all of his toys were gone. He had run away from home, away from me. Throwing on my shoes and jacket, relieved to find he had taken his own, I rushed toward the door only to find my exit blocked.
Skidding to a stop to avoided running into him, I glared up at Sesshoumaru; not in the mood to deal with him right then on top of everything else that was going on. I waited a moment for him to move out of the way, but soon realized he had no intention of doing so. "I can not visit with you right now, Sesshoumaru, I have to go look for Inuyasha," I informed him before trying to push my way through the door, but he refused to give way for me to pass.
"You need not worry about the half-breed. Jaken is following him," he assured me before making his way completely inside my home. For nearly a full minute, I stood there, torn between going after Inuyasha anyways and giving him the space he obviously wanted. I knew he would be fine with Jaken looking after him, he had proved his ability to protect him in the years he had been with us, but at the same time, I still felt as though it was my job to go hold his hand.
"Come back inside toward the fire. You will catch a cold standing near the open door like that," Sesshoumaru insisted and for a moment I thought about defying him just to annoy him, but as the cold wind began to bite at my skin, I decided it was not worth it. Closing the door, I made my way over to the fireplace and began preparing tea for the both of us.
"Why are you here, Sesshoumaru?" I demanded once the tea was ready and set his in front of him, not caring that I was being rude. He did not deserve politeness and respect from me anyways.
"The elders of my clan have given me an ultimatum. They feel it is improper for an unmated demon lord wandering about the countryside all the time; barely ever going home. They have decreed that if I wish to continue, I must at least produce an heir," Sesshoumaru explained and for a moment I just stared at him, waiting for him to continue since he had yet to actually answer my question.
Realizing he was done speaking, I decided to ask him again; a bit more forcefully this time. "Why are you here, Sesshoumaru? Obviously you did not come to ask me to have your child." I did not need to come from the future to know that was something that would never happen.
"No, they would not accept a half-demon heir even if I did. A perspective bitch has been decided on, but I do not wish for my first time interacting with someone in such a way to be with a demon I do not know; let alone care for," Sesshoumaru informed me, as though I was some gullible child that did not know any better.
"Drop the bullshit Sesshoumaru. Lying is beneath you. Why are you here?" I demanded for the third time; really starting to get annoyed with his completely obvious attempts to lie to me. I did not know which was worst; the thought that he believed me stupid enough to believe him or that he had such little respect for me that he would actually lie to my face like that. Repeatedly.
After heaving a heavy sigh, Sesshoumaru opened his mouth and told me something I could actually believe. "I can not look incompetent; especially in this. She is known as a gossip and I will not rut with her without knowing what I am doing," Sesshoumaru insisted and for a moment, I thought about telling him that he did not actually have an heir in the future.
But I quickly decided that after everything, and now lying to me, he did not deserve a heads up about what ever hassle he was about to go through for nothing. "So, you came here to what? Practice with me?" I inquired, fighting the very strong urge to strangle him when he nodded. "I already told you, Sesshoumaru. I am not losing my virginity to someone I do not love."
"Now who is the one lying? I have seen the way you stare out into the woods at night; searching for my form. If you are not in love with me already, then you soon will be," he insisted and this time it was my turn to sigh heavily.
"You have learned nothing in the few years since your last visit, have you? I want you to leave my house and not come back. Not until you actually learn to treat people like living, breathing creatures with feelings. I do not want to see you around here," I told him sternly, sounding just like I did when I spoke to Inuyasha when he had done something wrong.
Without waiting for him to answer or to see if he would listen, I made my way outside into the cold morning air; ignoring the snowflakes as the began landing on the tip of my nose.
...
With the fresh snow fall from the night before, it was not hard to make out the tracks leading away from our hut. I was happy to notice that Inuyasha's tracks where from his shoes; I had not thought to look for them inside to know if he was wearing them. Following behind them were smaller toe prints and I made a mental note to get Jaken a pair of shoes.
I did not know if he actually needed them, but I thought it would be best to have them just in case. I followed the tracks as far as they went and felt my heart stop for a moment when I heard a splash. Faster than I can ever remember running before, I made a beeline for the clearing I knew the mostly frozen lake rested in.
Once I had a clean line of sight to the water, I stopped in my tracks; unable to believe what I was seeing for a moment. Both Inuyasha and Jaken were standing chest high out in the water, which was roughly the same height for both of them, and the older was teaching the younger how to fish.
Though I dreaded the thought that he might get sick from the cold, I forced myself to stay where I was and not interrupt them. I reminded myself that, even though he was still so little, he was a half-demon and he could handle far more than I tended to give him credit for. When that was not enough and I felt my legs starting toward him, I thought of the future Inuyasha.
More than anything, I did not was him to turn out his the older one had; never trusting anyone and always being so reckless. All because no one had ever believed he could accomplish anything simply because he was half and half. Forcing myself to remain still, I silently watched for a few minutes.
Not all that surprisingly, I felt tears coming on when he managed to catch his first fish and he excitedly showed it to Jaken. Much to my annoyance, though not surprise, Jaken response to him was that there was no reason to be so happy over something as simple as catching a fish. Then without even looking at the fish, he took it and told him to catch more for dinner.
Now that he knew what he was doing, it did not take Inuyasha long to gather enough for the three of us and it dawned on me that they would probably be heading back soon. Not wanting him to get back before me and realize I was looking for him, figuring he was wanting me to give him some space and have confidence in his ability, I began rushing home.
I managed to sit down at the table, now sans Sesshoumaru, seconds before the door crashed opened and the two of them came in snow. Fortunately, Inuyasha did not seem to notice there was snow already there before he added more to it. "Kagome! Look what I caught!" Inuyasha shouted as he rushed toward me with his arms full of fish.
"You caught all of that by yourself? I am so proud of you!" I told him honestly, though I did put more emphasis than was necessary for Jaken's benefit. Ignoring the fish between us, I pulled him close for a hug. "You did such a great job catching all of those fish; how would you like to learn how to cook them tonight?"
I had always refused to let him near the fireplace, afraid he would get burned, but I knew I needed to let him experience life and that would never happen if I was too afraid to let him even try. Once he had nodded his head enthusiastically, I instructed, "Go out the fish on the table and change into some dry clothes. You too, Jaken."
I decided it would be better to not bring attention to his belongings that he had stuffed into one of his shirts and tied on his back so he could carry it around as a makeshift backpack. Apparently waiting until Inuyasha was too busy getting dressed to pay attention to us, Jaken inquired, "Why did you react so greatly to something as simple as catching a few fish?"
"Let me give you some good advice that will help you later on in life. Children are more likely to repeat an action you want them to if you react to it positively. They are less likely to repeat it if you react negatively to it. Since being able to fish is something we want him to be able to do, we have to react positively.
"It may seem silly to you because you already knew how to catch a fish and can probably do it without even thinking, but try to remember a time when you had to learn something for the first time. When you work hard to accomplish something, would you rather have the people you love not care or would rather they be proud of your accomplishment?"
Before he could answer, though the far away look in his eyes that told me he was thinking also let me know that he was not about to anytime soon, Inuyasha made his way back over to us; showing me his clean hands that he had apparently washed after he finished dressing.
...
Later that night, when I had made my way over to the futon to make sure Inuyasha had gotten ready and gone to bed, he asked me a question I should have been expecting and yet it caught me completely surprised. "Why was the big demon here again?"
For a moment I had been confused and glanced around only to confirm my initial suspension; there was no one there. "Who are you talking about, little one?" I questioned once I had turned my full attention back to him.
"The demon like me that wants my daddy's sword," he explained without a hint of fear or dislike in his tone. As if he was not referring to a demon who had already abandoned him, tried to kill him and that coveted his inheritance.
"How do you know he has visited?" I wondered certain they had not crossed paths earlier and that there was no sign of his visit in our home. Honestly though, I should have been expecting his answer.
"I can smell him in the hut," he explained as though it should have been completely obvious and, truthfully, it should have been. I had been around Inuyasha enough, both older and younger selves, to know how much he relied on his nose and just how powerful it was. "Why was he here?"
"He stopped by to ask me a question, that was all," I told him truthfully, already thinking up ways to explain it without actually telling him what he had asked in case his curiosity was not satisfied. At least on that point, he was.
"Is he really my brother?" he inquired softly and for a moment, I could not bear the thought of answering him truthfully and opted to remain silently; worrying my bottom lip. Knowing his patience would not outlast my silence, I sat down on the futon beside him and began running my fingers through his hair once he had laid his head down on my lap.
"He is your half-brother. You two have the same daddy, but a different mommy," I explained even as I wondered if he was old enough, either by demon or human standards, to really understand what that meant.
"If he is my brother, why didn't he come visit me?" Inuyasha asked and his soft, shy words nearly broke my heart. I never really understood just how much Inuyasha craved his brother's love and attention since the older one was so adapt at hiding his pain. The younger one, on the other hand, could not help but show it on his face and in his voice.
Sighing, I leaned my head back against the wall before answering, "Honestly Inuyasha, I really can not answer that question. There were many reasons behind your brother's actions and no reason at all for them." Unsurprisingly, Inuyasha rolled over to look at me with a confused expression.
After thinking about it for a moment, I questioned, "You know how the people back at your mother's village did not like you because you have demonic blood?" Once he had the chance to nod, I continued, "Your brother is the same way, but because of your human blood. He was taught for a very long time that humans were weak and so to have human blood would automatically make you weak in his eyes."
For a long moment, Inuyasha did not speak and had I not been able to see his open eyes, I would have thought he had fallen asleep. When he finally spoke again, I did not need demonic hearing to pick up thesis depressive tone. "But he's my brother," he insisted and only because I knew him so well, I could tell he wanted to cry.
Cupping both of his cheeks in my hands to make sure he was looking directly at me and giving me his full attention, I gently kissed him on the forehead before assuring him, "Sesshoumaru is a very intelligent demon. And one day I am sure he will see the error of his thinking."
"And if he doesn't?"
"Then you will still always have been. Even if you never know your brother's love, I promise you that I have enough love for both of us. And it is all for you."
Author: Hairann
Prompt: Winter
Genre: Friendship, Angst, Comfort
AU/CU: CU/Divergence
Rating: T
Warnings: Set in past tense, use of BS and talk of sex; nothing explicit
Word Count: 2972
Summary: A few years later, Sesshoumaru shows up for an unwanted visit and Inuyasha runs away.
Full story summary: Sometimes in order to correct the mistakes of the past, you have to start over from the beginning. Sometimes in order to achieve what you wish for most in the world, you have to be willing to give up everything else. Join Kagome as her wish throws her further back in time, to the moment she is needed the most.
Part 8 of Rewriting History. And as you may have noticed, I am out of colors for the challenge, so for the next four parts it's going to be the Seasons challenge.
I should have known that morning, when I woke up and felt the bitter chill of the floor on my feet, that it was not going to be a good day. There was something almost ominous in the freezing air that morning, but I had brushed it off as merely remnants of some forgotten dream.
The day went on with one problem after another. From breakfast ending up on the floor when I turned around to put it on the table only to end up tripping over one of Inuyasha's toys. To the logs in the fire refusing to catch. Even the weather seemed against me that day as heavy winds and many inches of snow continued to thunder against our tiny home.
It was not long before I had realized that I was not the only one feeling cooped up inside as both Jaken and Inuyasha seemed restless and wanting to go outside. While that meant the former was merely more grumpy then usual; glaring at the door as if that was enough to change the weather, the latter was a different story all together.
That day he reminded me so much of his older self when we first started traveling together. Gruff, always in a bad mood, complaining about every little thing that didn't go his way and practically barking at anyone who even looked at him. No matter what I tried to do to make the day a bit more fun for him, I only seemed to make matters worse.
When their afternoon nap time came around, I had never been more grateful for the silence; even of it was only for a few hours. But even that was short lived as he seemed to be even grumpier when he awoke than when he had gone to bed. By supper time it had gotten much worst; to the point I had actually raised my voice at him.
I can not even remember what had started that particular argument but by the end of it we were arguing about whether he was old enough or not to go hunting by himself. I of course thought he was still too young and he thought I was too overprotective. When he had stormed off to his play corner and ignored me for the rest of the night, I thought that was the end of it.
That he would forget all about the fight by morning like he usually did, but I could not have been more wrong. It was not until I awoke the next morning and noticed he was missing that I realized that fight was not at all like the few others we have had; and it was far from over.
Praying he was just outside playing, even as I got dressed to go look for him, I soon found my worst fear coming true; all of his toys were gone. He had run away from home, away from me. Throwing on my shoes and jacket, relieved to find he had taken his own, I rushed toward the door only to find my exit blocked.
Skidding to a stop to avoided running into him, I glared up at Sesshoumaru; not in the mood to deal with him right then on top of everything else that was going on. I waited a moment for him to move out of the way, but soon realized he had no intention of doing so. "I can not visit with you right now, Sesshoumaru, I have to go look for Inuyasha," I informed him before trying to push my way through the door, but he refused to give way for me to pass.
"You need not worry about the half-breed. Jaken is following him," he assured me before making his way completely inside my home. For nearly a full minute, I stood there, torn between going after Inuyasha anyways and giving him the space he obviously wanted. I knew he would be fine with Jaken looking after him, he had proved his ability to protect him in the years he had been with us, but at the same time, I still felt as though it was my job to go hold his hand.
"Come back inside toward the fire. You will catch a cold standing near the open door like that," Sesshoumaru insisted and for a moment I thought about defying him just to annoy him, but as the cold wind began to bite at my skin, I decided it was not worth it. Closing the door, I made my way over to the fireplace and began preparing tea for the both of us.
"Why are you here, Sesshoumaru?" I demanded once the tea was ready and set his in front of him, not caring that I was being rude. He did not deserve politeness and respect from me anyways.
"The elders of my clan have given me an ultimatum. They feel it is improper for an unmated demon lord wandering about the countryside all the time; barely ever going home. They have decreed that if I wish to continue, I must at least produce an heir," Sesshoumaru explained and for a moment I just stared at him, waiting for him to continue since he had yet to actually answer my question.
Realizing he was done speaking, I decided to ask him again; a bit more forcefully this time. "Why are you here, Sesshoumaru? Obviously you did not come to ask me to have your child." I did not need to come from the future to know that was something that would never happen.
"No, they would not accept a half-demon heir even if I did. A perspective bitch has been decided on, but I do not wish for my first time interacting with someone in such a way to be with a demon I do not know; let alone care for," Sesshoumaru informed me, as though I was some gullible child that did not know any better.
"Drop the bullshit Sesshoumaru. Lying is beneath you. Why are you here?" I demanded for the third time; really starting to get annoyed with his completely obvious attempts to lie to me. I did not know which was worst; the thought that he believed me stupid enough to believe him or that he had such little respect for me that he would actually lie to my face like that. Repeatedly.
After heaving a heavy sigh, Sesshoumaru opened his mouth and told me something I could actually believe. "I can not look incompetent; especially in this. She is known as a gossip and I will not rut with her without knowing what I am doing," Sesshoumaru insisted and for a moment, I thought about telling him that he did not actually have an heir in the future.
But I quickly decided that after everything, and now lying to me, he did not deserve a heads up about what ever hassle he was about to go through for nothing. "So, you came here to what? Practice with me?" I inquired, fighting the very strong urge to strangle him when he nodded. "I already told you, Sesshoumaru. I am not losing my virginity to someone I do not love."
"Now who is the one lying? I have seen the way you stare out into the woods at night; searching for my form. If you are not in love with me already, then you soon will be," he insisted and this time it was my turn to sigh heavily.
"You have learned nothing in the few years since your last visit, have you? I want you to leave my house and not come back. Not until you actually learn to treat people like living, breathing creatures with feelings. I do not want to see you around here," I told him sternly, sounding just like I did when I spoke to Inuyasha when he had done something wrong.
Without waiting for him to answer or to see if he would listen, I made my way outside into the cold morning air; ignoring the snowflakes as the began landing on the tip of my nose.
...
With the fresh snow fall from the night before, it was not hard to make out the tracks leading away from our hut. I was happy to notice that Inuyasha's tracks where from his shoes; I had not thought to look for them inside to know if he was wearing them. Following behind them were smaller toe prints and I made a mental note to get Jaken a pair of shoes.
I did not know if he actually needed them, but I thought it would be best to have them just in case. I followed the tracks as far as they went and felt my heart stop for a moment when I heard a splash. Faster than I can ever remember running before, I made a beeline for the clearing I knew the mostly frozen lake rested in.
Once I had a clean line of sight to the water, I stopped in my tracks; unable to believe what I was seeing for a moment. Both Inuyasha and Jaken were standing chest high out in the water, which was roughly the same height for both of them, and the older was teaching the younger how to fish.
Though I dreaded the thought that he might get sick from the cold, I forced myself to stay where I was and not interrupt them. I reminded myself that, even though he was still so little, he was a half-demon and he could handle far more than I tended to give him credit for. When that was not enough and I felt my legs starting toward him, I thought of the future Inuyasha.
More than anything, I did not was him to turn out his the older one had; never trusting anyone and always being so reckless. All because no one had ever believed he could accomplish anything simply because he was half and half. Forcing myself to remain still, I silently watched for a few minutes.
Not all that surprisingly, I felt tears coming on when he managed to catch his first fish and he excitedly showed it to Jaken. Much to my annoyance, though not surprise, Jaken response to him was that there was no reason to be so happy over something as simple as catching a fish. Then without even looking at the fish, he took it and told him to catch more for dinner.
Now that he knew what he was doing, it did not take Inuyasha long to gather enough for the three of us and it dawned on me that they would probably be heading back soon. Not wanting him to get back before me and realize I was looking for him, figuring he was wanting me to give him some space and have confidence in his ability, I began rushing home.
I managed to sit down at the table, now sans Sesshoumaru, seconds before the door crashed opened and the two of them came in snow. Fortunately, Inuyasha did not seem to notice there was snow already there before he added more to it. "Kagome! Look what I caught!" Inuyasha shouted as he rushed toward me with his arms full of fish.
"You caught all of that by yourself? I am so proud of you!" I told him honestly, though I did put more emphasis than was necessary for Jaken's benefit. Ignoring the fish between us, I pulled him close for a hug. "You did such a great job catching all of those fish; how would you like to learn how to cook them tonight?"
I had always refused to let him near the fireplace, afraid he would get burned, but I knew I needed to let him experience life and that would never happen if I was too afraid to let him even try. Once he had nodded his head enthusiastically, I instructed, "Go out the fish on the table and change into some dry clothes. You too, Jaken."
I decided it would be better to not bring attention to his belongings that he had stuffed into one of his shirts and tied on his back so he could carry it around as a makeshift backpack. Apparently waiting until Inuyasha was too busy getting dressed to pay attention to us, Jaken inquired, "Why did you react so greatly to something as simple as catching a few fish?"
"Let me give you some good advice that will help you later on in life. Children are more likely to repeat an action you want them to if you react to it positively. They are less likely to repeat it if you react negatively to it. Since being able to fish is something we want him to be able to do, we have to react positively.
"It may seem silly to you because you already knew how to catch a fish and can probably do it without even thinking, but try to remember a time when you had to learn something for the first time. When you work hard to accomplish something, would you rather have the people you love not care or would rather they be proud of your accomplishment?"
Before he could answer, though the far away look in his eyes that told me he was thinking also let me know that he was not about to anytime soon, Inuyasha made his way back over to us; showing me his clean hands that he had apparently washed after he finished dressing.
...
Later that night, when I had made my way over to the futon to make sure Inuyasha had gotten ready and gone to bed, he asked me a question I should have been expecting and yet it caught me completely surprised. "Why was the big demon here again?"
For a moment I had been confused and glanced around only to confirm my initial suspension; there was no one there. "Who are you talking about, little one?" I questioned once I had turned my full attention back to him.
"The demon like me that wants my daddy's sword," he explained without a hint of fear or dislike in his tone. As if he was not referring to a demon who had already abandoned him, tried to kill him and that coveted his inheritance.
"How do you know he has visited?" I wondered certain they had not crossed paths earlier and that there was no sign of his visit in our home. Honestly though, I should have been expecting his answer.
"I can smell him in the hut," he explained as though it should have been completely obvious and, truthfully, it should have been. I had been around Inuyasha enough, both older and younger selves, to know how much he relied on his nose and just how powerful it was. "Why was he here?"
"He stopped by to ask me a question, that was all," I told him truthfully, already thinking up ways to explain it without actually telling him what he had asked in case his curiosity was not satisfied. At least on that point, he was.
"Is he really my brother?" he inquired softly and for a moment, I could not bear the thought of answering him truthfully and opted to remain silently; worrying my bottom lip. Knowing his patience would not outlast my silence, I sat down on the futon beside him and began running my fingers through his hair once he had laid his head down on my lap.
"He is your half-brother. You two have the same daddy, but a different mommy," I explained even as I wondered if he was old enough, either by demon or human standards, to really understand what that meant.
"If he is my brother, why didn't he come visit me?" Inuyasha asked and his soft, shy words nearly broke my heart. I never really understood just how much Inuyasha craved his brother's love and attention since the older one was so adapt at hiding his pain. The younger one, on the other hand, could not help but show it on his face and in his voice.
Sighing, I leaned my head back against the wall before answering, "Honestly Inuyasha, I really can not answer that question. There were many reasons behind your brother's actions and no reason at all for them." Unsurprisingly, Inuyasha rolled over to look at me with a confused expression.
After thinking about it for a moment, I questioned, "You know how the people back at your mother's village did not like you because you have demonic blood?" Once he had the chance to nod, I continued, "Your brother is the same way, but because of your human blood. He was taught for a very long time that humans were weak and so to have human blood would automatically make you weak in his eyes."
For a long moment, Inuyasha did not speak and had I not been able to see his open eyes, I would have thought he had fallen asleep. When he finally spoke again, I did not need demonic hearing to pick up thesis depressive tone. "But he's my brother," he insisted and only because I knew him so well, I could tell he wanted to cry.
Cupping both of his cheeks in my hands to make sure he was looking directly at me and giving me his full attention, I gently kissed him on the forehead before assuring him, "Sesshoumaru is a very intelligent demon. And one day I am sure he will see the error of his thinking."
"And if he doesn't?"
"Then you will still always have been. Even if you never know your brother's love, I promise you that I have enough love for both of us. And it is all for you."