It's you 15/19
Title: It's You
Pairings: JaeChun, Jaejoong/Seon Woong (Epik High's Tablo), HoSu
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Yoochun loves Jaejoong. Jaejoong loves Seon Woong. Seon Woong is not who he pretends to be. Yoochun is Jaejoong's brother.
Warnings: Incest, Drugs, Violence, (attempted) Rape. Angst.
For dexterka92, who also made the poster ♥
15. I have to tell you
Yoochun stared at Jaejoong.
“I’m sorry”, Jaejoong whispered.
What was he apologising for? And looking so sad...
If anyone should apologise it was Yoochun.
Just now, when he woke up in Jaejoong’s arms, he’d barely refrained from kissing him. It had been so hard, Jaejoong’s lips had been so close.
What would Jaejoong have thought of him?
Even when he’d managed to hold himself back, he’d been afraid that his shocked face and shaking voice would give away his thoughts.
But Jaejoong had been so nice to him. From the bed he could make out the delicious smell of the breakfast that was standing on his desk, for him. It would taste so good.
Jaejoong didn’t have anything to apologise for.
“Jae?”
Jaejoong averted his eyes. “I-I mean, about Seon Woong and... I shouldn’t have trusted him and...”
“Are you still feeling guilty about that?!” Yoochun pushed up to his elbows and gave Jaejoong a look.
“It’s not your fault.”
Jaejoong finally looked at him again, with big beautiful eyes that still took Yoochun’s breath away every time.
“I should have paid closer attention to what was happening to you”, Yoochun said.
“Me too...”, Jaejoong said softly, and before Yoochun could protest he added: “and I should have paid closer attention to you too, why didn’t I notice that you weren’t eating?”
Yoochun sighed. “It’s okay.”
It was silent for a while. Yoochun saw Jaejoong shake his head, but he pretended not to notice.
“Let’s just look after each other better from now on”, he said.
Jaejoong smiled and nodded.
“And promise me we’ll always stay together, whatever happens.” He’d almost said ‘I love you’, but that would have sounded weird.. right?
“I promise”, Jaejoong said immediately, but he bit his lip and looked down afterwards. What was he worried about? Yoochun couldn’t think of one secret Jaejoong could have that would drive him away.
“I promise too”, he said to reassure him. Jaejoong’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. He was definitely worried about something.
Yoochun was worried too. He’d said ‘whatever happens’, but he was convinced that Jaejoong wouldn’t consider him confessing those feelings he had as a possibility.
The doorbell rang and Jaejoong shot up.
Instead of answering the door immediately he picked up the tray of food and carried it to Yoochun.
“Do you still feel like eating?”
Yoochun nodded and froze when Jaejoong reached out and tentatively felt his forehead. The doorbell rang again.
“M-maybe you should let them in.”
Jaejoong pulled his hand back. “Okay, but only because your fever has gone down.”
Jaejoong got his own pillow and put it behind Yoochun’s back so he could sit up straighter without getting tired.
Yunho and Junsu each got a chair next to the bed.
While Yunho asked how Jaejoong felt and reprimanded Yoochun for not taking care of himself, Yoochun noticed that Junsu followed him around like a puppy. Even now, when they were all in one room, he stayed as close as possible, his chair against Yunho’s.
“I see you and Junsu together a lot lately”, he said, smiling.
Yunho gave him a small smile back and Jaejoong sat down on the edge of Yoochun’s bed, crossing his arms and looking not all too friendly.
Yoochun shot him a questioning and it was ignored, maybe Jaejoong still thought that he should rest more. The thought of Jae worrying about him made his heart swell.
“I was wondering how you two were doing after... what’s happened, and without your parents. And I was worried you still weren’t eating healthy,” Yunho looked at the tray of food on Yoochun’s night stand, “but I see that-”
“I can cook. And I can look after my brother just fine, thank you.” Jaejoong said curtly. Both Yoochun and Yunho gave him a surprised look, Junsu had trouble tearing his eyes of Yunho before he looked over as well, Yoochun noticed from the corners of his eyes.
“That’s... good”, Yunho said, curiosity in his eyes. “And I’m glad you’re doing better too.”
Jaejoong just gave him a little nod.
“Junsu asked if he could come with me”, Yunho finished his explanation.
“You two look good together”, Jaejoong suddenly said.
Junsu blushed and stared at his hands, but he couldn’t hide his smile completely, Yoochun almost chuckled at how cute it was. It was the look on Yunho’s face that caused him to frown though.
Yunho was frowning himself. Yoochun didn’t understand.
“Do you want something to drink?” he asked.
When he noticed that Yunho was about to wave it off he shot him a look that he hoped showed that he wanted to talk to him alone.
“That.. would be nice”, Yunho said, giving him a questioning look back.
Jaejoong got up, but hesitantly, hiding a sigh. Yoochun wondered what was wrong with him to act this unfriendly.
“Jae, um.. this soup tastes really good, do you have more?”
Jaejoong smiled at the compliment but then frowned. “I.. can make some more.”
“No, no, it’s okay.” Yoochun pulled a disappointed face.
“I’ll go make it”, Jaejoong said quickly, “you have to eat.”
Yoochun felt bad about lying, he’d only managed to take a few bites of food and maybe two spoonfuls of soup and he wasn’t even sure if he’d manage to down a second bowl after this. It did taste amazing though.
“Maybe you can help him”, Yunho said to Junsu. Yoochun was glad he’d caught on so quickly.
Junsu didn’t seem to like that idea. “B-but..”
For some reason, neither did Jaejoong. “I can manage, you can just stay here.” He said it with a smile, but it sounded like a command.
“Go”, Yunho said and he gave Junsu a small nudge. “We don’t want Jaejoong to be all alone in the kitchen, working for us while we’re chatting away.”
Jaejoong seemed to want to protest again but Yoochun gave him a look and he shut his mouth. Junsu looked at Yunho over his shoulder while he left the room.
“I see he doesn’t like to leave your side”, Yoochun said.
“He doesn’t.” Yunho didn’t sound happy. Yoochun really wanted to know what was wrong now, but apparently Yunho had something to ask him too.
“I’m glad that I get to talk to you alone”, he started.
“Why?” Yoochun asked.
“My parents are wondering how you are. They want you to come over again and really have dinner this time. I told them what happened to Jaejoong, I hope you don’t mind, and now they want him to come over too.”
“Um... don’t you think it’s time to tell them that I’m not really your boyfriend? Or if you don’t want to you can tell them that we broke up. You can even tell them I dumped you if that makes it less hard, but don’t make me sound too mean please.”
“Can’t we just pretend for a little longer? They like you.”
Yoochun sat up straight and stared a Yunho. “What?!”
Yunho stared at the floor. “You said you wouldn’t mind to-”
“What about Junsu? Yunho, what is this? I thought the problem of you not having a boyfriend would be solved by now, just invite your real one. I said I wouldn’t mind before Junsu. This is like.. like cheating on him.”
Yunho cringed at that. But he said: “we’re not together.”
Yoochun frowned at him. “Well maybe you should tell him that, because it sure looks like you are. Especially since I don’t believe that you’ve only had a crush on him since a few days, it probably just got stronger after your long talk. And he’s totally over you. You should realise that you would break his heart.”
“Then what am I supposed to do?!”, Yunho almost yelled. Yoochun was shocked, he’d never expected Yunho to lash out at him. What the hell was wrong?
“Yunho?”
Yunho was staring at him with wide desperate eyes.
“He keeps saying he feels safe with me and at first that made me happy, because yes, I like him, a lot. But what if that’s all?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if he’s only with me because I’ll protect him and make sure no one like Seon Woong will ever come close to him again? I don’t mean that I think he’s just using me. He’d never. But.. what if he starts something with me for the wrong reasons, not because he really likes me?”
Yoochun waited for Yunho’s rant to be over, he hadn’t thought about it like this.
“What if he finds himself in a long relationship with me one day and finally realises that? What if he wants out then but is afraid that I won’t let him go? Or he'll just feel really bad about it. It’ll hurt him, probably even more than it will when I reject him now and tell him to find someone he really loves to be happy with.”
Yunho looked immensely sad at this point, Yoochun could see that to him, rejecting Junsu would feel like ripping his own heart out.
Yunho took a deep breath. “So it’d be better for Su, but for me as well. It’d be so hard to be with him knowing that he doesn’t feel the same, and constantly fearing the moment he’ll realise.”
Yoochun knew he should say something, preferably ‘Junsu does really like you, what are you worried about, idiot’ or something along those lines, but was he sure about that? The way Junsu acted around Yunho did look like it could form the basis of a not very natural relationship. But he’d trusted Yunho to turn it into one, help Junsu get his confidence back.
The moment he opened his mouth the door bursts open to reveal a crying and generally very upset looking Junsu.
Yoochun’s first thought was that Jaejoong had been mean to him, he was still wondering what his strange behaviour earlier had been about. But Jaejoong liked Junsu, and he understood what he’d been through more than any of them, he would never hurt him.
“W-what are you doing here?” Yunho’s sounded shocked.
“Jaejoong sent me back.” Junsu’s voice was soft and shaking, but it suddenly got stronger.
“How can I show you that I really like you? How do I make you believe that I like you more than... than anything, more than you’ll ever like me?!” Tears streamed down his face and he shook his head.
“Is this my punishment for not telling you right away? I thought S-seon Woong was, but now you don’t even want me anymore and-”
Junsu’s voice stocked when Yunho shot up and pulled him against his chest in a crushing hug. “I want you, I really, really want you, don’t ever think that I don’t. And it’s impossible for you to like me more than I like you.”
“No it’s not”, Junsu sobbed. He weakly hit Yunho’s chest. “How am I supposed to prove that to you?”
“You-” Yunho suddenly froze. “Wait.” He pushed Junsu away from his chest a bit so he could look at him. “You said you thought Seon Woong was a punishment for.. what?”
“He’s liked you for over a year”, Jaejoong’s voice sounded from the door.
Yoochun had watched this whole scene with wide eyes. He now looked at Jaejoong and after a while they exchanged a smile. God, he wanted to tell Jaejoong how he felt about him too.
“Is that true?” Yunho asked softly.
Junsu nodded and started to wipe the tears off his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Y-yes.”
Yunho’s thumb replaced Junsu’s hand on his face. Junsu blushed and looked away.
“I... J-Junsu?” Yunho stuttered.
Junsu looked up at him.
“Can I kiss you?”
Yoochun knew that he and Jaejoong were completely forgotten by now.
Junsu kept staring at Yunho, sniffed once, tilted his head and closed his eyes. Yunho’s lips curled into a little adoring smile before he leant down and gently pressed them against Junsu’s full ones.
Yoochun looked away, but not just to give them some privacy. He was happy for them, he really was, but he couldn’t stop the small pang of jealousy. I wasn’t jealous of one of them, but of their relationship.
When the silence lasted he glanced back. The kiss didn’t deepen, but Junsu visibly melted against Yunho’s body.
They finally broke away with a start when Jaejoong coughed, Junsu immediately turned red.
“I still think you two look good together, but maybe you can move this to another room? I’d like to bring Yoochun his soup.”
They immediately stepped aside to let Jaejoong pass and even Yunho seemed to be blushing a bit now, he was smiling too.
“We.. um.. I think we should go, let Yoochun rest.”
Junsu nodded. Yunho took his hand and pulled him to the door. There he turned back and said: “I assume you two aren’t coming to school tomorrow?”
“I don’t think so”, Jaejoong said, looking at Yoochun.
“Okay, just let me know if you want to copy my notes.” Yunho gave them one last smile before he directed it to Junsu and they left together.
“Well that problem was solved quickly”, Yoochun said.
Jaejoong was still looking at him, he sat down on one of the chairs. “Or.. do you want me to go to school tomorrow? Don’t say I’m not fit enough, I feel fine.”
Yoochun had to think about that for a while. Yes, his first thought was that Jaejoong had only just left the hospital, and besides that, he really liked to have him by his side. But Jaejoong wouldn’t listen to the first argument and the second was selfish.
“You.. you are a bit behind, I think it would be good-”
“But I’d be worried about you all day.”
“I’ll probably be healthy enough to go to school myself tomorrow.”
“You are not going”, Jaejoong sounded strict. “But...”
“Do you or don't you want to go?”
“I... want to stay with you.”
Yoochun’s heart jumped at that sentence, but he tried to sound casual. “Then I’m not sending you away.”
Jaejoong pointed at the soup he’d brought. “It’s not exactly the same, because I ran out of ingredients... but I hope you like it.”
Yoochun felt bad about asking for it, Jaejoong spoiled him. He decided to eat all the food Jaejoong made, until he felt like bursting and beyond.
“What’s wrong?” Jaejoong suddenly asked, and Yoochun realised that he was frowning.
Yunho’s and Junsu’s confessions were flying through his head. If only he could...
How would Jaejoong react? What was the worst that could happen.
The only thing worse than being rejected was scaring Jaejoong. Yoochun wasn’t sure if he would survive if Jaejoong started to avoid him.
But they’d just promised each other that they’d always stay together, no matter what. Would Jaejoong keep that promise even in this situation?
Maybe Jaejoong would reject him, well, he probably would, but maybe Yoochun would be able to move on after that. Wouldn’t that, in a certain way, be a good thing?
And then there was this tiny, practically nonexistent chance that Jaejoong would be capable of feeling the same, maybe now, maybe one day when he’d gotten used to the idea - which had taken Yoochun approximately two years.
It was so small, and yet it had such a huge impact on his heart.
If...
“Chun?”
Yoochun decided that he had to tell him, he had to. He had to let it out, and he had to know.
“Jae.. can you.. come closer?”
Jaejoong moved from the chair to the edge of his bed again, Yoochun pushed himself up more. “I... I have to tell you something.”
Maybe asking him to come closer hadn’t been the best idea. If Jaejoong would be freaked out by this he’d probably jerk away from him, and that would hurt.
But seeing Jaejoong’s beautiful face up close made his resolve stronger, he needed that.
On occasions in the past, Jaejoong had thought the exact same things at the same moment.
If only that were happening now. That would make this so much easier.
He took a deep breath and looked into Jaejoong’s eyes.
He’d expected to find worry, curiosity, question. Not.. whatever it was that Jaejoong’s eyes showed.
He was distracted for one second, maybe two, but after those seconds the distance between them was suddenly gone.
It took more seconds, along with seeing Jaejoong’s face so close, feeling the warmth and softness of his lips and hearing his own heart speed up, for him to realise that Jaejoong was kissing him.
He had to.. he had to think.
But how do you stop trying to breathe when you’re drowning? The other way around, but just as impossible, how could he stop drowning and take a deep breath to clear his head with Jaejoong's lips pressed against his own?
When his mind slowly restarted he knew he had to close his eyes and kiss back, definitely kiss back and show how much he wanted this, but his lips were still frozen, his eyes open wide in shock.
Yoochun wondered how his heart was still beating.
Chapter 16: We're in this together
Chapter 14: I kissed you
Chapter 13: You're an idiot
Chapter 12: You'll be okay
Chapter 11: I don't want to yell at you
Chapter 10: I don't deserve you
Chapter 9 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 1
Pairings: JaeChun, Jaejoong/Seon Woong (Epik High's Tablo), HoSu
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Yoochun loves Jaejoong. Jaejoong loves Seon Woong. Seon Woong is not who he pretends to be. Yoochun is Jaejoong's brother.
Warnings: Incest, Drugs, Violence, (attempted) Rape. Angst.
For dexterka92, who also made the poster ♥
15. I have to tell you
Yoochun stared at Jaejoong.
“I’m sorry”, Jaejoong whispered.
What was he apologising for? And looking so sad...
If anyone should apologise it was Yoochun.
Just now, when he woke up in Jaejoong’s arms, he’d barely refrained from kissing him. It had been so hard, Jaejoong’s lips had been so close.
What would Jaejoong have thought of him?
Even when he’d managed to hold himself back, he’d been afraid that his shocked face and shaking voice would give away his thoughts.
But Jaejoong had been so nice to him. From the bed he could make out the delicious smell of the breakfast that was standing on his desk, for him. It would taste so good.
Jaejoong didn’t have anything to apologise for.
“Jae?”
Jaejoong averted his eyes. “I-I mean, about Seon Woong and... I shouldn’t have trusted him and...”
“Are you still feeling guilty about that?!” Yoochun pushed up to his elbows and gave Jaejoong a look.
“It’s not your fault.”
Jaejoong finally looked at him again, with big beautiful eyes that still took Yoochun’s breath away every time.
“I should have paid closer attention to what was happening to you”, Yoochun said.
“Me too...”, Jaejoong said softly, and before Yoochun could protest he added: “and I should have paid closer attention to you too, why didn’t I notice that you weren’t eating?”
Yoochun sighed. “It’s okay.”
It was silent for a while. Yoochun saw Jaejoong shake his head, but he pretended not to notice.
“Let’s just look after each other better from now on”, he said.
Jaejoong smiled and nodded.
“And promise me we’ll always stay together, whatever happens.” He’d almost said ‘I love you’, but that would have sounded weird.. right?
“I promise”, Jaejoong said immediately, but he bit his lip and looked down afterwards. What was he worried about? Yoochun couldn’t think of one secret Jaejoong could have that would drive him away.
“I promise too”, he said to reassure him. Jaejoong’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. He was definitely worried about something.
Yoochun was worried too. He’d said ‘whatever happens’, but he was convinced that Jaejoong wouldn’t consider him confessing those feelings he had as a possibility.
The doorbell rang and Jaejoong shot up.
Instead of answering the door immediately he picked up the tray of food and carried it to Yoochun.
“Do you still feel like eating?”
Yoochun nodded and froze when Jaejoong reached out and tentatively felt his forehead. The doorbell rang again.
“M-maybe you should let them in.”
Jaejoong pulled his hand back. “Okay, but only because your fever has gone down.”
Jaejoong got his own pillow and put it behind Yoochun’s back so he could sit up straighter without getting tired.
Yunho and Junsu each got a chair next to the bed.
While Yunho asked how Jaejoong felt and reprimanded Yoochun for not taking care of himself, Yoochun noticed that Junsu followed him around like a puppy. Even now, when they were all in one room, he stayed as close as possible, his chair against Yunho’s.
“I see you and Junsu together a lot lately”, he said, smiling.
Yunho gave him a small smile back and Jaejoong sat down on the edge of Yoochun’s bed, crossing his arms and looking not all too friendly.
Yoochun shot him a questioning and it was ignored, maybe Jaejoong still thought that he should rest more. The thought of Jae worrying about him made his heart swell.
“I was wondering how you two were doing after... what’s happened, and without your parents. And I was worried you still weren’t eating healthy,” Yunho looked at the tray of food on Yoochun’s night stand, “but I see that-”
“I can cook. And I can look after my brother just fine, thank you.” Jaejoong said curtly. Both Yoochun and Yunho gave him a surprised look, Junsu had trouble tearing his eyes of Yunho before he looked over as well, Yoochun noticed from the corners of his eyes.
“That’s... good”, Yunho said, curiosity in his eyes. “And I’m glad you’re doing better too.”
Jaejoong just gave him a little nod.
“Junsu asked if he could come with me”, Yunho finished his explanation.
“You two look good together”, Jaejoong suddenly said.
Junsu blushed and stared at his hands, but he couldn’t hide his smile completely, Yoochun almost chuckled at how cute it was. It was the look on Yunho’s face that caused him to frown though.
Yunho was frowning himself. Yoochun didn’t understand.
“Do you want something to drink?” he asked.
When he noticed that Yunho was about to wave it off he shot him a look that he hoped showed that he wanted to talk to him alone.
“That.. would be nice”, Yunho said, giving him a questioning look back.
Jaejoong got up, but hesitantly, hiding a sigh. Yoochun wondered what was wrong with him to act this unfriendly.
“Jae, um.. this soup tastes really good, do you have more?”
Jaejoong smiled at the compliment but then frowned. “I.. can make some more.”
“No, no, it’s okay.” Yoochun pulled a disappointed face.
“I’ll go make it”, Jaejoong said quickly, “you have to eat.”
Yoochun felt bad about lying, he’d only managed to take a few bites of food and maybe two spoonfuls of soup and he wasn’t even sure if he’d manage to down a second bowl after this. It did taste amazing though.
“Maybe you can help him”, Yunho said to Junsu. Yoochun was glad he’d caught on so quickly.
Junsu didn’t seem to like that idea. “B-but..”
For some reason, neither did Jaejoong. “I can manage, you can just stay here.” He said it with a smile, but it sounded like a command.
“Go”, Yunho said and he gave Junsu a small nudge. “We don’t want Jaejoong to be all alone in the kitchen, working for us while we’re chatting away.”
Jaejoong seemed to want to protest again but Yoochun gave him a look and he shut his mouth. Junsu looked at Yunho over his shoulder while he left the room.
“I see he doesn’t like to leave your side”, Yoochun said.
“He doesn’t.” Yunho didn’t sound happy. Yoochun really wanted to know what was wrong now, but apparently Yunho had something to ask him too.
“I’m glad that I get to talk to you alone”, he started.
“Why?” Yoochun asked.
“My parents are wondering how you are. They want you to come over again and really have dinner this time. I told them what happened to Jaejoong, I hope you don’t mind, and now they want him to come over too.”
“Um... don’t you think it’s time to tell them that I’m not really your boyfriend? Or if you don’t want to you can tell them that we broke up. You can even tell them I dumped you if that makes it less hard, but don’t make me sound too mean please.”
“Can’t we just pretend for a little longer? They like you.”
Yoochun sat up straight and stared a Yunho. “What?!”
Yunho stared at the floor. “You said you wouldn’t mind to-”
“What about Junsu? Yunho, what is this? I thought the problem of you not having a boyfriend would be solved by now, just invite your real one. I said I wouldn’t mind before Junsu. This is like.. like cheating on him.”
Yunho cringed at that. But he said: “we’re not together.”
Yoochun frowned at him. “Well maybe you should tell him that, because it sure looks like you are. Especially since I don’t believe that you’ve only had a crush on him since a few days, it probably just got stronger after your long talk. And he’s totally over you. You should realise that you would break his heart.”
“Then what am I supposed to do?!”, Yunho almost yelled. Yoochun was shocked, he’d never expected Yunho to lash out at him. What the hell was wrong?
“Yunho?”
Yunho was staring at him with wide desperate eyes.
“He keeps saying he feels safe with me and at first that made me happy, because yes, I like him, a lot. But what if that’s all?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if he’s only with me because I’ll protect him and make sure no one like Seon Woong will ever come close to him again? I don’t mean that I think he’s just using me. He’d never. But.. what if he starts something with me for the wrong reasons, not because he really likes me?”
Yoochun waited for Yunho’s rant to be over, he hadn’t thought about it like this.
“What if he finds himself in a long relationship with me one day and finally realises that? What if he wants out then but is afraid that I won’t let him go? Or he'll just feel really bad about it. It’ll hurt him, probably even more than it will when I reject him now and tell him to find someone he really loves to be happy with.”
Yunho looked immensely sad at this point, Yoochun could see that to him, rejecting Junsu would feel like ripping his own heart out.
Yunho took a deep breath. “So it’d be better for Su, but for me as well. It’d be so hard to be with him knowing that he doesn’t feel the same, and constantly fearing the moment he’ll realise.”
Yoochun knew he should say something, preferably ‘Junsu does really like you, what are you worried about, idiot’ or something along those lines, but was he sure about that? The way Junsu acted around Yunho did look like it could form the basis of a not very natural relationship. But he’d trusted Yunho to turn it into one, help Junsu get his confidence back.
The moment he opened his mouth the door bursts open to reveal a crying and generally very upset looking Junsu.
Yoochun’s first thought was that Jaejoong had been mean to him, he was still wondering what his strange behaviour earlier had been about. But Jaejoong liked Junsu, and he understood what he’d been through more than any of them, he would never hurt him.
“W-what are you doing here?” Yunho’s sounded shocked.
“Jaejoong sent me back.” Junsu’s voice was soft and shaking, but it suddenly got stronger.
“How can I show you that I really like you? How do I make you believe that I like you more than... than anything, more than you’ll ever like me?!” Tears streamed down his face and he shook his head.
“Is this my punishment for not telling you right away? I thought S-seon Woong was, but now you don’t even want me anymore and-”
Junsu’s voice stocked when Yunho shot up and pulled him against his chest in a crushing hug. “I want you, I really, really want you, don’t ever think that I don’t. And it’s impossible for you to like me more than I like you.”
“No it’s not”, Junsu sobbed. He weakly hit Yunho’s chest. “How am I supposed to prove that to you?”
“You-” Yunho suddenly froze. “Wait.” He pushed Junsu away from his chest a bit so he could look at him. “You said you thought Seon Woong was a punishment for.. what?”
“He’s liked you for over a year”, Jaejoong’s voice sounded from the door.
Yoochun had watched this whole scene with wide eyes. He now looked at Jaejoong and after a while they exchanged a smile. God, he wanted to tell Jaejoong how he felt about him too.
“Is that true?” Yunho asked softly.
Junsu nodded and started to wipe the tears off his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Y-yes.”
Yunho’s thumb replaced Junsu’s hand on his face. Junsu blushed and looked away.
“I... J-Junsu?” Yunho stuttered.
Junsu looked up at him.
“Can I kiss you?”
Yoochun knew that he and Jaejoong were completely forgotten by now.
Junsu kept staring at Yunho, sniffed once, tilted his head and closed his eyes. Yunho’s lips curled into a little adoring smile before he leant down and gently pressed them against Junsu’s full ones.
Yoochun looked away, but not just to give them some privacy. He was happy for them, he really was, but he couldn’t stop the small pang of jealousy. I wasn’t jealous of one of them, but of their relationship.
When the silence lasted he glanced back. The kiss didn’t deepen, but Junsu visibly melted against Yunho’s body.
They finally broke away with a start when Jaejoong coughed, Junsu immediately turned red.
“I still think you two look good together, but maybe you can move this to another room? I’d like to bring Yoochun his soup.”
They immediately stepped aside to let Jaejoong pass and even Yunho seemed to be blushing a bit now, he was smiling too.
“We.. um.. I think we should go, let Yoochun rest.”
Junsu nodded. Yunho took his hand and pulled him to the door. There he turned back and said: “I assume you two aren’t coming to school tomorrow?”
“I don’t think so”, Jaejoong said, looking at Yoochun.
“Okay, just let me know if you want to copy my notes.” Yunho gave them one last smile before he directed it to Junsu and they left together.
“Well that problem was solved quickly”, Yoochun said.
Jaejoong was still looking at him, he sat down on one of the chairs. “Or.. do you want me to go to school tomorrow? Don’t say I’m not fit enough, I feel fine.”
Yoochun had to think about that for a while. Yes, his first thought was that Jaejoong had only just left the hospital, and besides that, he really liked to have him by his side. But Jaejoong wouldn’t listen to the first argument and the second was selfish.
“You.. you are a bit behind, I think it would be good-”
“But I’d be worried about you all day.”
“I’ll probably be healthy enough to go to school myself tomorrow.”
“You are not going”, Jaejoong sounded strict. “But...”
“Do you or don't you want to go?”
“I... want to stay with you.”
Yoochun’s heart jumped at that sentence, but he tried to sound casual. “Then I’m not sending you away.”
Jaejoong pointed at the soup he’d brought. “It’s not exactly the same, because I ran out of ingredients... but I hope you like it.”
Yoochun felt bad about asking for it, Jaejoong spoiled him. He decided to eat all the food Jaejoong made, until he felt like bursting and beyond.
“What’s wrong?” Jaejoong suddenly asked, and Yoochun realised that he was frowning.
Yunho’s and Junsu’s confessions were flying through his head. If only he could...
How would Jaejoong react? What was the worst that could happen.
The only thing worse than being rejected was scaring Jaejoong. Yoochun wasn’t sure if he would survive if Jaejoong started to avoid him.
But they’d just promised each other that they’d always stay together, no matter what. Would Jaejoong keep that promise even in this situation?
Maybe Jaejoong would reject him, well, he probably would, but maybe Yoochun would be able to move on after that. Wouldn’t that, in a certain way, be a good thing?
And then there was this tiny, practically nonexistent chance that Jaejoong would be capable of feeling the same, maybe now, maybe one day when he’d gotten used to the idea - which had taken Yoochun approximately two years.
It was so small, and yet it had such a huge impact on his heart.
If...
“Chun?”
Yoochun decided that he had to tell him, he had to. He had to let it out, and he had to know.
“Jae.. can you.. come closer?”
Jaejoong moved from the chair to the edge of his bed again, Yoochun pushed himself up more. “I... I have to tell you something.”
Maybe asking him to come closer hadn’t been the best idea. If Jaejoong would be freaked out by this he’d probably jerk away from him, and that would hurt.
But seeing Jaejoong’s beautiful face up close made his resolve stronger, he needed that.
On occasions in the past, Jaejoong had thought the exact same things at the same moment.
If only that were happening now. That would make this so much easier.
He took a deep breath and looked into Jaejoong’s eyes.
He’d expected to find worry, curiosity, question. Not.. whatever it was that Jaejoong’s eyes showed.
He was distracted for one second, maybe two, but after those seconds the distance between them was suddenly gone.
It took more seconds, along with seeing Jaejoong’s face so close, feeling the warmth and softness of his lips and hearing his own heart speed up, for him to realise that Jaejoong was kissing him.
He had to.. he had to think.
But how do you stop trying to breathe when you’re drowning? The other way around, but just as impossible, how could he stop drowning and take a deep breath to clear his head with Jaejoong's lips pressed against his own?
When his mind slowly restarted he knew he had to close his eyes and kiss back, definitely kiss back and show how much he wanted this, but his lips were still frozen, his eyes open wide in shock.
Yoochun wondered how his heart was still beating.
Chapter 16: We're in this together
Chapter 14: I kissed you
Chapter 13: You're an idiot
Chapter 12: You'll be okay
Chapter 11: I don't want to yell at you
Chapter 10: I don't deserve you
Chapter 9 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 1