my dad.
I am so unbelievably stressed right now. It shouldn't be a huge matter to tell my father i'm moving but it is for me. >_< I love my father hes tried his hardest in most ways but hes got serious issues. He's a hypochondriac, with majorrrrrr paranoia issues, and a splash of 'never-grew-up'. So telling a man who really believes in 2012 and that nyc will be destroyed and even when i marry will call every day and flips out if one day has gone by that i don't answer and who desperately needs to be right and always in control when he really has no actual control of it....that your moving to nyc really sucks. The only out comes of me telling him that i can think of are a)he drops dead of a self induced stroke/heart attack; b)he puts himself in a panic attack and we wind up in the hospital tonight; c)he cusses me out and tells me to leave and then continuously calls me crying and apologizing since i'm sure what he would say would be incredibly hurtful; d)when hell freezes over he is ok with the whole thing but has pawned my car again which i need to sell for moving expenses; or e)does most of the above plus refuses to switch my title over thinking it will keep me here....it won't and he wont find that car again. ugh
parents should back their children. my parents dont really even know anything about me when I think about it. its really pretty sad. what I do tell them generally goes in one ear and out the other and they start talking about their own problems/ideas. Its even more sad that I've had the same dream since I was in middle school yet they still don't really know it nor believe I can achieve it. I love them and I feel they love me...most of the time at least, but they've both always been quicker to judge and punish than to congratulate or praise. i told when I was younger it was different, that they wore my macaroni jewelry proudly and bragged about my abilities but I really have no memory of it. I remember my dad being an ass and thinking it was funny to tell some random stranger that 'his daughter could beat your honor students ass' which during a point in my life that all i did was martial arts made me become shy about it. I remember my mom telling me to show my aunt judy my artwork since she was an artist. All aunt Judy cared about was that I had learned a bit of french since she was dating a french guy, yet she seemed so disappointed in both my art and how much french I had learned. Apparently my art was not mainstream nor classic enough and at age 15 I should be fluent in a language that I just began studying....I really just dont understand my family. I wish I had a close one like my friends or i've seen on tv, I would probably be much less of an introvert. I hope to one day be an amazing mom with an amazing family. and Its really sad thinking about how I probably won't leave my kids alone with my own parents just because of the things theyve said around me, I really don't want them to say it around my own children. My parents aren't bad people they just never got over them selves. most people tend not to. I firmly believe that to really love another you've got to love yourself first. You've got to accomplish your own dreams so that nothing holds you back from loving your spouse and children. my parents never did that so they constantly had remarks to make over 'this held me back' 'you held me back' 'i never got to do this' and the whole time trying to be 'parently' and push me in a certain direction(college, etc.) with out having any idea what I wanted from life just wanting to see me complete something they didn't. That shouldn't be the way it works. They should support my dreams and help me through them unless i'm doing something dangerous to myself. ughh which even that is a thin line since 'everything is dangerous' god forbid my dad ever finds out that i went racing around town on the back of crotch rocket at 90+ mph and even popped a wheelie hes fucking scared of mopeds!!! he wrecked one and got all banged up >_< ughhhhh
Well i guess i got some of my anger out and thoughts together guess its time to go tell him before I chicken out.
btw my ex paul is one amazing man, besides our deff problems together he has always been there and I really do treasure him as a friend to this day. <3
-jess
parents should back their children. my parents dont really even know anything about me when I think about it. its really pretty sad. what I do tell them generally goes in one ear and out the other and they start talking about their own problems/ideas. Its even more sad that I've had the same dream since I was in middle school yet they still don't really know it nor believe I can achieve it. I love them and I feel they love me...most of the time at least, but they've both always been quicker to judge and punish than to congratulate or praise. i told when I was younger it was different, that they wore my macaroni jewelry proudly and bragged about my abilities but I really have no memory of it. I remember my dad being an ass and thinking it was funny to tell some random stranger that 'his daughter could beat your honor students ass' which during a point in my life that all i did was martial arts made me become shy about it. I remember my mom telling me to show my aunt judy my artwork since she was an artist. All aunt Judy cared about was that I had learned a bit of french since she was dating a french guy, yet she seemed so disappointed in both my art and how much french I had learned. Apparently my art was not mainstream nor classic enough and at age 15 I should be fluent in a language that I just began studying....I really just dont understand my family. I wish I had a close one like my friends or i've seen on tv, I would probably be much less of an introvert. I hope to one day be an amazing mom with an amazing family. and Its really sad thinking about how I probably won't leave my kids alone with my own parents just because of the things theyve said around me, I really don't want them to say it around my own children. My parents aren't bad people they just never got over them selves. most people tend not to. I firmly believe that to really love another you've got to love yourself first. You've got to accomplish your own dreams so that nothing holds you back from loving your spouse and children. my parents never did that so they constantly had remarks to make over 'this held me back' 'you held me back' 'i never got to do this' and the whole time trying to be 'parently' and push me in a certain direction(college, etc.) with out having any idea what I wanted from life just wanting to see me complete something they didn't. That shouldn't be the way it works. They should support my dreams and help me through them unless i'm doing something dangerous to myself. ughh which even that is a thin line since 'everything is dangerous' god forbid my dad ever finds out that i went racing around town on the back of crotch rocket at 90+ mph and even popped a wheelie hes fucking scared of mopeds!!! he wrecked one and got all banged up >_< ughhhhh
Well i guess i got some of my anger out and thoughts together guess its time to go tell him before I chicken out.
btw my ex paul is one amazing man, besides our deff problems together he has always been there and I really do treasure him as a friend to this day. <3
-jess