it's different now.
i feel like such an emo loser for even allowing this thought to make it outside my brain, but sometimes when a record starts i get a tightness in my chest and i can't move or speak because i'm paralyzed by a flood of memories. it always makes me want to cry uncontrollably.
maybe that's just the depression talking.
sorry, i don't mean to be such a bumout. i'm working a lot, so that's good. getting out of debt. waiting tables rules. getting ready for dudefest. not even thinking about next semester, actually. i should maybe do that though. i found out that because i moved here for school (well, actually just for derek but we're not married so it doesn't count) i automatically will never qualify for in state tuition! hey, that's great! thanks iu! get fucked! STUDENT LOANZ 4 LYFE.
uh, i did find something out that made me pee myself though. it's one of my birthday presents from derek, but i'm not supposed to know what it is, so if any of you talk to my boyfriend DO NOT FUCKING TELL HIM I KNOW. he doesn't know that i know. it was by accident, i swear. anyway. he's taking me to chicago for the weekend of september 8-10 for touch and go's 25th anniversary party. he's already reserved the hotel and bought the tickets. this is the lineup so far:
!!!
The Black Heart Procession
Calexico
CocoRosie
Didjits (all original members)
Enon
The Ex
Girls Against Boys (all original members)
Killdozer (all original members)
Ted Leo + Pharmacists
Man... Or Astroman? (all original members)
Negative Approach (featuring John Brannon and OP Moore)
The New Year
Pegboy
Pinback
Quasi
Scratch Acid (all original members)
Seam
Shellac
The Shipping News
Supersystem
Three Mile Pilot
Uzeda
23 of 25 confirmed bands. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. i'm finally going to see shellac and the black heart procession and pinback and the shipping news and weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! and we're going to go to the field museum and eat at pick me up and go record shopping and go to the aquarium and WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
that is all i'm really looking forward to these days. oh, and going to france. i've set a goal weight for france. i don't know if it's..possible. we'll see. speaking of that, a couple weeks ago i reached my lowest weight ever. i wasn't even trying. these pictures are kind of random and not from that week, but from the week after. i got a series of lectures from several people, none of whom communicated with each other about the subject so i gained a few to shut them up. then a few more.
my arm looks fat, but it's just my knobby elbow i guess. or maybe fat.
what's hilarious and frustrating about this is that you can't tell a difference. i don't look any different. i don't know if it's bone structure or weight distribution or what, but i must've weighed myself and and measured myself about a million times to make sure. i was right, i just couldn't see it.
doesn't matter now, though. back up about 6 pounds. it really makes a huge difference in the way i look, too. sometimes i feel like this is never going to get any better.
in other news, i have..a quandary. it is going to require my mother flying in to have lunch with me so we can discuss it. i know she's going to tell me exactly what i do not want to hear and is not going to be very happy about this, but she's the only person i trust. it's also a clever ploy to get her up here because i miss her something fierce.
lucero in bloomington july 2nd. there's something to be happy about. i feel like i had more to say. maybe i did, but not now.
you guys, tell me good things that are happening for you right now so i know the world isn't a fucking terrible place.
maybe that's just the depression talking.
sorry, i don't mean to be such a bumout. i'm working a lot, so that's good. getting out of debt. waiting tables rules. getting ready for dudefest. not even thinking about next semester, actually. i should maybe do that though. i found out that because i moved here for school (well, actually just for derek but we're not married so it doesn't count) i automatically will never qualify for in state tuition! hey, that's great! thanks iu! get fucked! STUDENT LOANZ 4 LYFE.
uh, i did find something out that made me pee myself though. it's one of my birthday presents from derek, but i'm not supposed to know what it is, so if any of you talk to my boyfriend DO NOT FUCKING TELL HIM I KNOW. he doesn't know that i know. it was by accident, i swear. anyway. he's taking me to chicago for the weekend of september 8-10 for touch and go's 25th anniversary party. he's already reserved the hotel and bought the tickets. this is the lineup so far:
!!!
The Black Heart Procession
Calexico
CocoRosie
Didjits (all original members)
Enon
The Ex
Girls Against Boys (all original members)
Killdozer (all original members)
Ted Leo + Pharmacists
Man... Or Astroman? (all original members)
Negative Approach (featuring John Brannon and OP Moore)
The New Year
Pegboy
Pinback
Quasi
Scratch Acid (all original members)
Seam
Shellac
The Shipping News
Supersystem
Three Mile Pilot
Uzeda
23 of 25 confirmed bands. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. i'm finally going to see shellac and the black heart procession and pinback and the shipping news and weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! and we're going to go to the field museum and eat at pick me up and go record shopping and go to the aquarium and WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
that is all i'm really looking forward to these days. oh, and going to france. i've set a goal weight for france. i don't know if it's..possible. we'll see. speaking of that, a couple weeks ago i reached my lowest weight ever. i wasn't even trying. these pictures are kind of random and not from that week, but from the week after. i got a series of lectures from several people, none of whom communicated with each other about the subject so i gained a few to shut them up. then a few more.
my arm looks fat, but it's just my knobby elbow i guess. or maybe fat.
what's hilarious and frustrating about this is that you can't tell a difference. i don't look any different. i don't know if it's bone structure or weight distribution or what, but i must've weighed myself and and measured myself about a million times to make sure. i was right, i just couldn't see it.
doesn't matter now, though. back up about 6 pounds. it really makes a huge difference in the way i look, too. sometimes i feel like this is never going to get any better.
in other news, i have..a quandary. it is going to require my mother flying in to have lunch with me so we can discuss it. i know she's going to tell me exactly what i do not want to hear and is not going to be very happy about this, but she's the only person i trust. it's also a clever ploy to get her up here because i miss her something fierce.
lucero in bloomington july 2nd. there's something to be happy about. i feel like i had more to say. maybe i did, but not now.
you guys, tell me good things that are happening for you right now so i know the world isn't a fucking terrible place.