Excel's Tuition on Ebonics
Excel has come to you all today with some brilliant displays of how not to speak in the world of today. Below, you will find many examples pulled from the last week of both formal network postings that were listed and comments pertaining to these said posts. Below that, you will find the correct translation that should be used in place of words that we consider 'ebonics'.
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/26/08 - 20:58
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BITCHES AT?, DAWG?!
This ain't 'bout you, this 'bout me cuz I'm 'bout it 'bout it, jigga. Where dat fine ass bartender be at? I coulda gave 'im da smackdown, but shiet he ain't 'bout to go down like dat, ya know what I'm sayin? Damn he be fine ass bitch.
TIME TO PAHTAY! Shiet, I ain't got the licka so I gotz to get mah ass to da licka stow.
Correction:
Where are my friends at? [Insert obligatory friend-like word here.]?!
This is not about you, this is about me, for I am about it. Where is that good-looking bartender currently? I could have slapped him across the face like a Silly Nanny, but he would not go down so easily. I think he is so handsome.
It is time to host a party. If I am to host a party, however, I am going to need liquor, and I do not currently have any in possession. Therefore, I must go to the liquor store.
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/27/08 - 07:56 UTC
Hey, ho. You seen my bitches?
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/27/08 - 08:00 UTC
Hell nah. Why? Ya seen my bitches dawg?
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/27/08 - 08:05 UTC
Naw, they sposed to make me food. They aint hur. Lets go find our bitches
Correction:
Hey, [Insert obligatory friend-like word here.] Have you seen my friends?
No, I am sorry. Why? Have you seen my friends?
No, they offered to make me some lunch. They are not here, however. Let us go find our friends.
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/26/08 - 23:44
'ey! What's a gurl gotta do to get some food around hur? Food dun make itself. Where my bitches at? Make me food!
Correction:
Hey! What does a girl need to do to acquire some food? Food does not make itself. Where are my friends at? Please make me some food.
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/27/08 - 15:58
WHERE ARE ALL THE MUTHA FUCKAZ IN DA HIZZOUSE?
U think u's hanky panky, dawg? C'mere and gimme sum o'dat shiet. I gotta get me a blunt. But dat shiet make all y'all sees colors 'n shiet. Dat be sick, dawg.
O yea, where are mah bitches at, dawg? I needs me some food, G. I'm fuckin hungry up in 'ere.
Correction:
Where are all the people on this ship?
You think that you are all of that there? Come here and give me some of it. I need to get myself some [insert most likely an illegal substance here]. But that [illegal substance here] makes you all see colours. That is mighty fine.
Oh, right, where are my friends at? I need some food. I am very hungry right now.
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/28/08 - 00:30
Dayum! That was one good ass pie, Ichigo-momma. Ya gotta get yer bitches to make more, fo sho.
Correction:
That was a mighty fine pie, Ichigo. You need to get your friends to make more, of this I am certain.
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/28/08 - 08:35 UTC
Fo sho! Mah bitches will get us more pie!
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/28/08 - 09:23 UTC
Get 'em ta make sum corn bread wit some collard greens 'n shiet, Ichigo-momma. Theys hanky panky enuff fo dat shiet. Ya know what I'm sayin?
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/28/08 - 09:30 UTC
Fo sho, dawg!
As written by Yamato Ishida: 01/28/08 - 19:32 UTC
Yo dawg. Can a brotha get some o that good ass pie?
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/28/08 - 21:24 UTC
Come 'n get it, homie. Pie ain't got legz wit lugz on, nah-da-mean?
Correction:
Of this I am certain. My friends will get us more pie!
Get them to make some corn bread with collard greens, Ichigo. They are definitely capable of this. Do you understand what I am saying?
Of this I am certain!
Hey, [Insert obligatory friend-like word here]. May a brother come and obtain a piece of that pie?
By all means, please come and get some. The pie cannot, after all, get up and wander off upon its own.
And henceforth, you may see that this way of speaking must cease and be corrected at once.
Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. I would even be willing to provide free lessons.
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/26/08 - 20:58
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BITCHES AT?, DAWG?!
This ain't 'bout you, this 'bout me cuz I'm 'bout it 'bout it, jigga. Where dat fine ass bartender be at? I coulda gave 'im da smackdown, but shiet he ain't 'bout to go down like dat, ya know what I'm sayin? Damn he be fine ass bitch.
TIME TO PAHTAY! Shiet, I ain't got the licka so I gotz to get mah ass to da licka stow.
Correction:
Where are my friends at? [Insert obligatory friend-like word here.]?!
This is not about you, this is about me, for I am about it. Where is that good-looking bartender currently? I could have slapped him across the face like a Silly Nanny, but he would not go down so easily. I think he is so handsome.
It is time to host a party. If I am to host a party, however, I am going to need liquor, and I do not currently have any in possession. Therefore, I must go to the liquor store.
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/27/08 - 07:56 UTC
Hey, ho. You seen my bitches?
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/27/08 - 08:00 UTC
Hell nah. Why? Ya seen my bitches dawg?
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/27/08 - 08:05 UTC
Naw, they sposed to make me food. They aint hur. Lets go find our bitches
Correction:
Hey, [Insert obligatory friend-like word here.] Have you seen my friends?
No, I am sorry. Why? Have you seen my friends?
No, they offered to make me some lunch. They are not here, however. Let us go find our friends.
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/26/08 - 23:44
'ey! What's a gurl gotta do to get some food around hur? Food dun make itself. Where my bitches at? Make me food!
Correction:
Hey! What does a girl need to do to acquire some food? Food does not make itself. Where are my friends at? Please make me some food.
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/27/08 - 15:58
WHERE ARE ALL THE MUTHA FUCKAZ IN DA HIZZOUSE?
U think u's hanky panky, dawg? C'mere and gimme sum o'dat shiet. I gotta get me a blunt. But dat shiet make all y'all sees colors 'n shiet. Dat be sick, dawg.
O yea, where are mah bitches at, dawg? I needs me some food, G. I'm fuckin hungry up in 'ere.
Correction:
Where are all the people on this ship?
You think that you are all of that there? Come here and give me some of it. I need to get myself some [insert most likely an illegal substance here]. But that [illegal substance here] makes you all see colours. That is mighty fine.
Oh, right, where are my friends at? I need some food. I am very hungry right now.
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/28/08 - 00:30
Dayum! That was one good ass pie, Ichigo-momma. Ya gotta get yer bitches to make more, fo sho.
Correction:
That was a mighty fine pie, Ichigo. You need to get your friends to make more, of this I am certain.
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/28/08 - 08:35 UTC
Fo sho! Mah bitches will get us more pie!
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/28/08 - 09:23 UTC
Get 'em ta make sum corn bread wit some collard greens 'n shiet, Ichigo-momma. Theys hanky panky enuff fo dat shiet. Ya know what I'm sayin?
As written by Momomiya Ichigo: 01/28/08 - 09:30 UTC
Fo sho, dawg!
As written by Yamato Ishida: 01/28/08 - 19:32 UTC
Yo dawg. Can a brotha get some o that good ass pie?
As written by Yukishiro Enishi: 01/28/08 - 21:24 UTC
Come 'n get it, homie. Pie ain't got legz wit lugz on, nah-da-mean?
Correction:
Of this I am certain. My friends will get us more pie!
Get them to make some corn bread with collard greens, Ichigo. They are definitely capable of this. Do you understand what I am saying?
Of this I am certain!
Hey, [Insert obligatory friend-like word here]. May a brother come and obtain a piece of that pie?
By all means, please come and get some. The pie cannot, after all, get up and wander off upon its own.
And henceforth, you may see that this way of speaking must cease and be corrected at once.
Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. I would even be willing to provide free lessons.