Mum has NO SENSE OF HUMOUR!
It's been raining and raining and raining but today Mum got sick of us whining and stealing her toast decided to be nice and take us for a WALK! And she's been walking a bit funny lately, so she put us in the CAR and NewSquirt got his car harness all caught up and mine too.
Then Mum drove us to our FAVOURITE park where doggies can RUN and RUN and BARK and don't have to wear a LEASH and there's this little creek running down the side of it. And NewSquirt ran around like a GIBBON and then he went to do a BIG POO so Mum had to go and clean it up.
Then I HEARD THEM!
DUCKS!
I don't hear too well sometimes but today I HEARD the DUCKS and they were in the CREEK but the creek was all BIG and HUGE and the bank where I can run wasn't there - there was water up to the ICKY GREEN STUFF that makes NewSquirt itchy. So I walked out on the GREEN STUFF to try and get to the DUCKS...
... AND I FELL IN! It was an ACCIDENT! HONEST! And I couldn't get up and I couldn't get up 'cause there was no little bank any more - just BIG HIGH WALLS as high as I AM and the water was COLD and I swam next to the wall and MUM was YELLING at me and CRYING and she tried to get me with a BIG STICK but she couldn't so then she went a bit further down the RIVER and she lay down on the bank and I was REALLY BRAVE and I SWAM UP TO HER but then she grabbed my NECK and pulled me out of the WATER.
And NewSquirt came over and so while he was licking her I tried to get back to the DUCKS ...
And then she YELLED AND YELLED at ME and at NewSquirt and she put the leashes back on us and I tried to get back to the DUCKS but she DRAGGED us back to the car ...
... and then she PUT ME IN THE BOOT!
And I had to stay there for FIVE WHOLE MINUTES while she drove us home and then she DRAGGED me upstairs and she threw me in the BATH.
And now I'm COLD and WET and all my NICE SMELLS are GONE...
... and I didn't even get a DUCK.