18 Months.
It occurs to me that, given the icon I used for this post is an icon from "Oz", ya'll might think I just got sentenced to 18 months in prison.
Um...no. It's actually my current "tattoo" icon, as I am now about to SHARE PICS OF MY TATTOO WITH YOU. (I know, I know, it only took me 6 months). But I figured since I got the tat for my one year drug-free celebration, and today yesterday being my 18 MONTHS CLEAN, that it is a good day to share.
Yep...18 MONTHS! In which I haven't swallowed a pill stronger than a regular strength Tylenol.
I'm actually feeling a lot better about it too. Especially since I started physical therapy. Even though I often come home from my sessions and have to lay down on the couch with the heating pad - overall, I feel better and stronger. Before I would get these bouts of pain and I would get so freaked out, thinking that some day, at some point, I will have to give in and take something for the pain. But now that I have someone working with me and getting me limber and keeping my muscles in good shape - I think maybe that day might be a lot farther off than I could have hoped for. Kevin, my physical therapist, and I had a good talk about it the other day and I basically said as long as he would put up with me being a pain in his ass, I would keep coming in and doing the work. Whatever it takes to put off that inevitable day for as long as I can.
Of course, there are still times where I want to surrender to the oblivion for personal emotional reasons - (nope, still don't want to talk about my mom yet) - or I forget why I am struggling so hard to stay clean, because what the hell am I doing with my life anyways...but I don't quite feel like I am up against the emotional and the physical at the same time, which is a good thing.
I should probably point out that this doesn't include alcohol, as I did get a little tipsy on vacation. I allow myself a drink or two like twice a year, but I really am a disgrace to my Irish heritage in that respect and don't really enjoy it that much anyways.
Anyways, I would have made this post yesterday - I actually typed it all up and everything - but I couldn't find my photos I had taken of the tattoo. I searched my computer for the phrase "tat" and all I got were pictures of Chad Michael Murray. What has my life become? Thankfully, My Wonderful Awesome BFF took some new ones for me. Thank you, liptonrm - (I could say it a million times a day for a million things, babe!)
I designed the tattoo myself and then I sent it to tringic - (My Girl!) - and she cleaned up the lines for me so it was perfect and exactly what I wanted, because my version was nowhere near good enough for my arm - (tringic is an amazing artist and she totally pulled this out for me and I can't thank her enough! Seriously). It is an Ankh, which symbolizes rebirth - and a Sun, which also symbolizes rebirth. I don't just feel like the rebirth was about getting off the pills, but I am also trying to work more on other things about myself as well. And I started writing again and I realized how much I missed it. So I thought the ankh and sun were good choices. Plus, I have always been oddly obsessed with the ankh in general, dating back to a necklace I had when I was like 14. The tattoo is on my left arm.
So...now would you like to see it? Hey, Tringic, are you watching, baby?!
Now maybe tomorrow I'll catch up on comments. What? Don't give me that face - I totally maybe will.
Um...no. It's actually my current "tattoo" icon, as I am now about to SHARE PICS OF MY TATTOO WITH YOU. (I know, I know, it only took me 6 months). But I figured since I got the tat for my one year drug-free celebration, and today yesterday being my 18 MONTHS CLEAN, that it is a good day to share.
Yep...18 MONTHS! In which I haven't swallowed a pill stronger than a regular strength Tylenol.
I'm actually feeling a lot better about it too. Especially since I started physical therapy. Even though I often come home from my sessions and have to lay down on the couch with the heating pad - overall, I feel better and stronger. Before I would get these bouts of pain and I would get so freaked out, thinking that some day, at some point, I will have to give in and take something for the pain. But now that I have someone working with me and getting me limber and keeping my muscles in good shape - I think maybe that day might be a lot farther off than I could have hoped for. Kevin, my physical therapist, and I had a good talk about it the other day and I basically said as long as he would put up with me being a pain in his ass, I would keep coming in and doing the work. Whatever it takes to put off that inevitable day for as long as I can.
Of course, there are still times where I want to surrender to the oblivion for personal emotional reasons - (nope, still don't want to talk about my mom yet) - or I forget why I am struggling so hard to stay clean, because what the hell am I doing with my life anyways...but I don't quite feel like I am up against the emotional and the physical at the same time, which is a good thing.
I should probably point out that this doesn't include alcohol, as I did get a little tipsy on vacation. I allow myself a drink or two like twice a year, but I really am a disgrace to my Irish heritage in that respect and don't really enjoy it that much anyways.
Anyways, I would have made this post yesterday - I actually typed it all up and everything - but I couldn't find my photos I had taken of the tattoo. I searched my computer for the phrase "tat" and all I got were pictures of Chad Michael Murray. What has my life become? Thankfully, My Wonderful Awesome BFF took some new ones for me. Thank you, liptonrm - (I could say it a million times a day for a million things, babe!)
I designed the tattoo myself and then I sent it to tringic - (My Girl!) - and she cleaned up the lines for me so it was perfect and exactly what I wanted, because my version was nowhere near good enough for my arm - (tringic is an amazing artist and she totally pulled this out for me and I can't thank her enough! Seriously). It is an Ankh, which symbolizes rebirth - and a Sun, which also symbolizes rebirth. I don't just feel like the rebirth was about getting off the pills, but I am also trying to work more on other things about myself as well. And I started writing again and I realized how much I missed it. So I thought the ankh and sun were good choices. Plus, I have always been oddly obsessed with the ankh in general, dating back to a necklace I had when I was like 14. The tattoo is on my left arm.
So...now would you like to see it? Hey, Tringic, are you watching, baby?!
Now maybe tomorrow I'll catch up on comments. What? Don't give me that face - I totally maybe will.