Fic: United Here, Somehow - SPN, PG-13, Humor - Dean writes Glee fan-fic
"Does that say Dean Writes Glee Fan-Fic?" you ask. "Why are you using a Glee icon for a Supernatural story?" you ask.
Yes and that's why.
Um, Dean needs a release from that whole Apocalypse thing. He discovers Glee. And the Internets. And Glee on the Internets.
Dudes! I broke 6,000 words!!
Also, as I was coding this (it took forever, omg!) I noticed that Dean signs his LJ posts with "That is all." Hey! I do that too! Except, weirdly, I wrote this fic before I had ever even had a Livejournal. Huh.
In celebration of both Glee and Supernatural returning to our TVs next week - I give you "United Here, Somehow".
Title: United Here, Somehow
Author: dodger_sister
Fandom: Supernatural (and kinda sorta Glee)
Category: General, Humor
Characters/Pairing: Dean & Sam (and Fandom)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild Language, abuse of Fandom and Dean talking about lesbian sisters.
Spoilers: Mild for Season 1 of Glee and Season 5 of Supernatural.
Summary: Dean needs an outlet. He finds “Glee”.
Word Count: 6,144 words.
Date Written: 05/11/2010
Disclaimer: “Supernatural” belongs to Eric Kripke and The CW. “Glee” belongs to Ryan Murphy and Fox. This story, however, is all mine. I make no money off it.
Mini-Disclaimer: Since I’m not like fully immersed in Glee-dom, or even LJ for that matter, just yet, I disclaimer all the names of the journals and stuff I put in here. On the off chance that any of this exists, um, sorry, my bad. Except for Fandom Wank and Live Journal - those are real things. Also, if lesbiansisters.com is a real site, then I say wtf people.
Beta’d: Nope.
Author's Notes: My cousin, all of fifteen, wrote her first fan-fiction like two months ago. In it, Dean was making Sam sing along to “Don’t Stop Believin”. Sam mocks him. My response was - DEAN is SO OBSESSED with GLEE! Omg. You are a genius. How did I not think of that? Because Sam doesn't know, but Dean secretly watches it every week. And if he misses an episode, he downloads it on the laptop while Sam is asleep and if Sam catches him, Dean is all embarrassed and Sam thinks he must have caught him watching porn, but no - it's Glee. Dean secretly watches it and loves it. Dean secretly wants Puck and Rachel to get together. Dean secretly wants to bang the counselor lady and probably the blonde cheerleader. Dean secretly waits and waits for them to do an AC/DC song. Dean secretly writes Glee fan-fiction. Omg. I am going to think about this all forever.
Dedication: To The Cousin. Her school choir just had their spring concert. And she had a duet and dude, I am so not kidding, she blew them all out of the water. I can’t believe she can sing like that and she isn’t even old enough to drive yet. I am so proud of her for being brave enough to do that. So this is for her. Also, side note, to liptonrm, for setting me up on LJ for my birthday and screaming at me to stop being a pussy and rejoin Fandom already. I did and now I thank her.
Dean hadn’t meant for this to happen.
It was never his intention to let it go this far.
It’d all just gotten out of hand so fast.
And it wasn’t like he could just sit by and do nothing. Not when he could do something.
He had to do something.
Because anyone who thought that Rachel should be with Finn was just stupid. And clearly, insane.
***
Okay, so it’s not like Dean was waiting all summer with bated breath for the premiere of “Glee”. But sometime toward the end of the summer, he saw his first promo pop up when he turned on his laptop to look at porn. It happened three more times. Sam was always out and Dean was using his time wisely - lesbianssisters.com anyone? - but after the third time, Sam still wasn’t back yet and the homepage Dean had returned to - yeah, he’d learned to stop leaving the porn sites open, it pissed Sam off for some reason - was urging him to watch this scene from Fox’s new hit show “Glee” and okay, so the cheerleaders were hot and Dean still had some juice in him.
He would never regret having clicked on the link.
And he would never regret that the next day, he got out the laptop and watched it again before surfing around until he found a premiere date.
Finding a way to watch the first episode, and every episode after that, without Sam finding out had proved to be difficult.
But Dean was nothing if not persistent.
For the first time, he found himself wishing he had one of those IPods like Sam had. Then he could download the songs from the show and the episodes to watch whenever Sam was off doing whatever Sam went off to do.
When they weren’t stopping the Apocalypse and all.
***
It didn’t take long for Dean to start trolling the internet for spoilers - yeah, that’s what they call it when you want to know things about the show before it actually airs. Most people complained about spoilers, but Dean loved them. He could pretend it was nice to have something to think about other than the Apocalypse and the whole Angel/Demon War thing, but the truth was, he was just impatient.
He didn’t like having to wait a week for his next fix.
***
He found a chat forum pretty early on. He was glad because he really needed to bitch to people about the absurdity of the whole Chastity Club thing and omg - that’s right, Dean was spelling things with letters like a fourteen year old girl, OMG and BTW and WTF - because seriously, dude, someone needed to give Finn a swirly. Dean had never been one to go around shoving other people’s heads in the toilet, just never found bullying to do that much for him when he could go smite a poltergeist instead, but Finn, even Dean wanted to flush the little douchebag. Why was he such a dweeb? Finn needed to get laid. Dean was sure that would solve the problem.
He was gratified when several people agreed with him. Some people, chicks from junior high school Dean was sure, called him a dorkwad and told him to beat it, that he sounded as much like a dick as Puck.
Dean didn’t understand how that was an insult. Puck was the man.
***
Once, Sam almost caught him.
Dean was surfing around, looking at cast pictures and scrounging up a few fan-vids - yeah, Dean was on YouTube - when Sam came back from the library.
“Dude,” Dean said, and slammed the laptop shut.
Sam stopped with the door still partially open, a half-amused, half-horrified look on his face.
“Were you watching porn?”
“No,” Dean said hastily, then opened the laptop just enough to peak at the screen and shut down the open pages.
“Dude,” Sam said.
“Shut up.”
Dean started to stand and Sam took a step back. “Your pants had better be zipped, dude.”
“Shut up,” Dean said again and shut the laptop off without meeting Sam’s eyes.
***
Eventually, Dean started ranting on the forums about how Emma, the adorable but way too uptight school counselor, also needed to get laid.
And how Rachel should totally date Puck, - yeah, he totally called it before the show writers even did. Couldn’t they all see that was where it was going? Slushie tossing was just foreplay.
Then someone, glee_is_squee, suggested Dean try venting these things through fan-fiction.
Dean asked, Where is that? Cuz I’m just outside Lexington right now.
glee_is_squee sent him a link and holy hell, people wrote stories about this shit.
Dean told Sam he was going to the bar to hit on chicks. He went to the library, fully intending to stay for an hour before actually heading off to the bar to hit on chicks. Instead, Dean stayed until the library closed and the nice, kind of hot for a librarian in her forties, let him stay until she was ready to leave herself.
“What were you reading?” she asked as she locked the front door and Dean held her purse/bag/thing for her - what did she have in there anyway, her kitchen sink?
“It wasn’t porn,” Dean said quickly and then blushed under the street light.
She just smiled sweetly at him and Dean wondered if she was going to call him honey and pat his arm.
“It’s…It’s called fan-fiction,” he said and it sounded weird to him.
I am Dean Winchester. I hunt monsters, went to Hell and my best friend is an Angel. Also, I read Glee fan-fiction, he thought in his head.
Then he noticed the nice, kind of hot librarian was gawking at him and later Dean would wonder how his love for the Puck/Rachel had actually gotten him laid.
***
The next day he wrote his first story about the new brash rebel student showing Emma that there were good things about sharing bodily fluids.
He posted it on a place called Fanfiction.net. He got twelve comments.
Twelve.
Dean didn’t know if that was good by Fandom standards - yeah, Fandom is what the Internets called the community of people who all got together to share views on their favorite show/movie/book. And yeah, Dean was spelling it Internets now, with an s - but it was more comments than Dean had gotten during three semesters of high school creative writing, which he only took to pick up geeky book chicks anyway. Geeky book chicks were always hard up for some boy action.
Unfortunately, the twelfth comment told him that Marty-Stus sucked.
Dean asked if that was some sort of fruity alcoholic drink that sorority girls ordered and then thanked the guy/girl for his advice and recommended some purple nurples.
The guy/girl - Dean was learning most of these people were actually 30-something women - told him that Marty-Stus, or Mary-Sues for the chicks, were when someone inserted themselves into the story and made themselves way too good to be true. No one is that awesome, joyjoy_boytoy told him.
Dean scoffed. I am, he responded.
glee_is_squee was watching the posting of Dean’s first fic and interjected before Dean could start something Squee called a flame war. Dean thought flame war sounded like fun, but then he looked it up and begrudgingly admitted he just didn’t have the time to invest in something that didn’t pertain to actual fire.
Not when he had a real salt and burn to tend to, with the flame.
And the whole Apocalypse thing, with the war.
***
After that, both glee_is_squee and Dean’s new friend, torn_to_pieces - Dean refrained from asking her if she had actually been torn to pieces, because well, Dean had, but he supposed the point of this whole thing was to not be Dean the Angel Condom for like five seconds - suggested he get a LiveJournal.
Dean responded with, Dude, I like you guys but a three way internet sex thing? I don’t know. Can I think about it? Will there be video?
torn_to_pieces replied with, Dude, you’re wicked funny, you should share with the class. Get an LJ!
glee_is_squee answered with, yeah, he’s not joking there Torn, he really thinks everything on the Internet goes back to porn.
Dean hit reply all and said, it totally does and 2 people who write nothing but Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Puck in all adult form really oughta shut it.
Then he went and googled LiveJournal.
After Dean wrote a complimentary drabble wherein Rachel made them all take ballet classes for their dance routines and Puck saw how very, very limber Kurt was and then decided maybe he’d gone through all the girls in school anyway, glee_is_squee agreed to help Dean get started. She also made him icons - one of Puck that read I am The Awesome, one of Emma that read Bodily Fluids are Gross and one of Santana that read You Wish, Loser.
Now Dean had a place to vent on a daily basis. About all kinds of things.
Anything.
And, oh yeah, Dean still hadn’t quite gotten over the end of “Battlestar Galactic” or the fact that “Torchwood” had killed off Rose. And seriously, did “Leverage” actually think it was “Hustle”?
Also, Dean liked to talk about pie and where he could find the best bacon cheeseburgers and why are lesbian sisters so hot and did anyone catch the high school cheerleading competition on ESPN2 - yeah, Dean hadn’t even been embarrassed when Sam had caught him watching that because, dude, cheerleaders, and yeah okay, high school girls but looking wasn’t illegal, at least not when it was on ESPN2 and yeah, Dean was a pervert but if God was okay with that then so was he - and when, oh when, would Glee do an AC/DC song?
He gave himself the online name of my_Impala_wins.
And he friended all the Glee communities he could find.
And he made a poll for which classic rock artist they should feature on “Glee” - Dean was floored when Blue Oyster Cult won by a landslide.
And, oh yeah, Dean liked LiveJournal.
***
glee_is_squee told him that he should post his story on his LJ.
Dean was terrified, which was saying something, because look what he did for a living.
Dude, no way, Dean told her, I get Marty-Stued, whatever the hell that means. What does that mean?
Dean didn’t normally care what people thought of him.
He didn’t.
But these internet people could be crazy sometimes and without his charming smile to placate the masses, he really felt kind of defenseless.
glee_is_squee sent him a link and Dean found out that Mary-Sues/Marty-Stus were really just badly written original characters that seem far too perfect and from what Dean could tell, made you want to punch them in their perfectly pretty little faces.
It was just too bad no one knew him in real life or they would totally see that his character had been based on his own inherent-awesomeness.
torn_to_pieces assured him that people could write actual decent original characters and that Dean just needed to tone it down a bit.
Dean tried. He also changed the character to be one of the Mikes - wait, he looked it up and found that one of the Mikes was actually named Matt - because he figured the kid was good-looking and totally slick on the dance floor and he could absolutely bang the school counselor if he wanted.
He was still terrified.
Don’t be a pussy, you big pussy *g*, glee_is_squee told him. I’ll hold your hand.
Dude, get off me, Dean replied. Go jerk yourself off or write some more gay porn, you douchebag *g* - and yeah, Dean uses letters inside asterisks now to signify facial expressions. What of it?
glee_is_squee responded with, you’re a loser, you loser. But your fic is good. Post it to your LJ or die, sucker. Kisses!
So Dean posted it to his LJ.
And waited.
He got twenty-two comments this time and someone from someplace called Glee ReMix: The Odd Pairings LJ totally recced his story.
Dean was so happy, he let Sam pick the music for the next two days.
He just didn’t tell him why.
***
After that Dean wrote a story where Puck and Finn had to stop a haunting in the school library, a story where Brittany discovered her inner punk-goddess and started a punk rock band with Artie, a story where Will died in a car accident and Emma’s grief was only comforted by Puck’s penis and then later she counseled him into believing he could go to college - Dean totally channeled his inner Sammy for the last three scenes of that fic - and one where Kurt helped Mr. Schue realize that his problem with women was that he was totally, totally gay - glee_is_squee wanted it to end with some hardcore porn between the two of them, but instead Kurt and Mercedes took him to a gay bar and then proceeded to own the place with their awesomeness. And Mr. Schue went home with some shaggy-haired kid named Sam. Dean told his three BFFs - number three was cheerios_are_milk - that Sam was based on his brother, who though he claimed to be straight as the line, clearly was only as straight as the drunken line.
And then laughed uproariously with himself and thought what a bitch-face Sam would put on if he knew Dean was talking smack about him on the Internet.
Already though, Sam was getting more play in Dean’s fan-fiction than he gotten in real life in like forever. Even if it was with the shiny-haired Mr. Schuester.
***
Then one day, the inevitable happened.
Dean went out for burgers - well, a burger for himself, a nice green chick salad for Sam - and came back to find Sam sitting in front of the laptop.
Smirking.
Sam had one leg crossed over the other, arms folded on his chest, and the biggest stupidest grin on his face that Dean had ever seen.
Shit.
“So,” Sam said smugly, “Your Impala wins, huh?”
“Course she does,” Dean said briskly. “My baby rules,” but he could feel the horrible, horrible lump swelling in his throat.
Sam was going to ruin this for him.
“Glee, Dean? Really?”
Crap. Crap. Crappitycrapcrap.
Had he left the page open? He was sure he hadn’t. He was completely paranoid about that.
“Need to empty your browser history once in a while,” Sam told him, like he knew what Dean was thinking.
Dean got a beer from the mini-fridge and sat down hard on the end of the bed.
“Can we just pretend you didn’t see that and go on with our miserable existence of a life?” Dean asked sullenly, knowing there was no way in Hell or Earth or Hell on Earth that Sam was ever going to let this go.
“What did this Finn kid ever do to you?” Sam asked.
“He just irks me,” Dean said vehemently, and then looked down at the floor.
“And Battlestar Galactica? Oh, I’m sorry,” Sam said, and that big stupid smirky grin was back in place, “I meant BSG. Seriously, dude, let it go.”
“Starbuck is not an angel. Castiel is an angel. If Castiel looked like freaking Katee Sackhoff, I would totally be doing him right now.”
Well, at least that got the stupid smirk off Sam’s stupid face.
“Can we please just let this go? We started the Apocalypse. The world is ending. Lucifer walks amongst us. We’re Angel condoms. Can I please just have this?” He knew he sounded whiny and desperate and he felt utterly ashamed at admitting that the dumbass Internet was the one good thing in his life at the moment.
Oh, God, when would the world end already?
“So all the times you’ve been going out for beer and chicks, where have you really been going?” Sam asked, and his voice seemed quieter, maybe less mocking.
“Library,” Dean mumbled and then to save some face, “Found a totally hot fan-girl librarian and nailed her in the Impala.”
“Really?” and there was a tiny bit of awe in Sam’s voice, like when they were teenagers and Dean would report which popular cheerleader he had totally banged that week. It felt kind of good. It’d been a long time since Sam had anything good to say about Dean’s antics with the fairer sex.
“I just don’t like being Dean Winchester very much these days,” he admitted and caught Sam nodding in response.
“Okay,” and then a pause before Sam asked, “What’s fan-fiction?”
Dean groaned.
This was a nightmare.
***
Sam let it go for two whole days. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t ask a single question after Dean had explained fan-fiction and turned all kinds of shades of red and completely lost his appetite, but hey, he was Dean, so he ate his burger anyway.
Sam didn’t mock him or poke at him or make smug comments.
For two whole days.
It was killing Dean. The suspense, the wait, was worse than the mocking was ever going to be. He was sure of it.
He was wrong.
***
“So, all your best friends in the world are 30-something women behind a computer screen?” Sam asked outside of Deer Creek, Illinois.
“I’m not twelve. I don’t have a best friend and we don’t wear little heart lockets declaring it so. If I did, it’d be you, Sammy. You know that. And sadly, Cas. The others, they are just names on a screen.”
“Liar,” Sam said. “You tell them things. Not I kill monsters and have a special angel friend, but things. Stuff you don’t tell me. And fun stuff. Good stuff. They’re your friends.”
“Fine,” Dean grumbled, “Whatever,” and then added, “I’m pretty sure Cheerio is a guy.”
***
“Um, hello?” Sam said, as they were passing through Milford, Nebraska.
“What?” Dean asked and peered out the front window of the Impala. “Did I miss a turn off or something?”
“Dude, I just had a thought.”
“Don’t strain yourself there, Sammy.”
“When are they going to give Tina some serious stage time?”
“What?!”
“Um, hello, when are they going to give Tina some serious stage time. She’s totally hot.”
“I hate you. Stop memorizing my LJ.”
Sam snickered. “O. M. G., you just said LJ.”
“Die.”
***
“You’re totally prettier than Mr. Schuester,” Sam told him in a diner in Hillsdale, Michigan.
***
“Hey, isn’t Glee set in Ohio?”
On their way to Wellington, Ohio.
***
“Too bad Gabriel didn’t slap us into Glee. You could have totally done it with that Emma chick. Or Puck. Plus, singing.”
On their way back from Wellington, Ohio.
***
“You should totally write a story where the pretty boy angel with the big anime eyes kicks Starbuck’s ass.”
At a rest stop near Wilmington, North Carolina.
“First of all, anime eyes?”
Sam just shrugged. “He does.”
“Uh-huh,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows at Sam. “Secondly, Starbuck, angel or not, would totally kick Castiel’s ass. End of discussion. New topic.”
“Why are you obsessed with Puck’s penis?”
***
“Dude, you have a total crush on this Emma chick. Do you carry a picture of her in your wallet and tell people she’s your girlfriend?”
Just outside of Morrison, Oklahoma.
***
“New episode of Glee tonight! O-m-g, dudes.”
Passing through Mulvane, Kansas.
***
“What do you mean they’re going on hiatus? W-T-F? How will you not die? Will you die? Will Castiel have to go get you and bring you back because you died from no Glee? Your life will be Glee-less.”
Driving along I-135.
“Don’t joke about hiatus, Sammy,” Dean said, in all seriousness. “I probably won’t get to see them go to Regionals because we will probably be dead by the time hiatus is over. Or the Apocalypse will be upon us and the whole freaking cast of Glee will be dead and you know what? That’ll be on us.”
Sam didn’t mock for an entire 39 hours after that.
***
“What the hell, Dean?!” Sam asked, in a motel room in Leyden, Wisconsin. “What the hell is Mr. Schuester doing going home with…with…”
“You,” Dean supplied and grinned at his little brother. “You need to get laid, Sam. Since you aren’t actually taking care of that, I thought I’d handle it for you.”
“I’m not gay. Stop telling people I’m gay.”
“Internets people don’t count. And don’t be a homophobe.”
“I couldn’t have hooked it up with someone…cooler?”
“Puck?”
“I hate you.”
“You love me, Sammy. And all Will Schuester would have to do is sing some Enya or some bullshit and you’d be all over that.”
“Die.”
“Already did.”
***
One night, Dean got drunk.
And logged on to LJ.
He wrote, Angels are dicks. Seriously. Warriors of God, my ass. More like Douchebags of God. WTF, dudes. They give you cancer and take your brother’s lungs. Plus, total boundary issues, dude. Watch me while I sleep? TF!
And Prophets, total alcoholics. I’m not even kidding. I mean, I get why. Front seat to the Apocalypse can not be pretty, but still, dude. And also, our lives are not for public consumption. This is why I have a total problem with RPS. Not here for your amusement.
Except that’s not even the same. Because other than names, that’s mostly fictional. But Prophets, that bullshit really happened.
To people.
Also, why are angels so hot? Except Zach. I hate that guy.
That is all.
Pie.
In the morning, Dean logged onto his journal and found a flurry of comments to the post he barely remembered making.
glee_is_squee said, Hey, are you drunk? Stop projecting your family’s issues on your LJ. We talked about this. You don’t have to follow their great plan. Did you have a fight with that girlfriend of yours? C? Tell her to stop quoting the Bible at you. Go write some porn and don’t drunk-LJ anymore.
cheerios_are_milk said, Dude, Mellow. You have to let this whole Starbuck thing go.
torn_to_pieces said, Honey, angels don’t actually watch over you while you sleep. That’s just a saying.
Someone named lucy_is_my_sister said, I take offense at that. Angels are not dicks. Maybe their family just has as many issues as yours. Did you ever think about that? Also, prophets are the Angels’ bitches, so be nice. Share some porn.
There were some what the hells and some dude, I used to totally like you but I can’t deal with all the religion and some oh yeah, cuz you hang out daily with angels. Or prophets, for that matter, and some I love how people talk about religion like they know God’s gospel truth, and of course, just because RPS isn’t your thing, doesn’t mean you have to be such a dick about it. Seriously. Don’t take it so personally. It’s not like they are writing about you.
Then someone named go_Mavericks_go said, Dude, fair warning, take it down before you get wanked.
Dean was pretty pissed. At himself, for drunkenly LJ-ing everywhere. At the Angels for totally being dicks. But mostly at people, for not ever knowing anything what was actually happening around them. And calling him out on the RPS, like they know what it’s like to have people writing stories where you have lots of gay sex with your brother.
It was enough to make him want to start the Apocalypse. Again.
So he wrote back. I like being wanked. Are you offering? Seriously, LJ is kinda full of pervs. Not that I’m complaining.
go_Mavericks_go wrote back. Fandom Wank will put up a copy of your thread and all the crazy comments herein (and just get drunk again tonight and respond to all of them, because trust me, the day is still early and more are coming) and see how long it takes for you to be dubbed amongst the crazies. There was a link to a place called Fandom Wank Lives.
Dean didn’t even bother to click it. Maybe I want to get wanked. Maybe then more people will see that Angels are dicks! Because they are. Hot dicks. Except Zach, I hate that guy.
Mafia_Rulz jumped in with, Is it an RPG? Is it like some porn thing? Why are angels hot and dicks? Seriously, where can I get this game?
go_Mavericks_go had one final thing to say. You want to get wanked? Done.
Later, when Dean finally had a chance to open the laptop again, he clicked the link for this Fandom Wank thing and found my_Impala_wins was already on the page.
And even though fandom wanking sounded good in theory, turns out, not so much.
Dean signed onto LJ and wrote, I apologize. I was drunk. And we’ve been doing all this Bible research at work. My uncle has this…Library of Science - and okay, Sam might of come up with that one for him - and we’ve been doing all this work study crap and then I got drunk and then I LJ-ed and well, um, yeah. I’ve been working too much.
Prophets are fairly cool. At least they give good advice on end of the world scenarios. (Toilet paper, people - treat it like it’s gold, because it will be).
And Angels have boundary issues. But they save your ass when you need it, so, whatever. I’ll call a truce.
Seriously, I promise, no more drunk LJ-ing.
- Impala
Dean stayed off LiveJournal for awhile and instead worked on his very first AU.
The Glee kids work at a copy store. Puck keeps leaving his underwear on the copy machine. Artie secretly sells fake IDs. They have a rivalry going with the kids from Vocal Adrenaline, who work at the Kinkos across the street. And they all just randomly break into song at inopportune moments - Dean went with a theme and made all the music Metallica songs.
***
Dean and Sam had taken a nasty case involving ghouls who were actually attending high-school. Dean hated ghouls. They were gross. And he hadn’t forgotten their last entanglement with the filthy creatures.
The job had sucked and he’d totally wanted to LJ at the school’s computer when Sam was off pretending to be a math teacher or some shit, but the school computer had a block on it and wouldn’t access LiveJournal. Just because some perverts totally write porn on it.
They’d finally killed the damn things, cleaned up the mess - Dean showered for two hours afterwards - and Sam was already talking about the next gig when Dean finally broke.
“Man, I just need some downtime, okay?” he said bitterly.
What he couldn’t tell Sam was that they were giving out Glee Fan-Fic awards on some LJ community this week and Dean’s fic “Night Flight” - oh yeah, that was a Led Zeppelin title, bitches - was totally nominated in the Horror category. The whole school was trapped inside while zombies tried to force their way in. Coach Sue led the rebel army, mostly made up of Glee kids and molotov-cocktails.
Several people had pushed for it to be included in the Angst category as well - because the response to Kurt’s mother returning from the dead and him letting her in even though she already knew she was getting hungry and then having to shoot her but Puck said he’d do it but then at the last second Kurt did it himself - had totally been tears omg I sobbed and stuff like that.
Someone told him they thought it could totally place in Comedy also, because well, Coach Sue kept yelling at the zombies you think being undead is hard, try being trapped in here with Will Schuester, that’s hard! And also, Emma became a zombie and while she was still lucid, endlessly complained about her own body’s icky-ness.
Dean’s three BFFs totally said they would have voted for it in the Adult category, - Sue got it on several times with Puck, usually during scenes where they talked at great lengths about what guns they would totally use in this situation if they had any guns. Also, Dean threw Will and Emma a bone and let them hook it up before she became all un-dead - but Dean knew his friends were mostly just happy he had gone back to his roots of the whole NC-17 Het thing. Though glee_is_squee didn’t understand why he never wrote adult slash - Dean was fine with the boy-on-boy lovin’ and he was more than fine with the girl-on-girl lovin’, he just hadn’t quite worked himself up there yet.
Write what you know, his creative writing teacher had said.
So anyway, he didn’t relish being trapped in a car with Sam for two days, talking about the new case and waiting for Castiel to show up and inform them of their next move on the whole Apocalypse thing, when he could totally be watching his LJ and waiting on award announcements. Not for the first time, Dean contemplated giving glee_is_squee his phone number so she could call him on fandom things when he had to actually, you know, save the world and shit.
“That’s okay, Dean,” Sam said slowly. “We should probably take some sleep time when we can get it. Castiel could show up at any minute and want us to go off to Lebanon or some shit.”
“Lebanon?”
Sam shrugged. “Yeah, or like 1953 or something.”
Dean threw himself down on the bed. “Dude, seriously, our lives.”
But Sam was already pulling clothes out of his bag and heading for the shower.
“Go change your clothes,” he told Dean. “Put on a nice button-up and a pair of jeans without any holes in them. I wanna take you somewhere.”
Dean kicked at his brother as he walked past toward the bathroom. “You asking me on a date, Sammy?”
“Shut up, Dean. Trust me. You’ll like this.”
Sam showered. Dean changed.
***
“It’s the school,” Dean said morosely, because it probably still smelled like ghoul in there. “Why are we here? Why did I have to wear nice clothes to clean up ghoul intestines?”
But Sam was getting out of the car already, so Dean followed.
That’s when he noticed the crowd of people heading inside. He followed his brother, who slid the man at the door a couple of bucks and took a playbill.
Dean snatched it from his hand.
Homer Community School Presents: A Night of Song
The Glee Club’s “Tune Up”
“What the hell, Sammy?” but Sam was already snatching the playbill back and shoving his brother inside.
Once they were in the auditorium, Dean slouched in his seat and scowled at Sam. “You don’t have to give me so much shit. I ask for one thing in this world. You’re ruining my Glee.”
“I’m not giving you shit, Dean. And sit up straight.”
A group of girls walked by, - Dean was guessing freshman - waved at Sam and giggled. “Hi, Mr West,” they all said in that creepy unison way that teenage girls have.
“Hello, girls,” Sam said politely, and Dean realized they all still thought he was the substitute math teacher.
“Do your homework?” Sam asked them.
They all giggled again and said, “Yes, sir,” in unison and Sam grinned and told them to enjoy the rest of their night.
“Dude,” Dean said, “Those girls were totally crushing on you.”
“Those girls, Dean, are fourteen years old, so calm down.”
“I’m just saying.”
But then the lights went down and the junior high kids came out on stage and Dean shut up.
***
The junior high choir was quite bad. They sang some crap that sounded like it came off the CW’s “One Tree Hill” - and God, Dean hated that show, even if he watched it like everyday - and Dean was pretty sure there was some Maroon 5 in there and definitely some disco. And not even good disco, like Abba.
But then the high school kids came on stage, in their black and white outfits and sunglasses and stood with their heads bowed until the music started, and Dean sat up a little straighter in his chair.
The first song was an old one, the Beach Boys, but from what Dean could tell it was about stealing a car, so he went with it.
The next song was definitely country and some girl in a little western style skirt, with a little twang in her voice, sang about the wild frontier and angels and Dean realized it was about death and he suddenly missed Castiel a whole lot.
But it was the third song that got him. Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Lodi” and Dean was sitting straight up in his seat now.
After “Lodi”, the rest of the choir fell back and a young boy sat down and picked up a guitar, while a young girl joined him on the next stool.
They sang “Growin’ Up” by Bruce Springsteen and one verse in, Dean turned to Sam and mouthed the words “Holy shit,” at him.
The choir followed it with two mash-ups, one of “I’ll Stand By You/Lean On Me” and one of The Beatles “A Hard Day’s Night/Help!”.
Then there was some song that was definitely a boy band hit and involved a lot of dancing. And something that sounded like it came off of Sam’s Ipod - Dean’s mind said “Lifehouse” or “3 Doors Down” - and then the choir went into their final song.
Bon Jovi’s “Blaze of Glory”.
As the last notes rang in his ears, Dean turned to Sam and said, “Thank you, Sammy. I so needed this.”
Sam just smiled and hauled his brother out before the principal could corner him and ask him to fill in for the math teacher for another week.
***
In the car, Sam asked Dean if he wanted to listen to the “Glee” soundtrack on the way back to the motel and then waved his IPod at Dean.
“You didn’t?!” Dean cried, like the ridiculous fan-boy he had become.
“Of course I did,” Sam told him and plugged it in. “But lest you become confused, I will still be with all the mocking.”
When Dean just stared at him, Sam smiled and started the car. “You’re my brother, Dean. You deserve good things too.”
And Dean thought it might not be the worst thing to let Sam in on some of the better things once in awhile.
Because there were better things.
Dean had just been looking in the wrong place all along.
***
Coda:
So, maybe Sam hadn’t been checking Dean’s browser history that day. Maybe he had signed on to livejournal.com for his own personal reasons and found it already logged into.
Under the name of my_Impala_wins.
So, Sam had started reading - completely forgoing the update on his next chapter in his epic Gilmore Girls fic wherein Rory got pregnant in high school by Jess but then Lorelai and Luke ended up taking joint custody of the baby so that Rory could go to Yale.
And the next week my_Impala_wins got friended by one Enter_Samman.
You should write a Gilmore Girls crossover, Enter_Samman told my_Impala_wins.
I don’t really know that show that well, my_Impala_wins had responded. I think my little brother watches it.
So Enter_Samman wrote a fic where Lane joined the jazz band and ended up drumming for the glee club and totally fell in love with Matt, but you know, he isn’t a Christian, so what the hell was she going to tell her mother.
my_Impala_wins said, Dude, crossovers rule! Look, a fic dedicated to me! But I like the guy Lane dated who went on to the O.C.
Enter_Samman said, This fic is set before the Dave-years. Don’t worry. I’m all about Dave/Lane 4evah!
my_Impala_wins and Enter_Samman became good friends.
And Sam hoped the world stayed spinning long enough for him to take Dean to a summer Glee convention - he heard the cast were booked to do a performance of some of their more popular songs.
Plus, Jane Lynch was totally going to be there and Sam was kind of crushing.
Of course, Sam had no delusions. He knew that the world was still ending and Lucifer still wanted to wear him and Michael was still pounding on Dean’s door and Bobby was still in a wheelchair and their friends were still dying and Castiel was still hovering on their shoulders like a creepy angel stalker.
And also, he knew one day he would forget to log out of LiveJournal and come back from getting dinner, only to find Dean all legs-crossed and arms-folded and smirking at him.
But at least they were in this together now.
The End
Yes and that's why.
Um, Dean needs a release from that whole Apocalypse thing. He discovers Glee. And the Internets. And Glee on the Internets.
Dudes! I broke 6,000 words!!
Also, as I was coding this (it took forever, omg!) I noticed that Dean signs his LJ posts with "That is all." Hey! I do that too! Except, weirdly, I wrote this fic before I had ever even had a Livejournal. Huh.
In celebration of both Glee and Supernatural returning to our TVs next week - I give you "United Here, Somehow".
Title: United Here, Somehow
Author: dodger_sister
Fandom: Supernatural (and kinda sorta Glee)
Category: General, Humor
Characters/Pairing: Dean & Sam (and Fandom)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild Language, abuse of Fandom and Dean talking about lesbian sisters.
Spoilers: Mild for Season 1 of Glee and Season 5 of Supernatural.
Summary: Dean needs an outlet. He finds “Glee”.
Word Count: 6,144 words.
Date Written: 05/11/2010
Disclaimer: “Supernatural” belongs to Eric Kripke and The CW. “Glee” belongs to Ryan Murphy and Fox. This story, however, is all mine. I make no money off it.
Mini-Disclaimer: Since I’m not like fully immersed in Glee-dom, or even LJ for that matter, just yet, I disclaimer all the names of the journals and stuff I put in here. On the off chance that any of this exists, um, sorry, my bad. Except for Fandom Wank and Live Journal - those are real things. Also, if lesbiansisters.com is a real site, then I say wtf people.
Beta’d: Nope.
Author's Notes: My cousin, all of fifteen, wrote her first fan-fiction like two months ago. In it, Dean was making Sam sing along to “Don’t Stop Believin”. Sam mocks him. My response was - DEAN is SO OBSESSED with GLEE! Omg. You are a genius. How did I not think of that? Because Sam doesn't know, but Dean secretly watches it every week. And if he misses an episode, he downloads it on the laptop while Sam is asleep and if Sam catches him, Dean is all embarrassed and Sam thinks he must have caught him watching porn, but no - it's Glee. Dean secretly watches it and loves it. Dean secretly wants Puck and Rachel to get together. Dean secretly wants to bang the counselor lady and probably the blonde cheerleader. Dean secretly waits and waits for them to do an AC/DC song. Dean secretly writes Glee fan-fiction. Omg. I am going to think about this all forever.
Dedication: To The Cousin. Her school choir just had their spring concert. And she had a duet and dude, I am so not kidding, she blew them all out of the water. I can’t believe she can sing like that and she isn’t even old enough to drive yet. I am so proud of her for being brave enough to do that. So this is for her. Also, side note, to liptonrm, for setting me up on LJ for my birthday and screaming at me to stop being a pussy and rejoin Fandom already. I did and now I thank her.
Dean hadn’t meant for this to happen.
It was never his intention to let it go this far.
It’d all just gotten out of hand so fast.
And it wasn’t like he could just sit by and do nothing. Not when he could do something.
He had to do something.
Because anyone who thought that Rachel should be with Finn was just stupid. And clearly, insane.
***
Okay, so it’s not like Dean was waiting all summer with bated breath for the premiere of “Glee”. But sometime toward the end of the summer, he saw his first promo pop up when he turned on his laptop to look at porn. It happened three more times. Sam was always out and Dean was using his time wisely - lesbianssisters.com anyone? - but after the third time, Sam still wasn’t back yet and the homepage Dean had returned to - yeah, he’d learned to stop leaving the porn sites open, it pissed Sam off for some reason - was urging him to watch this scene from Fox’s new hit show “Glee” and okay, so the cheerleaders were hot and Dean still had some juice in him.
He would never regret having clicked on the link.
And he would never regret that the next day, he got out the laptop and watched it again before surfing around until he found a premiere date.
Finding a way to watch the first episode, and every episode after that, without Sam finding out had proved to be difficult.
But Dean was nothing if not persistent.
For the first time, he found himself wishing he had one of those IPods like Sam had. Then he could download the songs from the show and the episodes to watch whenever Sam was off doing whatever Sam went off to do.
When they weren’t stopping the Apocalypse and all.
***
It didn’t take long for Dean to start trolling the internet for spoilers - yeah, that’s what they call it when you want to know things about the show before it actually airs. Most people complained about spoilers, but Dean loved them. He could pretend it was nice to have something to think about other than the Apocalypse and the whole Angel/Demon War thing, but the truth was, he was just impatient.
He didn’t like having to wait a week for his next fix.
***
He found a chat forum pretty early on. He was glad because he really needed to bitch to people about the absurdity of the whole Chastity Club thing and omg - that’s right, Dean was spelling things with letters like a fourteen year old girl, OMG and BTW and WTF - because seriously, dude, someone needed to give Finn a swirly. Dean had never been one to go around shoving other people’s heads in the toilet, just never found bullying to do that much for him when he could go smite a poltergeist instead, but Finn, even Dean wanted to flush the little douchebag. Why was he such a dweeb? Finn needed to get laid. Dean was sure that would solve the problem.
He was gratified when several people agreed with him. Some people, chicks from junior high school Dean was sure, called him a dorkwad and told him to beat it, that he sounded as much like a dick as Puck.
Dean didn’t understand how that was an insult. Puck was the man.
***
Once, Sam almost caught him.
Dean was surfing around, looking at cast pictures and scrounging up a few fan-vids - yeah, Dean was on YouTube - when Sam came back from the library.
“Dude,” Dean said, and slammed the laptop shut.
Sam stopped with the door still partially open, a half-amused, half-horrified look on his face.
“Were you watching porn?”
“No,” Dean said hastily, then opened the laptop just enough to peak at the screen and shut down the open pages.
“Dude,” Sam said.
“Shut up.”
Dean started to stand and Sam took a step back. “Your pants had better be zipped, dude.”
“Shut up,” Dean said again and shut the laptop off without meeting Sam’s eyes.
***
Eventually, Dean started ranting on the forums about how Emma, the adorable but way too uptight school counselor, also needed to get laid.
And how Rachel should totally date Puck, - yeah, he totally called it before the show writers even did. Couldn’t they all see that was where it was going? Slushie tossing was just foreplay.
Then someone, glee_is_squee, suggested Dean try venting these things through fan-fiction.
Dean asked, Where is that? Cuz I’m just outside Lexington right now.
glee_is_squee sent him a link and holy hell, people wrote stories about this shit.
Dean told Sam he was going to the bar to hit on chicks. He went to the library, fully intending to stay for an hour before actually heading off to the bar to hit on chicks. Instead, Dean stayed until the library closed and the nice, kind of hot for a librarian in her forties, let him stay until she was ready to leave herself.
“What were you reading?” she asked as she locked the front door and Dean held her purse/bag/thing for her - what did she have in there anyway, her kitchen sink?
“It wasn’t porn,” Dean said quickly and then blushed under the street light.
She just smiled sweetly at him and Dean wondered if she was going to call him honey and pat his arm.
“It’s…It’s called fan-fiction,” he said and it sounded weird to him.
I am Dean Winchester. I hunt monsters, went to Hell and my best friend is an Angel. Also, I read Glee fan-fiction, he thought in his head.
Then he noticed the nice, kind of hot librarian was gawking at him and later Dean would wonder how his love for the Puck/Rachel had actually gotten him laid.
***
The next day he wrote his first story about the new brash rebel student showing Emma that there were good things about sharing bodily fluids.
He posted it on a place called Fanfiction.net. He got twelve comments.
Twelve.
Dean didn’t know if that was good by Fandom standards - yeah, Fandom is what the Internets called the community of people who all got together to share views on their favorite show/movie/book. And yeah, Dean was spelling it Internets now, with an s - but it was more comments than Dean had gotten during three semesters of high school creative writing, which he only took to pick up geeky book chicks anyway. Geeky book chicks were always hard up for some boy action.
Unfortunately, the twelfth comment told him that Marty-Stus sucked.
Dean asked if that was some sort of fruity alcoholic drink that sorority girls ordered and then thanked the guy/girl for his advice and recommended some purple nurples.
The guy/girl - Dean was learning most of these people were actually 30-something women - told him that Marty-Stus, or Mary-Sues for the chicks, were when someone inserted themselves into the story and made themselves way too good to be true. No one is that awesome, joyjoy_boytoy told him.
Dean scoffed. I am, he responded.
glee_is_squee was watching the posting of Dean’s first fic and interjected before Dean could start something Squee called a flame war. Dean thought flame war sounded like fun, but then he looked it up and begrudgingly admitted he just didn’t have the time to invest in something that didn’t pertain to actual fire.
Not when he had a real salt and burn to tend to, with the flame.
And the whole Apocalypse thing, with the war.
***
After that, both glee_is_squee and Dean’s new friend, torn_to_pieces - Dean refrained from asking her if she had actually been torn to pieces, because well, Dean had, but he supposed the point of this whole thing was to not be Dean the Angel Condom for like five seconds - suggested he get a LiveJournal.
Dean responded with, Dude, I like you guys but a three way internet sex thing? I don’t know. Can I think about it? Will there be video?
torn_to_pieces replied with, Dude, you’re wicked funny, you should share with the class. Get an LJ!
glee_is_squee answered with, yeah, he’s not joking there Torn, he really thinks everything on the Internet goes back to porn.
Dean hit reply all and said, it totally does and 2 people who write nothing but Brittany/Santana and Kurt/Puck in all adult form really oughta shut it.
Then he went and googled LiveJournal.
After Dean wrote a complimentary drabble wherein Rachel made them all take ballet classes for their dance routines and Puck saw how very, very limber Kurt was and then decided maybe he’d gone through all the girls in school anyway, glee_is_squee agreed to help Dean get started. She also made him icons - one of Puck that read I am The Awesome, one of Emma that read Bodily Fluids are Gross and one of Santana that read You Wish, Loser.
Now Dean had a place to vent on a daily basis. About all kinds of things.
Anything.
And, oh yeah, Dean still hadn’t quite gotten over the end of “Battlestar Galactic” or the fact that “Torchwood” had killed off Rose. And seriously, did “Leverage” actually think it was “Hustle”?
Also, Dean liked to talk about pie and where he could find the best bacon cheeseburgers and why are lesbian sisters so hot and did anyone catch the high school cheerleading competition on ESPN2 - yeah, Dean hadn’t even been embarrassed when Sam had caught him watching that because, dude, cheerleaders, and yeah okay, high school girls but looking wasn’t illegal, at least not when it was on ESPN2 and yeah, Dean was a pervert but if God was okay with that then so was he - and when, oh when, would Glee do an AC/DC song?
He gave himself the online name of my_Impala_wins.
And he friended all the Glee communities he could find.
And he made a poll for which classic rock artist they should feature on “Glee” - Dean was floored when Blue Oyster Cult won by a landslide.
And, oh yeah, Dean liked LiveJournal.
***
glee_is_squee told him that he should post his story on his LJ.
Dean was terrified, which was saying something, because look what he did for a living.
Dude, no way, Dean told her, I get Marty-Stued, whatever the hell that means. What does that mean?
Dean didn’t normally care what people thought of him.
He didn’t.
But these internet people could be crazy sometimes and without his charming smile to placate the masses, he really felt kind of defenseless.
glee_is_squee sent him a link and Dean found out that Mary-Sues/Marty-Stus were really just badly written original characters that seem far too perfect and from what Dean could tell, made you want to punch them in their perfectly pretty little faces.
It was just too bad no one knew him in real life or they would totally see that his character had been based on his own inherent-awesomeness.
torn_to_pieces assured him that people could write actual decent original characters and that Dean just needed to tone it down a bit.
Dean tried. He also changed the character to be one of the Mikes - wait, he looked it up and found that one of the Mikes was actually named Matt - because he figured the kid was good-looking and totally slick on the dance floor and he could absolutely bang the school counselor if he wanted.
He was still terrified.
Don’t be a pussy, you big pussy *g*, glee_is_squee told him. I’ll hold your hand.
Dude, get off me, Dean replied. Go jerk yourself off or write some more gay porn, you douchebag *g* - and yeah, Dean uses letters inside asterisks now to signify facial expressions. What of it?
glee_is_squee responded with, you’re a loser, you loser. But your fic is good. Post it to your LJ or die, sucker. Kisses!
So Dean posted it to his LJ.
And waited.
He got twenty-two comments this time and someone from someplace called Glee ReMix: The Odd Pairings LJ totally recced his story.
Dean was so happy, he let Sam pick the music for the next two days.
He just didn’t tell him why.
***
After that Dean wrote a story where Puck and Finn had to stop a haunting in the school library, a story where Brittany discovered her inner punk-goddess and started a punk rock band with Artie, a story where Will died in a car accident and Emma’s grief was only comforted by Puck’s penis and then later she counseled him into believing he could go to college - Dean totally channeled his inner Sammy for the last three scenes of that fic - and one where Kurt helped Mr. Schue realize that his problem with women was that he was totally, totally gay - glee_is_squee wanted it to end with some hardcore porn between the two of them, but instead Kurt and Mercedes took him to a gay bar and then proceeded to own the place with their awesomeness. And Mr. Schue went home with some shaggy-haired kid named Sam. Dean told his three BFFs - number three was cheerios_are_milk - that Sam was based on his brother, who though he claimed to be straight as the line, clearly was only as straight as the drunken line.
And then laughed uproariously with himself and thought what a bitch-face Sam would put on if he knew Dean was talking smack about him on the Internet.
Already though, Sam was getting more play in Dean’s fan-fiction than he gotten in real life in like forever. Even if it was with the shiny-haired Mr. Schuester.
***
Then one day, the inevitable happened.
Dean went out for burgers - well, a burger for himself, a nice green chick salad for Sam - and came back to find Sam sitting in front of the laptop.
Smirking.
Sam had one leg crossed over the other, arms folded on his chest, and the biggest stupidest grin on his face that Dean had ever seen.
Shit.
“So,” Sam said smugly, “Your Impala wins, huh?”
“Course she does,” Dean said briskly. “My baby rules,” but he could feel the horrible, horrible lump swelling in his throat.
Sam was going to ruin this for him.
“Glee, Dean? Really?”
Crap. Crap. Crappitycrapcrap.
Had he left the page open? He was sure he hadn’t. He was completely paranoid about that.
“Need to empty your browser history once in a while,” Sam told him, like he knew what Dean was thinking.
Dean got a beer from the mini-fridge and sat down hard on the end of the bed.
“Can we just pretend you didn’t see that and go on with our miserable existence of a life?” Dean asked sullenly, knowing there was no way in Hell or Earth or Hell on Earth that Sam was ever going to let this go.
“What did this Finn kid ever do to you?” Sam asked.
“He just irks me,” Dean said vehemently, and then looked down at the floor.
“And Battlestar Galactica? Oh, I’m sorry,” Sam said, and that big stupid smirky grin was back in place, “I meant BSG. Seriously, dude, let it go.”
“Starbuck is not an angel. Castiel is an angel. If Castiel looked like freaking Katee Sackhoff, I would totally be doing him right now.”
Well, at least that got the stupid smirk off Sam’s stupid face.
“Can we please just let this go? We started the Apocalypse. The world is ending. Lucifer walks amongst us. We’re Angel condoms. Can I please just have this?” He knew he sounded whiny and desperate and he felt utterly ashamed at admitting that the dumbass Internet was the one good thing in his life at the moment.
Oh, God, when would the world end already?
“So all the times you’ve been going out for beer and chicks, where have you really been going?” Sam asked, and his voice seemed quieter, maybe less mocking.
“Library,” Dean mumbled and then to save some face, “Found a totally hot fan-girl librarian and nailed her in the Impala.”
“Really?” and there was a tiny bit of awe in Sam’s voice, like when they were teenagers and Dean would report which popular cheerleader he had totally banged that week. It felt kind of good. It’d been a long time since Sam had anything good to say about Dean’s antics with the fairer sex.
“I just don’t like being Dean Winchester very much these days,” he admitted and caught Sam nodding in response.
“Okay,” and then a pause before Sam asked, “What’s fan-fiction?”
Dean groaned.
This was a nightmare.
***
Sam let it go for two whole days. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t ask a single question after Dean had explained fan-fiction and turned all kinds of shades of red and completely lost his appetite, but hey, he was Dean, so he ate his burger anyway.
Sam didn’t mock him or poke at him or make smug comments.
For two whole days.
It was killing Dean. The suspense, the wait, was worse than the mocking was ever going to be. He was sure of it.
He was wrong.
***
“So, all your best friends in the world are 30-something women behind a computer screen?” Sam asked outside of Deer Creek, Illinois.
“I’m not twelve. I don’t have a best friend and we don’t wear little heart lockets declaring it so. If I did, it’d be you, Sammy. You know that. And sadly, Cas. The others, they are just names on a screen.”
“Liar,” Sam said. “You tell them things. Not I kill monsters and have a special angel friend, but things. Stuff you don’t tell me. And fun stuff. Good stuff. They’re your friends.”
“Fine,” Dean grumbled, “Whatever,” and then added, “I’m pretty sure Cheerio is a guy.”
***
“Um, hello?” Sam said, as they were passing through Milford, Nebraska.
“What?” Dean asked and peered out the front window of the Impala. “Did I miss a turn off or something?”
“Dude, I just had a thought.”
“Don’t strain yourself there, Sammy.”
“When are they going to give Tina some serious stage time?”
“What?!”
“Um, hello, when are they going to give Tina some serious stage time. She’s totally hot.”
“I hate you. Stop memorizing my LJ.”
Sam snickered. “O. M. G., you just said LJ.”
“Die.”
***
“You’re totally prettier than Mr. Schuester,” Sam told him in a diner in Hillsdale, Michigan.
***
“Hey, isn’t Glee set in Ohio?”
On their way to Wellington, Ohio.
***
“Too bad Gabriel didn’t slap us into Glee. You could have totally done it with that Emma chick. Or Puck. Plus, singing.”
On their way back from Wellington, Ohio.
***
“You should totally write a story where the pretty boy angel with the big anime eyes kicks Starbuck’s ass.”
At a rest stop near Wilmington, North Carolina.
“First of all, anime eyes?”
Sam just shrugged. “He does.”
“Uh-huh,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows at Sam. “Secondly, Starbuck, angel or not, would totally kick Castiel’s ass. End of discussion. New topic.”
“Why are you obsessed with Puck’s penis?”
***
“Dude, you have a total crush on this Emma chick. Do you carry a picture of her in your wallet and tell people she’s your girlfriend?”
Just outside of Morrison, Oklahoma.
***
“New episode of Glee tonight! O-m-g, dudes.”
Passing through Mulvane, Kansas.
***
“What do you mean they’re going on hiatus? W-T-F? How will you not die? Will you die? Will Castiel have to go get you and bring you back because you died from no Glee? Your life will be Glee-less.”
Driving along I-135.
“Don’t joke about hiatus, Sammy,” Dean said, in all seriousness. “I probably won’t get to see them go to Regionals because we will probably be dead by the time hiatus is over. Or the Apocalypse will be upon us and the whole freaking cast of Glee will be dead and you know what? That’ll be on us.”
Sam didn’t mock for an entire 39 hours after that.
***
“What the hell, Dean?!” Sam asked, in a motel room in Leyden, Wisconsin. “What the hell is Mr. Schuester doing going home with…with…”
“You,” Dean supplied and grinned at his little brother. “You need to get laid, Sam. Since you aren’t actually taking care of that, I thought I’d handle it for you.”
“I’m not gay. Stop telling people I’m gay.”
“Internets people don’t count. And don’t be a homophobe.”
“I couldn’t have hooked it up with someone…cooler?”
“Puck?”
“I hate you.”
“You love me, Sammy. And all Will Schuester would have to do is sing some Enya or some bullshit and you’d be all over that.”
“Die.”
“Already did.”
***
One night, Dean got drunk.
And logged on to LJ.
He wrote, Angels are dicks. Seriously. Warriors of God, my ass. More like Douchebags of God. WTF, dudes. They give you cancer and take your brother’s lungs. Plus, total boundary issues, dude. Watch me while I sleep? TF!
And Prophets, total alcoholics. I’m not even kidding. I mean, I get why. Front seat to the Apocalypse can not be pretty, but still, dude. And also, our lives are not for public consumption. This is why I have a total problem with RPS. Not here for your amusement.
Except that’s not even the same. Because other than names, that’s mostly fictional. But Prophets, that bullshit really happened.
To people.
Also, why are angels so hot? Except Zach. I hate that guy.
That is all.
Pie.
In the morning, Dean logged onto his journal and found a flurry of comments to the post he barely remembered making.
glee_is_squee said, Hey, are you drunk? Stop projecting your family’s issues on your LJ. We talked about this. You don’t have to follow their great plan. Did you have a fight with that girlfriend of yours? C? Tell her to stop quoting the Bible at you. Go write some porn and don’t drunk-LJ anymore.
cheerios_are_milk said, Dude, Mellow. You have to let this whole Starbuck thing go.
torn_to_pieces said, Honey, angels don’t actually watch over you while you sleep. That’s just a saying.
Someone named lucy_is_my_sister said, I take offense at that. Angels are not dicks. Maybe their family just has as many issues as yours. Did you ever think about that? Also, prophets are the Angels’ bitches, so be nice. Share some porn.
There were some what the hells and some dude, I used to totally like you but I can’t deal with all the religion and some oh yeah, cuz you hang out daily with angels. Or prophets, for that matter, and some I love how people talk about religion like they know God’s gospel truth, and of course, just because RPS isn’t your thing, doesn’t mean you have to be such a dick about it. Seriously. Don’t take it so personally. It’s not like they are writing about you.
Then someone named go_Mavericks_go said, Dude, fair warning, take it down before you get wanked.
Dean was pretty pissed. At himself, for drunkenly LJ-ing everywhere. At the Angels for totally being dicks. But mostly at people, for not ever knowing anything what was actually happening around them. And calling him out on the RPS, like they know what it’s like to have people writing stories where you have lots of gay sex with your brother.
It was enough to make him want to start the Apocalypse. Again.
So he wrote back. I like being wanked. Are you offering? Seriously, LJ is kinda full of pervs. Not that I’m complaining.
go_Mavericks_go wrote back. Fandom Wank will put up a copy of your thread and all the crazy comments herein (and just get drunk again tonight and respond to all of them, because trust me, the day is still early and more are coming) and see how long it takes for you to be dubbed amongst the crazies. There was a link to a place called Fandom Wank Lives.
Dean didn’t even bother to click it. Maybe I want to get wanked. Maybe then more people will see that Angels are dicks! Because they are. Hot dicks. Except Zach, I hate that guy.
Mafia_Rulz jumped in with, Is it an RPG? Is it like some porn thing? Why are angels hot and dicks? Seriously, where can I get this game?
go_Mavericks_go had one final thing to say. You want to get wanked? Done.
Later, when Dean finally had a chance to open the laptop again, he clicked the link for this Fandom Wank thing and found my_Impala_wins was already on the page.
And even though fandom wanking sounded good in theory, turns out, not so much.
Dean signed onto LJ and wrote, I apologize. I was drunk. And we’ve been doing all this Bible research at work. My uncle has this…Library of Science - and okay, Sam might of come up with that one for him - and we’ve been doing all this work study crap and then I got drunk and then I LJ-ed and well, um, yeah. I’ve been working too much.
Prophets are fairly cool. At least they give good advice on end of the world scenarios. (Toilet paper, people - treat it like it’s gold, because it will be).
And Angels have boundary issues. But they save your ass when you need it, so, whatever. I’ll call a truce.
Seriously, I promise, no more drunk LJ-ing.
- Impala
Dean stayed off LiveJournal for awhile and instead worked on his very first AU.
The Glee kids work at a copy store. Puck keeps leaving his underwear on the copy machine. Artie secretly sells fake IDs. They have a rivalry going with the kids from Vocal Adrenaline, who work at the Kinkos across the street. And they all just randomly break into song at inopportune moments - Dean went with a theme and made all the music Metallica songs.
***
Dean and Sam had taken a nasty case involving ghouls who were actually attending high-school. Dean hated ghouls. They were gross. And he hadn’t forgotten their last entanglement with the filthy creatures.
The job had sucked and he’d totally wanted to LJ at the school’s computer when Sam was off pretending to be a math teacher or some shit, but the school computer had a block on it and wouldn’t access LiveJournal. Just because some perverts totally write porn on it.
They’d finally killed the damn things, cleaned up the mess - Dean showered for two hours afterwards - and Sam was already talking about the next gig when Dean finally broke.
“Man, I just need some downtime, okay?” he said bitterly.
What he couldn’t tell Sam was that they were giving out Glee Fan-Fic awards on some LJ community this week and Dean’s fic “Night Flight” - oh yeah, that was a Led Zeppelin title, bitches - was totally nominated in the Horror category. The whole school was trapped inside while zombies tried to force their way in. Coach Sue led the rebel army, mostly made up of Glee kids and molotov-cocktails.
Several people had pushed for it to be included in the Angst category as well - because the response to Kurt’s mother returning from the dead and him letting her in even though she already knew she was getting hungry and then having to shoot her but Puck said he’d do it but then at the last second Kurt did it himself - had totally been tears omg I sobbed and stuff like that.
Someone told him they thought it could totally place in Comedy also, because well, Coach Sue kept yelling at the zombies you think being undead is hard, try being trapped in here with Will Schuester, that’s hard! And also, Emma became a zombie and while she was still lucid, endlessly complained about her own body’s icky-ness.
Dean’s three BFFs totally said they would have voted for it in the Adult category, - Sue got it on several times with Puck, usually during scenes where they talked at great lengths about what guns they would totally use in this situation if they had any guns. Also, Dean threw Will and Emma a bone and let them hook it up before she became all un-dead - but Dean knew his friends were mostly just happy he had gone back to his roots of the whole NC-17 Het thing. Though glee_is_squee didn’t understand why he never wrote adult slash - Dean was fine with the boy-on-boy lovin’ and he was more than fine with the girl-on-girl lovin’, he just hadn’t quite worked himself up there yet.
Write what you know, his creative writing teacher had said.
So anyway, he didn’t relish being trapped in a car with Sam for two days, talking about the new case and waiting for Castiel to show up and inform them of their next move on the whole Apocalypse thing, when he could totally be watching his LJ and waiting on award announcements. Not for the first time, Dean contemplated giving glee_is_squee his phone number so she could call him on fandom things when he had to actually, you know, save the world and shit.
“That’s okay, Dean,” Sam said slowly. “We should probably take some sleep time when we can get it. Castiel could show up at any minute and want us to go off to Lebanon or some shit.”
“Lebanon?”
Sam shrugged. “Yeah, or like 1953 or something.”
Dean threw himself down on the bed. “Dude, seriously, our lives.”
But Sam was already pulling clothes out of his bag and heading for the shower.
“Go change your clothes,” he told Dean. “Put on a nice button-up and a pair of jeans without any holes in them. I wanna take you somewhere.”
Dean kicked at his brother as he walked past toward the bathroom. “You asking me on a date, Sammy?”
“Shut up, Dean. Trust me. You’ll like this.”
Sam showered. Dean changed.
***
“It’s the school,” Dean said morosely, because it probably still smelled like ghoul in there. “Why are we here? Why did I have to wear nice clothes to clean up ghoul intestines?”
But Sam was getting out of the car already, so Dean followed.
That’s when he noticed the crowd of people heading inside. He followed his brother, who slid the man at the door a couple of bucks and took a playbill.
Dean snatched it from his hand.
Homer Community School Presents: A Night of Song
The Glee Club’s “Tune Up”
“What the hell, Sammy?” but Sam was already snatching the playbill back and shoving his brother inside.
Once they were in the auditorium, Dean slouched in his seat and scowled at Sam. “You don’t have to give me so much shit. I ask for one thing in this world. You’re ruining my Glee.”
“I’m not giving you shit, Dean. And sit up straight.”
A group of girls walked by, - Dean was guessing freshman - waved at Sam and giggled. “Hi, Mr West,” they all said in that creepy unison way that teenage girls have.
“Hello, girls,” Sam said politely, and Dean realized they all still thought he was the substitute math teacher.
“Do your homework?” Sam asked them.
They all giggled again and said, “Yes, sir,” in unison and Sam grinned and told them to enjoy the rest of their night.
“Dude,” Dean said, “Those girls were totally crushing on you.”
“Those girls, Dean, are fourteen years old, so calm down.”
“I’m just saying.”
But then the lights went down and the junior high kids came out on stage and Dean shut up.
***
The junior high choir was quite bad. They sang some crap that sounded like it came off the CW’s “One Tree Hill” - and God, Dean hated that show, even if he watched it like everyday - and Dean was pretty sure there was some Maroon 5 in there and definitely some disco. And not even good disco, like Abba.
But then the high school kids came on stage, in their black and white outfits and sunglasses and stood with their heads bowed until the music started, and Dean sat up a little straighter in his chair.
The first song was an old one, the Beach Boys, but from what Dean could tell it was about stealing a car, so he went with it.
The next song was definitely country and some girl in a little western style skirt, with a little twang in her voice, sang about the wild frontier and angels and Dean realized it was about death and he suddenly missed Castiel a whole lot.
But it was the third song that got him. Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Lodi” and Dean was sitting straight up in his seat now.
After “Lodi”, the rest of the choir fell back and a young boy sat down and picked up a guitar, while a young girl joined him on the next stool.
They sang “Growin’ Up” by Bruce Springsteen and one verse in, Dean turned to Sam and mouthed the words “Holy shit,” at him.
The choir followed it with two mash-ups, one of “I’ll Stand By You/Lean On Me” and one of The Beatles “A Hard Day’s Night/Help!”.
Then there was some song that was definitely a boy band hit and involved a lot of dancing. And something that sounded like it came off of Sam’s Ipod - Dean’s mind said “Lifehouse” or “3 Doors Down” - and then the choir went into their final song.
Bon Jovi’s “Blaze of Glory”.
As the last notes rang in his ears, Dean turned to Sam and said, “Thank you, Sammy. I so needed this.”
Sam just smiled and hauled his brother out before the principal could corner him and ask him to fill in for the math teacher for another week.
***
In the car, Sam asked Dean if he wanted to listen to the “Glee” soundtrack on the way back to the motel and then waved his IPod at Dean.
“You didn’t?!” Dean cried, like the ridiculous fan-boy he had become.
“Of course I did,” Sam told him and plugged it in. “But lest you become confused, I will still be with all the mocking.”
When Dean just stared at him, Sam smiled and started the car. “You’re my brother, Dean. You deserve good things too.”
And Dean thought it might not be the worst thing to let Sam in on some of the better things once in awhile.
Because there were better things.
Dean had just been looking in the wrong place all along.
***
Coda:
So, maybe Sam hadn’t been checking Dean’s browser history that day. Maybe he had signed on to livejournal.com for his own personal reasons and found it already logged into.
Under the name of my_Impala_wins.
So, Sam had started reading - completely forgoing the update on his next chapter in his epic Gilmore Girls fic wherein Rory got pregnant in high school by Jess but then Lorelai and Luke ended up taking joint custody of the baby so that Rory could go to Yale.
And the next week my_Impala_wins got friended by one Enter_Samman.
You should write a Gilmore Girls crossover, Enter_Samman told my_Impala_wins.
I don’t really know that show that well, my_Impala_wins had responded. I think my little brother watches it.
So Enter_Samman wrote a fic where Lane joined the jazz band and ended up drumming for the glee club and totally fell in love with Matt, but you know, he isn’t a Christian, so what the hell was she going to tell her mother.
my_Impala_wins said, Dude, crossovers rule! Look, a fic dedicated to me! But I like the guy Lane dated who went on to the O.C.
Enter_Samman said, This fic is set before the Dave-years. Don’t worry. I’m all about Dave/Lane 4evah!
my_Impala_wins and Enter_Samman became good friends.
And Sam hoped the world stayed spinning long enough for him to take Dean to a summer Glee convention - he heard the cast were booked to do a performance of some of their more popular songs.
Plus, Jane Lynch was totally going to be there and Sam was kind of crushing.
Of course, Sam had no delusions. He knew that the world was still ending and Lucifer still wanted to wear him and Michael was still pounding on Dean’s door and Bobby was still in a wheelchair and their friends were still dying and Castiel was still hovering on their shoulders like a creepy angel stalker.
And also, he knew one day he would forget to log out of LiveJournal and come back from getting dinner, only to find Dean all legs-crossed and arms-folded and smirking at him.
But at least they were in this together now.
The End