Fic: Words And Meanings - SPN, R, Dean/Cas + Sam, Crack, Humor
So, I wrote this back in 2010, during the mass writing spree I went through then, back when Cas was a lot more stilted about human things. It's a silly little cracky piece with some FML!Sam. I thought I'd finally get around to posting it. 1,922 words. Enjoy!
Title: Words And Meanings
Author: The Artful Dodger / dodger_sister
Fandom: Supernatural
Category: Crack, Humor
Characters/Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam
Rating: R
Warnings: Language, Talk of Sexual Situations
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Castiel doesn’t get Dean’s slang words at all. Sam has to explain, much to his dismay.
Word Count: 1,922 words
Date Written: 05/02/2010
Disclaimer: “Supernatural” belongs to Eric Kripke and The CW. There’d be some naked Dean/Cas if it belonged to me. This story is all mine though.
Feedback: Bring it. dodger_sister / TheArtofDodger@comcast.net
Beta’d: Nope.
Author's Notes: I don’t think Castiel would actually have a problem getting Dean’s “slang” the way he clearly has a problem getting all of Dean’s pop culture references. But I found this too funny to leave alone. Also, the Sam & Cas friendship moments kind of snuck up on me. I like them.
The waiter stopped abruptly next to their booth, the pot of coffee resting near his hip, his eyes darting back and forth between the check in his hand and Dean’s face.
“Would you like some more…”
“Yes,” Dean grinned. “We would all love some more coffee,” and he almost winked at the man.
The waiter rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded like, “Waste of my fricking time, dude,” before pouring more coffee into each cup and slumping off.
“Dean,” Sam said from the other side of the table and scrunched up his eyes at his brother.
“What?! That guy’s been trying to hustle our asses out of here for like an hour,” Dean grumbled and picked up his coffee. He didn’t really want it, but damn if he’d say that to Sam now.
“We have been here for one hour and forty-three minutes,” Castiel informed them from the spot next to Dean.
Dean and Sam both blinked at him.
Cas shifted his eyes down and away and said, “It seems an uncustomary amount of time for us to linger.”
“Something else you want to be doing instead?” Dean asked and trailed his fingertips along the back of Castiel’s neck.
Sam looked back down at his open laptop and typed away furiously at the keys.
Cas shrugged at Dean and answered, “I don’t have anywhere else to be at the moment, no.”
Dean chuckled and then sat back in the booth. “Good. Glad you’re sticking around today. Then we have all the time in the world and the waiter doesn’t need to be a dick about it.”
Castiel shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Dean either didn’t notice or didn’t care, so Sam nudged the angel with his foot. “You alright there, Cas?”
Castiel nodded, then looked sheepishly up at Sam. “I don’t…is it customary for one’s mate to talk about other people’s genitals?”
Dean spit his coffee out across the table, drops of hot liquid dripping down his chin. Sam jerked his head from Cas to Dean and then back to Cas.
“What?” both Winchesters asked at the same time.
Castiel turned to look at Dean, his cheeks red but his eyes blaring. “You told me I couldn’t so much as look at someone else and here you are remarking on that man’s penis.”
The woman in the booth behind them choked and coughed.
“I…what?”
“You said he is a dick.”
“Yeah, because he’s acting like a jerk,” Dean said, skin still burning from where the coffee had splattered across his face.
“But…” and Castiel hesitated, crinkled up his eyes. “You told me dick means a man’s penis. You said Come on, Cas, want to see your dick, get it out and I said I don’t understand what you mean and you said your dick, want to touch it and then we stared at each other and you said your penis, Cas, I want your penis, dick means penis. So then were you or were you not just speaking of that man’s genitals or were you calling him a penis because he is clearly not an actual penis,” and Castiel stopped abruptly, face red, though Sam was sure it was from anger and not embarrassment.
Slang confused the angel more often than not.
Dean shook his head, looked down at his coffee. “It means, like, asshole, or whatever. I wasn’t talking about his actual dick, Cas. Jesus.”
“Asshole?” and the angel looked down at Dean’s butt and then back up again.
“God,” Sam groaned out and slammed his laptop shut. “Alright, listen up, Cas, cuz I’m only gonna say this once. Sometimes words have double meanings. Like the word bolt. It can mean to secure something or it can mean to run away. Or the word buckle. It means to hold in tight but it also means to collapse. And it’s the thing on your belt.”
“Did you pull those out of the B section of the dictionary, Sammy” Dean said with a grin.
“Do you want to field this one?” Sam asked as he turned his full scowl on his brother.
Dean threw his hands up in retreat.
“Anyway,” Sam went on with all the patience he could muster, because Castiel put up with a lot from Dean, and Sam wanted to help. He really did. Just, not exactly like this. “The word dick also has several meanings. It can be a nickname for the name Richard. It can mean a man’s penis. It can also mean someone who is rude and insensitive and well, a jerk.”
Sam waited patiently while Castiel thought it over. “And asshole means the same thing?”
“Yes.”
“Because I was told your asshole is the thing I put my dick in, Cas.”
Sam groaned and Dean chuckled.
“Then why,” Castiel went on, “are all these male body parts also used as derogatory words? I don’t understand.”
Sam thunked his head down on the laptop.
“It’s probably back from a time when male privates were thought to be like taboo or something,” Dean said and Sam was glad he had finally decided to join in. “You know, before like the 70’s and stuff.”
“So, you weren’t remarking on our waiter’s penis then?”
Dean smiled and batted his eyelashes at Cas. “Never.”
Castiel smiled back. “I apologize then. And Sam,” and the youngest Winchester looked up. “Thank you for explaining it to me. That was very helpful.”
“You’re welcome,” Sam muttered and drank the rest of his coffee. “Didn’t really need to know that much about your sex life though.”
“Dean tells me these things are private. I apologize.”
“S’okay,” Sam said, shrugging. “Dean already tells me more than I want to know.”
Dean smirked at his little brother. “I just like to make you all uncomfortable and shit.”
“I noticed,” Sam grumbled and started packing up his things.
“So, Cas,” Dean said and slid closer to the angel in their side of the booth. “Have you found that book you wanted to get for Bobby yet?”
Castiel’s eyes went wide and his lips pursed upwards. “Bobby’s book. It slipped my mind,” and he tilted his head slightly. “I must have been distracted.”
Sam snorted. “Yeah, big surprise there.”
Dean scowled at Sam. “Whatever, dude. At least Cas and I have our own room now.”
“Yep. Glad of it. All tucked away in your own room. People coming and going without even bothering to say hello and goodbye anymore.” He hadn’t meant to sound like a petulant child when he said it. In fact, he hadn’t meant to say it at all.
“Jealous much? Want your own special friend, Sammy?” Dean teased.
“I am Sam’s special friend,” Castiel told him, in all seriousness.
Dean’s grin disappeared instantly and Sam couldn’t help but laugh. “When he says special, Cas, he means the naked kind of special. You and I are just friends. You and Dean are special friends.”
“I thought we were lovers,” the angel said, perplexed.
“Dude,” Dean groaned out, “What is this, a Sandra Brown novel?”
“What?” Sam asked when Cas just sat there.
“She writes romance novels,” Dean told him and then turned back to Castiel. “Guys don’t use words like that, Cas. But don’t worry about it,” and Dean waved his hand in the air like that was all there was to the matter. “Just don’t forget the kind of friend you are to Sam is different than the…relationship you and I have. Okay?”
“Yes, Dean. I understand,” and then Castiel turned to Sam. “What did you mean when you said that people never say hello or goodbye?”
Sam shrugged, slightly embarrassed. “It’s fine, Cas. I mean, you miss Dean when you’re gone. It’s no big deal.”
“Your body language says that it is a big deal. I may not understand all the ways humans have warped these many languages, but body language is one thing that hasn’t changed since the beginning of time. And you, Samuel, are upset.”
“Just only know you’ve gone again when I get in the car in the morning and you don’t join us,” and Sam distracted himself by sifting through his wallet for enough cash to pay the bill.
“I always tell Dean to extend my goodbye to you, Sam. It is usually night and you look so peaceful sleeping and you barely do it enough. I can’t bear to wake you,” and Castiel turned a raised eyebrow on Dean. “You do not tell him when I say these things, Dean?”
“What do you want, for me to give him goodbye kisses from you?”
“No. I don’t believe I ever said anything about kisses,” and Castiel looked downright pissed off.
“Cas,” Sam said and reached across the table to tug at the angel’s sleeve. “It’s cool, man. Don’t worry about it. Really.”
“You,” Castiel said and jabbed a finger at Dean, “are a dick.”
Sam laughed hard, until he’d forgotten about any neglect he’d felt at all from his friend. This was one reason he liked having Castiel around, after all.
Dean waited for Castiel to turn his glare away and for Sam to stop laughing like a fucking hyena before declaring, “So, Cas, today’s Sunday, which means I’m going to clean all my weapons.”
“You clean your weapons on Sunday?” Sam asked him, still smiling. “Is it like a holy thing or something?”
“Shut up, Sam,” and then Dean leaned in closer to Castiel. “I know how you hate watching me when I do that.”
“I don’t hate it, Dean. You should be more careful with your words. Hate is a strong one and couldn’t possibly be used along with anything you do. It’s not my favorite of things, but watching you do it is not a hateful experience for me.”
Dean had shame enough to blush at this and finger the fold of Castiel’s collar.
“Okay, Lifetime much, dude? Anyway,” and Dean pushed on through his embarrassment, “Sam’s got some stuff to do at the library and I was thinking, maybe you could go with him.”
“You don’t want me to stay with you?” Castiel asked and his lips went slightly slack as he looked over at Dean. “Because I called you a dick?”
“No. Of course not. I am a dick. Mostly. And yeah, I want you to stay with me,” Dean reassured him. “But we’ll have plenty of time later. You like the library, right?”
“I do.”
“And also, maybe Sam could help you locate that book for Bobby. Maybe through the wonders of the Internet.”
Sam looked at Dean, scrunched up his eyes when he noticed Dean not looking back at him.
“Dean, really…” Sam started.
“Sam,” Dean cut him off. “He’s been looking for this book for weeks. Help him out. All these obscure third world shops and tombs and I bet he could find it on eBay.”
Sam recognized the gesture for what it was and gave Dean a grateful smile. “Yeah, okay. Cas, do you want to go to the library with me while Dean cleans his guns?”
Castiel leaned until the top of his head was pressed against the side of Dean’s face. “That would be very nice, Sam. Thank you,” and then the angel smirked at Sam, actually smirked, and added, “Perhaps we can get some sort of dictionary that explains all of Dean’s special words to me. Do they make such a thing?”
Sam winked at the angel, making sure Dean saw it and then said, “Let’s find out,” before sliding out of the booth.
Castiel followed.
The End
Title: Words And Meanings
Author: The Artful Dodger / dodger_sister
Fandom: Supernatural
Category: Crack, Humor
Characters/Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam
Rating: R
Warnings: Language, Talk of Sexual Situations
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Castiel doesn’t get Dean’s slang words at all. Sam has to explain, much to his dismay.
Word Count: 1,922 words
Date Written: 05/02/2010
Disclaimer: “Supernatural” belongs to Eric Kripke and The CW. There’d be some naked Dean/Cas if it belonged to me. This story is all mine though.
Feedback: Bring it. dodger_sister / TheArtofDodger@comcast.net
Beta’d: Nope.
Author's Notes: I don’t think Castiel would actually have a problem getting Dean’s “slang” the way he clearly has a problem getting all of Dean’s pop culture references. But I found this too funny to leave alone. Also, the Sam & Cas friendship moments kind of snuck up on me. I like them.
The waiter stopped abruptly next to their booth, the pot of coffee resting near his hip, his eyes darting back and forth between the check in his hand and Dean’s face.
“Would you like some more…”
“Yes,” Dean grinned. “We would all love some more coffee,” and he almost winked at the man.
The waiter rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded like, “Waste of my fricking time, dude,” before pouring more coffee into each cup and slumping off.
“Dean,” Sam said from the other side of the table and scrunched up his eyes at his brother.
“What?! That guy’s been trying to hustle our asses out of here for like an hour,” Dean grumbled and picked up his coffee. He didn’t really want it, but damn if he’d say that to Sam now.
“We have been here for one hour and forty-three minutes,” Castiel informed them from the spot next to Dean.
Dean and Sam both blinked at him.
Cas shifted his eyes down and away and said, “It seems an uncustomary amount of time for us to linger.”
“Something else you want to be doing instead?” Dean asked and trailed his fingertips along the back of Castiel’s neck.
Sam looked back down at his open laptop and typed away furiously at the keys.
Cas shrugged at Dean and answered, “I don’t have anywhere else to be at the moment, no.”
Dean chuckled and then sat back in the booth. “Good. Glad you’re sticking around today. Then we have all the time in the world and the waiter doesn’t need to be a dick about it.”
Castiel shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Dean either didn’t notice or didn’t care, so Sam nudged the angel with his foot. “You alright there, Cas?”
Castiel nodded, then looked sheepishly up at Sam. “I don’t…is it customary for one’s mate to talk about other people’s genitals?”
Dean spit his coffee out across the table, drops of hot liquid dripping down his chin. Sam jerked his head from Cas to Dean and then back to Cas.
“What?” both Winchesters asked at the same time.
Castiel turned to look at Dean, his cheeks red but his eyes blaring. “You told me I couldn’t so much as look at someone else and here you are remarking on that man’s penis.”
The woman in the booth behind them choked and coughed.
“I…what?”
“You said he is a dick.”
“Yeah, because he’s acting like a jerk,” Dean said, skin still burning from where the coffee had splattered across his face.
“But…” and Castiel hesitated, crinkled up his eyes. “You told me dick means a man’s penis. You said Come on, Cas, want to see your dick, get it out and I said I don’t understand what you mean and you said your dick, want to touch it and then we stared at each other and you said your penis, Cas, I want your penis, dick means penis. So then were you or were you not just speaking of that man’s genitals or were you calling him a penis because he is clearly not an actual penis,” and Castiel stopped abruptly, face red, though Sam was sure it was from anger and not embarrassment.
Slang confused the angel more often than not.
Dean shook his head, looked down at his coffee. “It means, like, asshole, or whatever. I wasn’t talking about his actual dick, Cas. Jesus.”
“Asshole?” and the angel looked down at Dean’s butt and then back up again.
“God,” Sam groaned out and slammed his laptop shut. “Alright, listen up, Cas, cuz I’m only gonna say this once. Sometimes words have double meanings. Like the word bolt. It can mean to secure something or it can mean to run away. Or the word buckle. It means to hold in tight but it also means to collapse. And it’s the thing on your belt.”
“Did you pull those out of the B section of the dictionary, Sammy” Dean said with a grin.
“Do you want to field this one?” Sam asked as he turned his full scowl on his brother.
Dean threw his hands up in retreat.
“Anyway,” Sam went on with all the patience he could muster, because Castiel put up with a lot from Dean, and Sam wanted to help. He really did. Just, not exactly like this. “The word dick also has several meanings. It can be a nickname for the name Richard. It can mean a man’s penis. It can also mean someone who is rude and insensitive and well, a jerk.”
Sam waited patiently while Castiel thought it over. “And asshole means the same thing?”
“Yes.”
“Because I was told your asshole is the thing I put my dick in, Cas.”
Sam groaned and Dean chuckled.
“Then why,” Castiel went on, “are all these male body parts also used as derogatory words? I don’t understand.”
Sam thunked his head down on the laptop.
“It’s probably back from a time when male privates were thought to be like taboo or something,” Dean said and Sam was glad he had finally decided to join in. “You know, before like the 70’s and stuff.”
“So, you weren’t remarking on our waiter’s penis then?”
Dean smiled and batted his eyelashes at Cas. “Never.”
Castiel smiled back. “I apologize then. And Sam,” and the youngest Winchester looked up. “Thank you for explaining it to me. That was very helpful.”
“You’re welcome,” Sam muttered and drank the rest of his coffee. “Didn’t really need to know that much about your sex life though.”
“Dean tells me these things are private. I apologize.”
“S’okay,” Sam said, shrugging. “Dean already tells me more than I want to know.”
Dean smirked at his little brother. “I just like to make you all uncomfortable and shit.”
“I noticed,” Sam grumbled and started packing up his things.
“So, Cas,” Dean said and slid closer to the angel in their side of the booth. “Have you found that book you wanted to get for Bobby yet?”
Castiel’s eyes went wide and his lips pursed upwards. “Bobby’s book. It slipped my mind,” and he tilted his head slightly. “I must have been distracted.”
Sam snorted. “Yeah, big surprise there.”
Dean scowled at Sam. “Whatever, dude. At least Cas and I have our own room now.”
“Yep. Glad of it. All tucked away in your own room. People coming and going without even bothering to say hello and goodbye anymore.” He hadn’t meant to sound like a petulant child when he said it. In fact, he hadn’t meant to say it at all.
“Jealous much? Want your own special friend, Sammy?” Dean teased.
“I am Sam’s special friend,” Castiel told him, in all seriousness.
Dean’s grin disappeared instantly and Sam couldn’t help but laugh. “When he says special, Cas, he means the naked kind of special. You and I are just friends. You and Dean are special friends.”
“I thought we were lovers,” the angel said, perplexed.
“Dude,” Dean groaned out, “What is this, a Sandra Brown novel?”
“What?” Sam asked when Cas just sat there.
“She writes romance novels,” Dean told him and then turned back to Castiel. “Guys don’t use words like that, Cas. But don’t worry about it,” and Dean waved his hand in the air like that was all there was to the matter. “Just don’t forget the kind of friend you are to Sam is different than the…relationship you and I have. Okay?”
“Yes, Dean. I understand,” and then Castiel turned to Sam. “What did you mean when you said that people never say hello or goodbye?”
Sam shrugged, slightly embarrassed. “It’s fine, Cas. I mean, you miss Dean when you’re gone. It’s no big deal.”
“Your body language says that it is a big deal. I may not understand all the ways humans have warped these many languages, but body language is one thing that hasn’t changed since the beginning of time. And you, Samuel, are upset.”
“Just only know you’ve gone again when I get in the car in the morning and you don’t join us,” and Sam distracted himself by sifting through his wallet for enough cash to pay the bill.
“I always tell Dean to extend my goodbye to you, Sam. It is usually night and you look so peaceful sleeping and you barely do it enough. I can’t bear to wake you,” and Castiel turned a raised eyebrow on Dean. “You do not tell him when I say these things, Dean?”
“What do you want, for me to give him goodbye kisses from you?”
“No. I don’t believe I ever said anything about kisses,” and Castiel looked downright pissed off.
“Cas,” Sam said and reached across the table to tug at the angel’s sleeve. “It’s cool, man. Don’t worry about it. Really.”
“You,” Castiel said and jabbed a finger at Dean, “are a dick.”
Sam laughed hard, until he’d forgotten about any neglect he’d felt at all from his friend. This was one reason he liked having Castiel around, after all.
Dean waited for Castiel to turn his glare away and for Sam to stop laughing like a fucking hyena before declaring, “So, Cas, today’s Sunday, which means I’m going to clean all my weapons.”
“You clean your weapons on Sunday?” Sam asked him, still smiling. “Is it like a holy thing or something?”
“Shut up, Sam,” and then Dean leaned in closer to Castiel. “I know how you hate watching me when I do that.”
“I don’t hate it, Dean. You should be more careful with your words. Hate is a strong one and couldn’t possibly be used along with anything you do. It’s not my favorite of things, but watching you do it is not a hateful experience for me.”
Dean had shame enough to blush at this and finger the fold of Castiel’s collar.
“Okay, Lifetime much, dude? Anyway,” and Dean pushed on through his embarrassment, “Sam’s got some stuff to do at the library and I was thinking, maybe you could go with him.”
“You don’t want me to stay with you?” Castiel asked and his lips went slightly slack as he looked over at Dean. “Because I called you a dick?”
“No. Of course not. I am a dick. Mostly. And yeah, I want you to stay with me,” Dean reassured him. “But we’ll have plenty of time later. You like the library, right?”
“I do.”
“And also, maybe Sam could help you locate that book for Bobby. Maybe through the wonders of the Internet.”
Sam looked at Dean, scrunched up his eyes when he noticed Dean not looking back at him.
“Dean, really…” Sam started.
“Sam,” Dean cut him off. “He’s been looking for this book for weeks. Help him out. All these obscure third world shops and tombs and I bet he could find it on eBay.”
Sam recognized the gesture for what it was and gave Dean a grateful smile. “Yeah, okay. Cas, do you want to go to the library with me while Dean cleans his guns?”
Castiel leaned until the top of his head was pressed against the side of Dean’s face. “That would be very nice, Sam. Thank you,” and then the angel smirked at Sam, actually smirked, and added, “Perhaps we can get some sort of dictionary that explains all of Dean’s special words to me. Do they make such a thing?”
Sam winked at the angel, making sure Dean saw it and then said, “Let’s find out,” before sliding out of the booth.
Castiel followed.
The End