(no subject)
So, though its fantastically well-past the new year that I spent both sick AND frumped up in the house with bad PMS making me go "NEW YEARS IS STUPID AND I HATE YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND WHAT, YOU JUST INVITED ME OUT? I'M SURE I'LL HAVE A MISERABLE TIME BECAUSE I PRETTY MUCH HATE YOU EVEN THOUGH I REALLY DON'T SO THERE." (sometime after midnight, it passed, and I happily snugged my boyfriend who was just having a BLAST dealing with me -- thank god he doesn't care about holidays or new years), I figured, hey, maybe I should say something about this last year.
And then I realized that even though I'm not inverting my esophogus and peeling it out of my throat with every cough now and my period has come and gone, I still don't care that much that its another year -- I dislike landmarks because they just remind me of people I wish I'd stayed in touch with when I pull up something old and go "holy shit, that one funny text I saved was from 2007 -- its been THAT LONG /cry". Time moves too fast and I'd rather not think of all of my missed connections through its course. Its depressing, really. If I didn't think that some things or some moments in my life were so distant, maybe I'd have more confidence in revisiting them. Even now, there are people I want to contact, but then I realize that its 2011 and "shit, has it really been that long?" and though I don't think a line dropped would be unwelcome... I feel terrible about it and then lose the balls (girl-testes, if you will), to do anything about it.
But there's no sense in whining over my incabality versus what I CAN do to thwart my own self. :)
Is that a resolution? Not really. I'm bad at goal-setting and tend to be really day-by-day and a goal I set to complete a year from now may be forgotten tomorrow. If anything, a goal for today should be to actually remember today before I wake up and it'll miraculously be 2014. With the way time passes, I'll be thirty with only a journal entry to show for it. D:
And then I realized that even though I'm not inverting my esophogus and peeling it out of my throat with every cough now and my period has come and gone, I still don't care that much that its another year -- I dislike landmarks because they just remind me of people I wish I'd stayed in touch with when I pull up something old and go "holy shit, that one funny text I saved was from 2007 -- its been THAT LONG /cry". Time moves too fast and I'd rather not think of all of my missed connections through its course. Its depressing, really. If I didn't think that some things or some moments in my life were so distant, maybe I'd have more confidence in revisiting them. Even now, there are people I want to contact, but then I realize that its 2011 and "shit, has it really been that long?" and though I don't think a line dropped would be unwelcome... I feel terrible about it and then lose the balls (girl-testes, if you will), to do anything about it.
But there's no sense in whining over my incabality versus what I CAN do to thwart my own self. :)
Is that a resolution? Not really. I'm bad at goal-setting and tend to be really day-by-day and a goal I set to complete a year from now may be forgotten tomorrow. If anything, a goal for today should be to actually remember today before I wake up and it'll miraculously be 2014. With the way time passes, I'll be thirty with only a journal entry to show for it. D: