THEY ARE CALLED TRANSITION LENSES, DOC. WHY IS THIS A THING YOU KEEP FORGETTING?
So this is a conversation that happened. And now there's art. And I may eventually write a thing. I am so sorry.
half_life_wolf: "YOUR FIC PROMOTES ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS BOO HISS"
half_life_wolf: and I'm like WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS FROM HAVE I REALLY FAILED THAT HARD???
doctorv: Pluh! People will interpret weird shit into your writings no matter what, but it sometimes says more about them than you or your writings.
doctorv: Like the people who see cocks and whatever in Disney films. My brain is pretty much a gutter 24/7 and I'll watch the same stuff like "What, really? REALLY? WHERE?! WHERE ARE THE COCKS IN THIS MOVIE?? I CAME HERE FOR COCKS, GODDAMMIT, AND THERE IS AN EXTREME SHORTAGE OF PENII!"
half_life_wolf: Haha I know right. People do just see what they want to see, sometimes.
[...]
doctorv: I was going to say it makes the baby Jesus cry, but then I thought it should be more topic-relevant.
doctorv: So I thought "baby grammar Nazi"?
doctorv: So then I thought "grammar Hitler"?
doctorv: And...then I decided maybe baby Jesus was relevant enough and maybe I should not allow my brain to tangent.
half_life_wolf: Or maybe "it makes grub!Equius cry"?
half_life_wolf: Idk bro your tangents are as good as mine.
doctorv: I GODWIN'S LAWED MYSELF! D:
...D'awww.
doctorv: Grub!Equius has no business being as adorable as he is.
half_life_wolf: I know, right.
half_life_wolf: All of the grubs are bloody adorable, I can't stand it.
[...]
(Discussing Karkat.)
doctorv: I...am unfortunate enough to have an overabundance of parenting instincts, so I want to hug him and bake him cookies and tell him everything will be okay, you just stay there while I go have a chat with that Mr. Noir fella who's been bothering you. >:|
half_life_wolf: Every time he cries on screen I die a little more inside all Oh, my heart, come away from the mean people bb. I just want him to get a happy ending so bad.
doctorv: I'm still holding out hope for some sort of deus ex machina bringing everyone back and making everyone happy. Which...I guess the Scratch (Doc Scratch? lulz) counts as that. Ha. ^_^ I'm just really hoping that's what happens with it.
half_life_wolf: At the very least I want Karkat and John to have hilarious dream bubble shenanigans. This is all I want out of life right now.
doctorv: YES. They should meet in person (which I think it was implied early on that this would eventually happen?) and Karkat should bitch at John and John should laugh and hug him and HEARTS AND RAINBOWS EVERYWHERE, OKAY? WITH SPARKLES.
half_life_wolf: And then bro hugs and Con Air marathons and John not being not a homosexual forever please. Santa I have been so good this year.
doctorv: SO MANY movie marathons, and it is my personal headcanon that John will actually be pretty quick on the uptake when he's introduced to the quadrants through cinema. Also yes, hugs. All the hugs. ALL of them.
half_life_wolf: John will impress Karkat by becoming a troll romance movie buff. He probably likes the blackrom ones too because there are lots of explosions.
doctorv: Karkat's little teenage troll hormones will NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE John being so good at cultural sensitivity.
half_life_wolf: ...I can just see him swooning like some southern belle over John's sudden inexplicable acceptance of and genius with troll romcoms. And being imminently frustrated over human sexuality.
doctorv: K: WHY DO YOU HAVE SO FEW QUADRANTS AND WHY ARE THEY SO STUPID?!
J: /shrug idk dude, you guys made them
K: OH FUCK THIS IS ALL ERIDAN'S FAULT.
half_life_wolf: Karkat would insist that they watch human romcoms eventually for research purposes. John is all 'bluh' over it but Karkat is... intrigued. Despite himself. STUPID SAPPY HUMAN ROMANCE, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DISGUSTING, NOT APPEALING, WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS. >:|
doctorv: HAHAHA oh god, movie nights just got WEIRD, with Karkat watching to watch shitty human romcoms and John wanting to watch shitty troll kismeflicks, and no one will watch movies with them anymore because the popcorn fights have gotten EPIC.
doctorv: (Also fuck you, I kinda want to write this, now. "John and Karkat watch shitty movies" is not a real plot! ...Er, except for that one fic that was wonderful and completely consisted of just that. Oh god just ignore my babblings here.)
doctorv: Alsoalso, I am copyrighting the term "kismeflicks," right now, I want you to know. ;P
half_life_wolf: No no but see. It is a real plot if there is porn at the end. (This is what fandom has taught me. If they hook up in the end then IT IS A REAL STORY FOREVER.)
half_life_wolf: Also that is a good term and you should feel good about yourself for it.
doctorv: *collapses with laughter*
doctorv: Is it sad that that kind of lines up with my half-joking assertion that it's not a real fandom unless there's a kinkmeme? XD
half_life_wolf: No, because kink memes are possibly my favorite thing about organized fandom.
half_life_wolf: The Homestuck meme in particular is glorious.
doctorv: Oh my god, they ARE. It's...holy shit, since I first found them I think there have been two new posts for it and that is the FASTEST I've ever seen a meme move.
half_life_wolf: When I got here in January we were on meme iteration two. Now it's up to five and there is no end in sight. This is utterly inconceivable to me, but fantastic.
doctorv: Very much so. I actually swore to myself, when I first started reading them, that I wouldn't write anything. I wouldn't prompt and I wouldn't write, because that way lies madness and worldbuilding, which I apparently am incapable of NOT doing. Pff, yeah THAT went out the window pretty damn fast.
half_life_wolf: I hear you there. Worldbuilding is the trap that I too appear to have fallen into, it is insidious. >.>
doctorv: It is a disease, like writer-flu. It fills up your head with details-snot and makes you sneeze them out onto the tissue of notepad.
doctorv: ...Gimmie a minute, I'm sure I can think up a metaphor for puke, here. *squint*
half_life_wolf: Fffffft that is already a goddamn excellent metaphor.
half_life_wolf: I am impressed.
doctorv: *bow* I thank you.
doctorv: I am of the opinion that tiny, stupid, throwaway details are what MAKE a world. I...think I may've already babbled about this in a comment on your hookerverse or something. ...But it's still true!
half_life_wolf: Heee. Yes, you have, and I still agree with you. Throwaway details are what trick people into believing that there's a whole world out there full of this nonsense, somewhere, and you've got a window into it.
doctorv: *snaps fingers* I got it! Vomiting up a multicolored cornucopia of history and geography brimming with details phlegm.
doctorv: \o/
doctorv: Yes!
half_life_wolf: ...That is legitimately beautiful.
half_life_wolf: *applauds*
doctorv: *laugh* I...kinda want to copy/paste some of this shit into my LJ.
doctorv: I'm so proud of it. It's my metaphor baby, birthed from my brain-womb, and underneath all the slime it is adorable.
half_life_wolf: You should. You should copy all of these metaphors into LJ and share them with the world.
doctorv: ...Though I'll admit I think I stole the idea of a brain-womb from somewhere in another fandom.
half_life_wolf: It happens. The hive-mind is also an insidious thing.
doctorv: Trufax.
doctorv: (I am going to some day name a copy-shop "Trufax" in some sort of written something. I swear this.)
half_life_wolf: That would be the best name for something like that ever.
half_life_wolf: If that were a real place I would walk by there every day and laugh my ass off.
doctorv: I would go in and steal SO MANY business cards for the place and just...USE them in every day conversation.
half_life_wolf: Can you imagine how many ironic internet hipsters would try to get jobs there just for the hell of it?
half_life_wolf: There would be an epidemic of college-age kids in Trufax uniforms hanging out at pretentious coffee shops and record stores and shit.
doctorv: *snicker* Oh man, it would be the hippest hangout place in town. The owners have no idea why there are teenagers all up ins, but as long as they keep paying for those xeroxes that is just fine and oh holy shit is that a TATTOO of the store's logo? Free advertising! :-D
half_life_wolf:I like to think the higher-ups would have named it that in a tongue in cheek kind of way, but none of the branch managers understand.
half_life_wolf: Everyone is clueless except a small but very loyal percentage of the customers.
doctorv: Oh god this is too glorious a thing to not exist in something. I need to fucking write something to put this in. WTF can I write that this would fit in?! D: There are no zombies anywhere and that is my main source of non-fic creativity!
half_life_wolf: ...There could be zombies?? Zombies attacking the local Trufax? Or maybe Dave likes to hang out there, he's a hipster coolkid.
doctorv: Hahahahaha, oh god, Eridan WORKS there. And he wears his work shirt when he's not at work.
half_life_wolf: ...Oh Christ. Yes, of course he does, he was unable to resist. Dave is jealous that Eridan got the hipster job, he's stuck unironically working at McDonald's.
doctorv: He gets some pretty interesting anecdotes working there, though. And the first time anyone tries a fire in the hole, they end up with a sword through their engine.
half_life_wolf: John totally works there too and is hilariously inept. They decided to get a summer job together but he keeps accidentally jamming the milkshake machine and Dave is not allowed to wear his shades with his uniform and it is all just a big mess.
doctorv: ...So I went from wondering if he could get a doctor's note to thinking he could maybe get those glasses that tint in the sun and he keeps going out to sweep the parking lot long enough to get them dark to Dave In Glasses. Like, REAL glasses. For seeing things not-blurry. *_*
half_life_wolf: ...I approve of this mental image, yes I do. He and John are glasses buddies!
doctorv: Nnnh, where's my penciiiiil, I want to draw this. D:
half_life_wolf: DO IT, BRO.
doctorv: IGNORE MY WEIRD FETISHES, OKAY. I AM DOING THIS.
half_life_wolf: NO MAN I APPROVE ENTIRELY.
half_life_wolf: MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
doctorv: (It's extra weird as a fetish since I legit need glasses to see things. How does that even work?)
And then I went away for a weekend and oh my god you guys I have a coconut I need to crack open and eat from. This is in no way topic-relevant, but I just saw it a second ago when I was getting water and it occurred to me that coconuts ARE a thing that goes bad. So yeah. Also holy shit, how much snot is actually capable of fitting in my body??? THE ANSWER MAY SURPRISE YOU!!!!
Alsoalsoalso, I think that in this AU where I guess everyone just works shitty minimum wage jobs and that's the AU theme, Karkat works at the local movie theater and John TOTALLY DOESN'T FLIRT WITH HIM SO HE'LL GET JOHN IN FOR FREE, OKAY? It's not flirting, it is just completely platonic hetebrosexual joking around and Karkat is a great buddy for letting him watch that new Nic Cage movie like a bajillion times so John takes him out for McDonalds afterward and uses his employee discount. (OKAY I AM A DELICATE AND IMPRESSIONABLE FLOWER, HERE, FOLKS AND I DO NOT NEED MORE PLOT BUNNIES, HOLY SHIT. Also, Terezi has been fired from every craft supply store in town and a Bed, Bath, & Beyond.)
half_life_wolf: "YOUR FIC PROMOTES ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS BOO HISS"
half_life_wolf: and I'm like WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS FROM HAVE I REALLY FAILED THAT HARD???
doctorv: Pluh! People will interpret weird shit into your writings no matter what, but it sometimes says more about them than you or your writings.
doctorv: Like the people who see cocks and whatever in Disney films. My brain is pretty much a gutter 24/7 and I'll watch the same stuff like "What, really? REALLY? WHERE?! WHERE ARE THE COCKS IN THIS MOVIE?? I CAME HERE FOR COCKS, GODDAMMIT, AND THERE IS AN EXTREME SHORTAGE OF PENII!"
half_life_wolf: Haha I know right. People do just see what they want to see, sometimes.
[...]
doctorv: I was going to say it makes the baby Jesus cry, but then I thought it should be more topic-relevant.
doctorv: So I thought "baby grammar Nazi"?
doctorv: So then I thought "grammar Hitler"?
doctorv: And...then I decided maybe baby Jesus was relevant enough and maybe I should not allow my brain to tangent.
half_life_wolf: Or maybe "it makes grub!Equius cry"?
half_life_wolf: Idk bro your tangents are as good as mine.
doctorv: I GODWIN'S LAWED MYSELF! D:
...D'awww.
doctorv: Grub!Equius has no business being as adorable as he is.
half_life_wolf: I know, right.
half_life_wolf: All of the grubs are bloody adorable, I can't stand it.
[...]
(Discussing Karkat.)
doctorv: I...am unfortunate enough to have an overabundance of parenting instincts, so I want to hug him and bake him cookies and tell him everything will be okay, you just stay there while I go have a chat with that Mr. Noir fella who's been bothering you. >:|
half_life_wolf: Every time he cries on screen I die a little more inside all Oh, my heart, come away from the mean people bb. I just want him to get a happy ending so bad.
doctorv: I'm still holding out hope for some sort of deus ex machina bringing everyone back and making everyone happy. Which...I guess the Scratch (Doc Scratch? lulz) counts as that. Ha. ^_^ I'm just really hoping that's what happens with it.
half_life_wolf: At the very least I want Karkat and John to have hilarious dream bubble shenanigans. This is all I want out of life right now.
doctorv: YES. They should meet in person (which I think it was implied early on that this would eventually happen?) and Karkat should bitch at John and John should laugh and hug him and HEARTS AND RAINBOWS EVERYWHERE, OKAY? WITH SPARKLES.
half_life_wolf: And then bro hugs and Con Air marathons and John not being not a homosexual forever please. Santa I have been so good this year.
doctorv: SO MANY movie marathons, and it is my personal headcanon that John will actually be pretty quick on the uptake when he's introduced to the quadrants through cinema. Also yes, hugs. All the hugs. ALL of them.
half_life_wolf: John will impress Karkat by becoming a troll romance movie buff. He probably likes the blackrom ones too because there are lots of explosions.
doctorv: Karkat's little teenage troll hormones will NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE John being so good at cultural sensitivity.
half_life_wolf: ...I can just see him swooning like some southern belle over John's sudden inexplicable acceptance of and genius with troll romcoms. And being imminently frustrated over human sexuality.
doctorv: K: WHY DO YOU HAVE SO FEW QUADRANTS AND WHY ARE THEY SO STUPID?!
J: /shrug idk dude, you guys made them
K: OH FUCK THIS IS ALL ERIDAN'S FAULT.
half_life_wolf: Karkat would insist that they watch human romcoms eventually for research purposes. John is all 'bluh' over it but Karkat is... intrigued. Despite himself. STUPID SAPPY HUMAN ROMANCE, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DISGUSTING, NOT APPEALING, WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS. >:|
doctorv: HAHAHA oh god, movie nights just got WEIRD, with Karkat watching to watch shitty human romcoms and John wanting to watch shitty troll kismeflicks, and no one will watch movies with them anymore because the popcorn fights have gotten EPIC.
doctorv: (Also fuck you, I kinda want to write this, now. "John and Karkat watch shitty movies" is not a real plot! ...Er, except for that one fic that was wonderful and completely consisted of just that. Oh god just ignore my babblings here.)
doctorv: Alsoalso, I am copyrighting the term "kismeflicks," right now, I want you to know. ;P
half_life_wolf: No no but see. It is a real plot if there is porn at the end. (This is what fandom has taught me. If they hook up in the end then IT IS A REAL STORY FOREVER.)
half_life_wolf: Also that is a good term and you should feel good about yourself for it.
doctorv: *collapses with laughter*
doctorv: Is it sad that that kind of lines up with my half-joking assertion that it's not a real fandom unless there's a kinkmeme? XD
half_life_wolf: No, because kink memes are possibly my favorite thing about organized fandom.
half_life_wolf: The Homestuck meme in particular is glorious.
doctorv: Oh my god, they ARE. It's...holy shit, since I first found them I think there have been two new posts for it and that is the FASTEST I've ever seen a meme move.
half_life_wolf: When I got here in January we were on meme iteration two. Now it's up to five and there is no end in sight. This is utterly inconceivable to me, but fantastic.
doctorv: Very much so. I actually swore to myself, when I first started reading them, that I wouldn't write anything. I wouldn't prompt and I wouldn't write, because that way lies madness and worldbuilding, which I apparently am incapable of NOT doing. Pff, yeah THAT went out the window pretty damn fast.
half_life_wolf: I hear you there. Worldbuilding is the trap that I too appear to have fallen into, it is insidious. >.>
doctorv: It is a disease, like writer-flu. It fills up your head with details-snot and makes you sneeze them out onto the tissue of notepad.
doctorv: ...Gimmie a minute, I'm sure I can think up a metaphor for puke, here. *squint*
half_life_wolf: Fffffft that is already a goddamn excellent metaphor.
half_life_wolf: I am impressed.
doctorv: *bow* I thank you.
doctorv: I am of the opinion that tiny, stupid, throwaway details are what MAKE a world. I...think I may've already babbled about this in a comment on your hookerverse or something. ...But it's still true!
half_life_wolf: Heee. Yes, you have, and I still agree with you. Throwaway details are what trick people into believing that there's a whole world out there full of this nonsense, somewhere, and you've got a window into it.
doctorv: *snaps fingers* I got it! Vomiting up a multicolored cornucopia of history and geography brimming with details phlegm.
doctorv: \o/
doctorv: Yes!
half_life_wolf: ...That is legitimately beautiful.
half_life_wolf: *applauds*
doctorv: *laugh* I...kinda want to copy/paste some of this shit into my LJ.
doctorv: I'm so proud of it. It's my metaphor baby, birthed from my brain-womb, and underneath all the slime it is adorable.
half_life_wolf: You should. You should copy all of these metaphors into LJ and share them with the world.
doctorv: ...Though I'll admit I think I stole the idea of a brain-womb from somewhere in another fandom.
half_life_wolf: It happens. The hive-mind is also an insidious thing.
doctorv: Trufax.
doctorv: (I am going to some day name a copy-shop "Trufax" in some sort of written something. I swear this.)
half_life_wolf: That would be the best name for something like that ever.
half_life_wolf: If that were a real place I would walk by there every day and laugh my ass off.
doctorv: I would go in and steal SO MANY business cards for the place and just...USE them in every day conversation.
half_life_wolf: Can you imagine how many ironic internet hipsters would try to get jobs there just for the hell of it?
half_life_wolf: There would be an epidemic of college-age kids in Trufax uniforms hanging out at pretentious coffee shops and record stores and shit.
doctorv: *snicker* Oh man, it would be the hippest hangout place in town. The owners have no idea why there are teenagers all up ins, but as long as they keep paying for those xeroxes that is just fine and oh holy shit is that a TATTOO of the store's logo? Free advertising! :-D
half_life_wolf:I like to think the higher-ups would have named it that in a tongue in cheek kind of way, but none of the branch managers understand.
half_life_wolf: Everyone is clueless except a small but very loyal percentage of the customers.
doctorv: Oh god this is too glorious a thing to not exist in something. I need to fucking write something to put this in. WTF can I write that this would fit in?! D: There are no zombies anywhere and that is my main source of non-fic creativity!
half_life_wolf: ...There could be zombies?? Zombies attacking the local Trufax? Or maybe Dave likes to hang out there, he's a hipster coolkid.
doctorv: Hahahahaha, oh god, Eridan WORKS there. And he wears his work shirt when he's not at work.
half_life_wolf: ...Oh Christ. Yes, of course he does, he was unable to resist. Dave is jealous that Eridan got the hipster job, he's stuck unironically working at McDonald's.
doctorv: He gets some pretty interesting anecdotes working there, though. And the first time anyone tries a fire in the hole, they end up with a sword through their engine.
half_life_wolf: John totally works there too and is hilariously inept. They decided to get a summer job together but he keeps accidentally jamming the milkshake machine and Dave is not allowed to wear his shades with his uniform and it is all just a big mess.
doctorv: ...So I went from wondering if he could get a doctor's note to thinking he could maybe get those glasses that tint in the sun and he keeps going out to sweep the parking lot long enough to get them dark to Dave In Glasses. Like, REAL glasses. For seeing things not-blurry. *_*
half_life_wolf: ...I approve of this mental image, yes I do. He and John are glasses buddies!
doctorv: Nnnh, where's my penciiiiil, I want to draw this. D:
half_life_wolf: DO IT, BRO.
doctorv: IGNORE MY WEIRD FETISHES, OKAY. I AM DOING THIS.
half_life_wolf: NO MAN I APPROVE ENTIRELY.
half_life_wolf: MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
doctorv: (It's extra weird as a fetish since I legit need glasses to see things. How does that even work?)
And then I went away for a weekend and oh my god you guys I have a coconut I need to crack open and eat from. This is in no way topic-relevant, but I just saw it a second ago when I was getting water and it occurred to me that coconuts ARE a thing that goes bad. So yeah. Also holy shit, how much snot is actually capable of fitting in my body??? THE ANSWER MAY SURPRISE YOU!!!!
Alsoalsoalso, I think that in this AU where I guess everyone just works shitty minimum wage jobs and that's the AU theme, Karkat works at the local movie theater and John TOTALLY DOESN'T FLIRT WITH HIM SO HE'LL GET JOHN IN FOR FREE, OKAY? It's not flirting, it is just completely platonic hetebrosexual joking around and Karkat is a great buddy for letting him watch that new Nic Cage movie like a bajillion times so John takes him out for McDonalds afterward and uses his employee discount. (OKAY I AM A DELICATE AND IMPRESSIONABLE FLOWER, HERE, FOLKS AND I DO NOT NEED MORE PLOT BUNNIES, HOLY SHIT. Also, Terezi has been fired from every craft supply store in town and a Bed, Bath, & Beyond.)