(no subject)
Maybe it was the iced latte I had at 1 AM. Maybe it was the falling asleep on the floor. But caffiene doesn't tend to affect me for that long and I only fell asleep for a few seconds at a time. No matter what it is, I can't sleep.
Thoughts were flying through my head. That probably didn't help. Got myself worked up over something. Is it a coincidence that I found myself trying to swear to be determined to make a change to my habits at 5 AM on New Years Eve? I've never been a fan of resolutions. If you're going to change, change, don't wait for January 1st. On this occasion, however, the year's beginning happens to coincide with the decision to change.
Christina is one of the few that can attest to how shy I was in grade/middle school. If you thought I was quiet now or in high school, you hadn't seen anything. That aside, I've improved, but I'm still one quiet bastard. That's all well and good, and I don't intend to become a loud mouth, by any means. But certain things to need to change. Being a timid, passive person has obvious downsides. I find myself in situations I'd rather not be in, just because I let myself fall into them. Situations I do want to be in, I'm often not assertive enough to put myself into. Look before you leap, they say. Look before you leap. God damn, I'm tired of looking. My mother always says to me when she sees me staring off and zoning out, "You're thinking too much." That always bothered me, but boy is she right. I think too damn much. "Should I? Should I not? No? Yes. No. Yes? NO! Uh... Too late!" Enough of that. If I feel I should, I should. If it doesn't work out, so be it. If I have something to say, I should say it. If I embarrass myself, deal.
2007, much as I hate to go with the resolution thing, shall be a year of coming out! Er... no, not of the closet variety. Of the shell! I never broke out of my shell, I merely broke through with my little egg tooth and peeked out, beady little eye pressed to the hole. Where's this metaphore going? I don't know, it's 5:15 AM, for christ's sake.
So tempting to walk around the city. I'm in Chicago. Wandering around the windy city alone in the early hours of the morning sound like a bad idea? Honestly, I think I'm more likely to mug someone than most of the people in the area. It's a fairly decent spot, mostly old people and kids. There's an idea. Mugging someone will get me nice and tired.
Chicago's been nice. I wouldn't mind living here. Trains and buses can get you anywhere you need. Pretty, too. In the city sense of the word. Downtown, right by the water. South Street like shopping in another area. It's just missing a few key things. The eye candy isn't what it could be. It obviously lacks Wawa. And most importantly, it's not filled with all of the lovely people I prefer to be surrounded with. The 7 Friends Crew, and all those I associate with that, any South Jersians that prefer not to be associated with that, the wonderful members of AP ROKK!, my newfound Brothers and Sisters, and the random kids I find myself in the company of up at Rutgers.
Boy, I want sleep. I could stay up all night playing Warhammer, but I feel bad that Dave's trying to sleep a few feet away. He seems to be able to sleep through this just fine, though, and the traffic outside is louder than my typing, for the most part. Besides, I need to be able to survive through the day, and celebrate New Years in the city. Believe you me, I do wish I could be somewhere in Jersey for these festivities (speaking of which, I can't believe I had to miss a trip to Cherry's with everyone. THERE WILL BE A REPEAT!), but I have to make do with what I have. Dave want to get trashed. I'm with my siblings. Could be interesting figuring out what's going on tomorrow.
Anyway, yes. This post is mostly to serve as a reminder to myself that I did in fact make a New Years resolution. This shell is to be disposed of. I no longer want to regret opportunities missed. I want to take risks! Caution to the wind. To hell with over thinking matters. In about 18 hours, it will be 2007 (if that's wrong, I'm sticking with the early hours excuse). I don't intend to wait that long to begin these changes. However, there's no saying I'll have much of a chance to put them to use. Who knows.
Oh, and another thing while I'm here and being insomniatic (shut up, I can make up words if I want... unless that's a real word, and in that case, go me), I really want to get writing again. It's been so long since I puked creativity onto paper. Mm, what a romantic description of the writing process. I ALSO want to look into taking a photo course at Rutgers. Not sure how the whole art thing works there, but it's something to look into. Hell, with everything changing there, maybe I can actually major in it. But I'd still probably have to get accepted to Mason. Who knows.
Photos and writing. My creative juices have been stagnating, and now there's a gross film over them like old gravy! Got to stir 'em up, maybe microwave 'em to make sure it's edible. Oh god, another metaphore running away without me!
Excuse my spelling. Now to figure out what else to do while I can't sleep.
Thoughts were flying through my head. That probably didn't help. Got myself worked up over something. Is it a coincidence that I found myself trying to swear to be determined to make a change to my habits at 5 AM on New Years Eve? I've never been a fan of resolutions. If you're going to change, change, don't wait for January 1st. On this occasion, however, the year's beginning happens to coincide with the decision to change.
Christina is one of the few that can attest to how shy I was in grade/middle school. If you thought I was quiet now or in high school, you hadn't seen anything. That aside, I've improved, but I'm still one quiet bastard. That's all well and good, and I don't intend to become a loud mouth, by any means. But certain things to need to change. Being a timid, passive person has obvious downsides. I find myself in situations I'd rather not be in, just because I let myself fall into them. Situations I do want to be in, I'm often not assertive enough to put myself into. Look before you leap, they say. Look before you leap. God damn, I'm tired of looking. My mother always says to me when she sees me staring off and zoning out, "You're thinking too much." That always bothered me, but boy is she right. I think too damn much. "Should I? Should I not? No? Yes. No. Yes? NO! Uh... Too late!" Enough of that. If I feel I should, I should. If it doesn't work out, so be it. If I have something to say, I should say it. If I embarrass myself, deal.
2007, much as I hate to go with the resolution thing, shall be a year of coming out! Er... no, not of the closet variety. Of the shell! I never broke out of my shell, I merely broke through with my little egg tooth and peeked out, beady little eye pressed to the hole. Where's this metaphore going? I don't know, it's 5:15 AM, for christ's sake.
So tempting to walk around the city. I'm in Chicago. Wandering around the windy city alone in the early hours of the morning sound like a bad idea? Honestly, I think I'm more likely to mug someone than most of the people in the area. It's a fairly decent spot, mostly old people and kids. There's an idea. Mugging someone will get me nice and tired.
Chicago's been nice. I wouldn't mind living here. Trains and buses can get you anywhere you need. Pretty, too. In the city sense of the word. Downtown, right by the water. South Street like shopping in another area. It's just missing a few key things. The eye candy isn't what it could be. It obviously lacks Wawa. And most importantly, it's not filled with all of the lovely people I prefer to be surrounded with. The 7 Friends Crew, and all those I associate with that, any South Jersians that prefer not to be associated with that, the wonderful members of AP ROKK!, my newfound Brothers and Sisters, and the random kids I find myself in the company of up at Rutgers.
Boy, I want sleep. I could stay up all night playing Warhammer, but I feel bad that Dave's trying to sleep a few feet away. He seems to be able to sleep through this just fine, though, and the traffic outside is louder than my typing, for the most part. Besides, I need to be able to survive through the day, and celebrate New Years in the city. Believe you me, I do wish I could be somewhere in Jersey for these festivities (speaking of which, I can't believe I had to miss a trip to Cherry's with everyone. THERE WILL BE A REPEAT!), but I have to make do with what I have. Dave want to get trashed. I'm with my siblings. Could be interesting figuring out what's going on tomorrow.
Anyway, yes. This post is mostly to serve as a reminder to myself that I did in fact make a New Years resolution. This shell is to be disposed of. I no longer want to regret opportunities missed. I want to take risks! Caution to the wind. To hell with over thinking matters. In about 18 hours, it will be 2007 (if that's wrong, I'm sticking with the early hours excuse). I don't intend to wait that long to begin these changes. However, there's no saying I'll have much of a chance to put them to use. Who knows.
Oh, and another thing while I'm here and being insomniatic (shut up, I can make up words if I want... unless that's a real word, and in that case, go me), I really want to get writing again. It's been so long since I puked creativity onto paper. Mm, what a romantic description of the writing process. I ALSO want to look into taking a photo course at Rutgers. Not sure how the whole art thing works there, but it's something to look into. Hell, with everything changing there, maybe I can actually major in it. But I'd still probably have to get accepted to Mason. Who knows.
Photos and writing. My creative juices have been stagnating, and now there's a gross film over them like old gravy! Got to stir 'em up, maybe microwave 'em to make sure it's edible. Oh god, another metaphore running away without me!
Excuse my spelling. Now to figure out what else to do while I can't sleep.