i should not be left to my own devices
i notice things differently
like how people think it's funny that i laugh so hard that i cry and how that only leaves me vulnerable...once i've cried in a day, i am very likely to cry again, even if the first tears were laughter and the later ones far from it
like song lyrics that apply seem to stand out:
"everybody knows / that i am just barely getting by"
"sometimes i don't have the energy / to prove everybody wrong"
someone asked how i was, and i responded "all right"...i've been told i generally bypass the bs and say how i really am, none of that "fine" crap, but i was unprepared for the "wow, that's quite a positive self-assessment coming from you"
i need to be busy...this just sitting and staring a lot is driving me insane...i love my family (no, i really do, especially when dad woke me up so i wouldn't miss the game), but it's so lonely
i know my sleep debt puts me at a bankrupt level i could never repay, but i've been doing 8+ hours and very little to exhaust myself during the day, but i'm so tired...
i was very happy some of today, but i've crashed since then...people are not to be depended upon and i should know that...having faith in others is a waste of time and only setting myself up to be disappointed in them and myself for believing
i hate that i can just be generally unhappy without a good enough reason...i just want to melt into a restful calm for a while to recover
like how people think it's funny that i laugh so hard that i cry and how that only leaves me vulnerable...once i've cried in a day, i am very likely to cry again, even if the first tears were laughter and the later ones far from it
like song lyrics that apply seem to stand out:
"everybody knows / that i am just barely getting by"
"sometimes i don't have the energy / to prove everybody wrong"
someone asked how i was, and i responded "all right"...i've been told i generally bypass the bs and say how i really am, none of that "fine" crap, but i was unprepared for the "wow, that's quite a positive self-assessment coming from you"
i need to be busy...this just sitting and staring a lot is driving me insane...i love my family (no, i really do, especially when dad woke me up so i wouldn't miss the game), but it's so lonely
i know my sleep debt puts me at a bankrupt level i could never repay, but i've been doing 8+ hours and very little to exhaust myself during the day, but i'm so tired...
i was very happy some of today, but i've crashed since then...people are not to be depended upon and i should know that...having faith in others is a waste of time and only setting myself up to be disappointed in them and myself for believing
i hate that i can just be generally unhappy without a good enough reason...i just want to melt into a restful calm for a while to recover