Skeleton
This is the first really bad pain day I've had in a long time. This morning I thought it was from too much cleaning -- I've been sublimating most of my energy into housecleaning, determined to rid myself of CAPOS* by the time Grey gets home from his trip -- but it also feels as if some things in my body are changing, including my bones. Very likely they are. Testosterone increases bone density. I don't know why that should hurt, though.
Calling M. Munigant, I have some peppermint sticks for you.
This is the kind of day when I have to remind myself that opiates are a dastardly dead end for me. A literal dead end. If I were to get back on that shit, I wouldn't be able to be with Grey or Chris, I wouldn't be able to help my mom, I'd be sick all the time, I'd be counting pills and hoarding denial. I'd be useless. I don't even want opiates; the thought of them turns my stomach more than tempts me. I just want to stop hurting.
Must remember that these days are rarities now, not the norm. I am lucky. I know people who live with this kind of pain every day, forever. I used to. Lately I've been able to maintain a kind of detachment from the pain even when it got bad, but not today. Time has slowed down way too much for my taste. Send me spoons, please.
[ETA: A couple shots of Wild Turkey seem to have helped a bit. Perhaps I will continue to administer medicinal doses throughout the evening.]
*Can't Ask People Over Syndrome
Calling M. Munigant, I have some peppermint sticks for you.
This is the kind of day when I have to remind myself that opiates are a dastardly dead end for me. A literal dead end. If I were to get back on that shit, I wouldn't be able to be with Grey or Chris, I wouldn't be able to help my mom, I'd be sick all the time, I'd be counting pills and hoarding denial. I'd be useless. I don't even want opiates; the thought of them turns my stomach more than tempts me. I just want to stop hurting.
Must remember that these days are rarities now, not the norm. I am lucky. I know people who live with this kind of pain every day, forever. I used to. Lately I've been able to maintain a kind of detachment from the pain even when it got bad, but not today. Time has slowed down way too much for my taste. Send me spoons, please.
[ETA: A couple shots of Wild Turkey seem to have helped a bit. Perhaps I will continue to administer medicinal doses throughout the evening.]
*Can't Ask People Over Syndrome