And by You I probably mean Me
I was thinking about what ifs. those situations that you always picture going differently and working out better if you had only said or done something different, something "right". the things you play over and over in your head trying to decipher untill you finally realize that youre reading too much into it. even if it wasnt such a big event, just all the little things you catch, all the insignificant little things that you accidentaly take as signs. they werent really anything tho, just things that stood out when you saw them because you were looking for them. i guess you were looking because you hope that what you see might be true. although it probably isnt. so you take all these things you accumulate and build an idea. even if it has been in your head in the past and you discarded it because well, it was just in your head, it wasnt real. and you take this idea and start bringing more little hopes into it. before you know it you have so many little signs that you think it must be true. although its only based on little hopes and little situations that mean nothing. nothingness that you took as signs because you think, what if those situations had gone differently? what if you had done something different, what would have happened then? but if it had gone differently nothing would have changed. your hopes would still be untrue and everything would still be the same. its fun to pretend tho. believing that something that makes you happy is true, even if a part of you knows its completely false. eventually you run into more signs, things that tell you you might have been wrong. you begin to doubt yourself. finally you realize what youve been doing wrong. reading too much into things, thats been the problem all along. you recreated so many situations that they became what you wanted them to be instead of what they really were. you fabricated this entire complication in your head, from begining to end. and althought it shouldnt, it breaks your heart. sometimes tho, you go back to the first what ifs. the ones that made you happier because your hopes had come true. sometimes you get back in that mindset and you start seeing more signs and you start believing it again and it starts all over again. you start to set yourself up for another disapointment. even if your doubts told you better. but those doubts didnt mean anything... because it makes you happier to pretend that what you want is real.