In motion
It's amazing how quickly the feeling of confidence falls to foolishness once the thing that is meant to be done is done. I sent some letters yesterday, one of them a long shot, the other less of one, but I put a lot of myself into each of those and was sure as soon as the button was pushed that I'd made a fool of myself. I've since received two positive responses yet I still feel a little foolish for my output. Strangely, I think it's what I let out that generated the responses; I feel like I've figured out the game but am nervous to win. Because knowing how to win and winning are two different things, and what if my follow through doesn't cut it? I'm being silly, I know, and I will win. It's just a matter of proceeding in spite of my foolishness.
Now I must decide whether I really want these things. I think I want the long shot (that turned out to be a little more in reach than I anticipated. Somehow that's as gratifying as it is terrifying).
Of course, there's no pay involved, but that's okay, it's about building something, which I haven't spent enough time trying to do lately. I will wait until the evening to respond to either because I have actual, if unsatisfying, work to do, and I will have had time by then to suss out my thoughts.
I can already feel the wind. I am excited.
Now I must decide whether I really want these things. I think I want the long shot (that turned out to be a little more in reach than I anticipated. Somehow that's as gratifying as it is terrifying).
Of course, there's no pay involved, but that's okay, it's about building something, which I haven't spent enough time trying to do lately. I will wait until the evening to respond to either because I have actual, if unsatisfying, work to do, and I will have had time by then to suss out my thoughts.
I can already feel the wind. I am excited.