(no subject)
I seem to only update this thing when I am in a sore spot. Frustration gets the best of me and I need to vent, so I run to livejournal as I have had little success with a hand-written journal. Perhaps it's the idea that someone will actually be reading my thoughts, as opposed to me pouring over them repeatedly for days.
I hate money. I hate being the sole provider. I do not think that it is fair to live in a relationship, a partnership, and to feel forced to contribute MUCH MORE than my fair share. I understand disliking your job and not wanting to go, hell, I hate my job but I work. I am an adult and I have responsibilities and I do what I can to meet them. He, on the other hand, does not. This is possibly a product of our upbringing, me watching my parents scrap for everything they had, him getting and having everything he wanted when he wanted it and not having to work for it. I always seem to date those that haven't wanted for anything and then I take on the role of their provider. Why? I do not know. I feel like I need to take care of people, again, a product of childhood.
I hate that financial issues can drive such a wedge between us, but I am exhausted. Physically, emotionally, every -ly you can think of. I am stressed about bills and the many things that need to be accomplished and he isn't. Is this because he isn't contributing or because he just doesn't give a shit about being in debt? Either way, it isn't fair to me. Worst part? I can't discuss it with him. Why? He doesn't, won't, talk about money. Maybe he's embarrased by the fact that he has none. Funny thing, when we filed taxes, I only made $2000 more than him, so how is it possible that I always have more money?
His schedule: Wake up. Go to work. Come home. Sleep. Watch television. Sleep.
It isn't fair and it doesn't make sense.
Venting done.
I hate money. I hate being the sole provider. I do not think that it is fair to live in a relationship, a partnership, and to feel forced to contribute MUCH MORE than my fair share. I understand disliking your job and not wanting to go, hell, I hate my job but I work. I am an adult and I have responsibilities and I do what I can to meet them. He, on the other hand, does not. This is possibly a product of our upbringing, me watching my parents scrap for everything they had, him getting and having everything he wanted when he wanted it and not having to work for it. I always seem to date those that haven't wanted for anything and then I take on the role of their provider. Why? I do not know. I feel like I need to take care of people, again, a product of childhood.
I hate that financial issues can drive such a wedge between us, but I am exhausted. Physically, emotionally, every -ly you can think of. I am stressed about bills and the many things that need to be accomplished and he isn't. Is this because he isn't contributing or because he just doesn't give a shit about being in debt? Either way, it isn't fair to me. Worst part? I can't discuss it with him. Why? He doesn't, won't, talk about money. Maybe he's embarrased by the fact that he has none. Funny thing, when we filed taxes, I only made $2000 more than him, so how is it possible that I always have more money?
His schedule: Wake up. Go to work. Come home. Sleep. Watch television. Sleep.
It isn't fair and it doesn't make sense.
Venting done.