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[sorrowswriting]

Welcome to the Death Note Anonymous Kink Meme! (#2)

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* Comment anonymously with a kinkfic request. All requests must contain a character or pairing/threesome/moresome (any combination of guys/girls/shinigami/whatever are OK, crossovers are fine too), and at least one kink. If you need inspiration, check out this huge list of kinks by eliade.

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To Lose Your Ears Part 3

[anonymous]

Maybe it was his imagination but he kept thinking that Raito was looking at him after that. Watching him. He told himself that it was stupid, that Raito wasn’t but he couldn’t help thinking that he could see it and it made him feel vaguely embarrassed. Maybe Raito was thinking that he was weird, now that Matsuda was the only member of the team with ears. Hell, Matsuda probably was weird. What kind of guy still had his ears at 26 years old? It was pretty lame, especially when the eighteen year old in your team had lost his. But he was working too hard and too much to really want to go and pick people up and anyway … he wanted Raito.

Stupid. So stupid. Like a kid with a favourite toy. But if he tried to think about losing his ears with anyone else, he found himself feeling vaguely as though he was betraying Raito. It was pathetic and Matsuda was disgusted with himself for feeling like that. He supposed that maybe it would be different if he actually meant someone but … he hadn’t. And couldn’t. So really, he was stuck with suffering a teenage infatuation until it went away. And stuck with his stupid ears.

And stuck with little dreams that maybe, just maybe, Raito was looking at him …

He had been following Raito around for a few days because Raito had asked for a volunteer to help him organise some of the old files that Watari and L had left behind in the old headquarters and Matsuda had eagerly volunteered. It wasn’t as much fun as it could have been because Raito was a serious worker and wouldn’t allow Matsuda to distract him very much but Matsuda quite enjoyed it anyway. He was being of some use for once (and yes, Aizawa or Mogi or Ide could have done this job but they hadn’t really wanted to and Matsuda had so that made him useful, right?) and it meant he got to spend some time alone with Raito and that was quite fun too.

“What’s going to happen to this place?” he asked Raito, as Raito shuffled through some papers.

“I’m not quite sure,” Raito said. “I don’t really know who owns it to be honest. Part of the reason for this work is that I’m hoping we’ll find something that means I’ll know what to do with it.”

“Anything useful in these papers?”

“These appear to be invoices for imported confectionary.”

Matsuda laughed at Raito’s vaguely annoyed tone and without thinking, reached over to ruffle his hair. Raito dodged the hand quite skilfully and gave Matsuda a vaguely annoyed look. Matsuda sighed and felt his ears droop guiltily and his tail went limp. Raito clearly saw the signs and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Don’t look so down,” he said. “I just don’t want you messing up my hair.”

“I bet the Chief would say that you should have kept your ears if you didn’t want people messing up your hair,” Matsuda said with a smile to show that he didn’t mind. Raito rolled his eyes and shoved the invoices away from him, looking at another tray of paper, seemingly thinking the conversation was over. Matsuda wasn’t so sure. Now that he’d mentioned it, maybe …

“What’s it like?”

He hadn’t meant to blurt it out quite so roughly or without build-up and when Raito blinked at him, he felt himself blushing very red and staring sheepishly at the floor.

“What’s what like?” Raito asked.

“L-losing your ears. N-not the sex bit, I mean … does it … hurt?”

He couldn’t quite bring himself to look at Raito’s face as he spoke and continued his study of the floor. Raito gave a soft laugh and Matsuda felt redness fill his cheeks. Stupid, stupid. If Raito hadn’t thought he was an idiot before (unlikely) he certainly would now. Stupid.

“Do you really want to know?” Raito asked.

“It … it doesn’t matter,” Matsuda said quickly. “Sorry, sorry to ask such a stupid question, I just … ”

“You wondered,” Raito said. “It’s okay, Matsuda-san. I used to wonder too. Everyone does, don’t they? Do you really want to know?”

Matsuda’s mouth felt suddenly dry. He wasn’t sure why. Something about Raito’s voice was making his legs feel a bit weak and he sat down casually on one of the boxes, staring at his hands and telling himself not to be so idiotic.

To Lose Your Ears Part 4

[anonymous]

“Yes,” he whispered, still not daring to look at Raito’s face and only the soft rustling noise told him that Raito had moved so they were looking at each other - or would be if Matsuda could bring himself to lift his head.

“It wasn’t what I expected,” Raito said softly. “Not at all. Neither Misa and I really knew what would happen so of course, we were both a little apprehensive. But she didn’t want to wait and I … well, like you said yourself, what sort of man would I be if I didn’t want her?”

Matsuda swallowed a little. Oh God, he shouldn’t have asked this question. He shouldn’t be picturing Raito and Misa in bed together. He really, really shouldn’t. And yet the image wouldn’t go away, it seemed to have been tattooed on his brain.

“I wasn’t sure when it would happen,” Raito said and from the noises, he was shuffling papers, as though this conversation was quite normal. “Or how it would. So I just concentrated on enjoying it. And then … then I was inside her and she was so warm, so … pliant and I ran my hands through her hair and they just … weren’t attached. I thought it might have hurt her but she didn’t seem in pain - oh, she really didn’t seem in pain. And then … ”

His voice trailed off and Matsuda finally dared look up. Raito was staring at him and the look on his face made Matsuda shudder because Raito looked hungry, as though desperately wanting something he couldn’t have and his cheeks were just slightly flushed and his eyes … oh God, those eyes and now Matsuda had looked, he couldn’t look away, as though captured by some sort of hypnosis.

“You can’t imagine how it feels,” Raito whispered. “You just can’t. I thought it would hurt … your ears and tail are attached, how could anything leave your body without it hurting? But you just feel this kind of looseness in yourself and then … then this pull, this strange, amazing dragging feeling in your head and down your spine and this ... this heat and … oh, then I could see why Misa wasn’t in pain because it feels so good … ”

“And … and then?” Matsuda croaked, hating the fact that his mouth and lips were so dry but feeling unable to do anything to help himself. Even swallowing was beyond him now. He couldn’t stop staring at Raito’s mouth as he talked, watching the way his lips moved and the tongue that moved behind them.

“I lost track of it a little,” Raito said, a smile quirking his lips. “Just waves of that loosening, pulling pleasure and then a jolt and your ears and tail are no longer attached to you. That was when I came.”

Matsuda shivered, despite the fact that storeroom was far too hot (he told himself it had to be something to do with the heating, not himself) His body felt prickly and he hoped that Raito couldn’t see how hard he was. Oh God, why had Raito said all that, why had Matsuda asked the question …?

“Matsuda-san … ” Raito whispered. “Come here.”

“C-come …?”

If he moved, if he came closer, Raito would see what he’d done to him (idiot, he must know already, he must, how could anyone not be aware of how hard you are when you can’t hide your emotions at the best of times?)

“Come here,” Raito repeated, his tone insistent and Matsuda forced movement into numb legs and struggled to his feet, moving hesitantly over to where Raito knelt on the floor, surrounded by abandoned papers. Once there, he sank onto the floor, staring into Raito’s eyes again. If he moved a little … they were so close, he could smell Raito, smell his scent and musk and …

Raito’s fingers touched his chin and Matsuda whimpered without meaning to. He saw Raito smile and then he moved forwards slightly, his mouth tantalisingly close to Matsuda’s, breath brushing over Matsuda’s lips.

“Should I, Matsuda-san?”

To Lose Your Ears Part 5.0 (first half of original's part 5)

[anonymous]

“Should …?” Matsuda croaked. He had no idea what Raito was asking him. All coherency was leaving him, his body didn’t feel under his own control any more and all he could think of was Raito’s mouth, his mouth and body and the way he smelt ...

“You have to say yes,” Raito whispered. “I won’t do unless you want me too. You know that. Should I take your ears, Matsuda-san?”

Matsuda whined. It was a stupid, childish sound but he suddenly felt like a child, being offered something that he couldn’t have, that he knew he couldn’t have and so the offer couldn’t be real, none of it could be real, not really. Raito’s hand slid up to stroke through his hair and caress his ears. The touch was inflaming and Matsuda twisted underneath it, whimpering and trying to press nearer but Raito moved back slightly, not allowing them any closer contact.

“I should warn you,” he whispered and his lips were slightly closer to Matsuda’s now. “I’m demanding, Matsuda-san. I will expect something in return. I will expect to be repaid … ”

“Anything,” Matsuda gasped. “You can have anything … R-raito, Raito-kun, I … oh God … ”

“Should I take your ears?”

“Yes!”

Raito kissed him and Matsuda crumbled beneath the touch, clutching at Raito’s shirt, melding their bodies together and kissing frantically. He had no idea what was really happening any longer, just knew that he wanted this, that he needed this and Raito was offering it. Morality, sense, thought, all fled his brain and he could think of nothing else but losing his ears to the beautiful man in front of him. Raito’s kisses were equally frantic and he was yanking at Matsuda’s clothes roughly, not seeming to care very much if they tore from the assault. Matsuda didn’t care either. He whimpered and whined into Raito’s mouth, wordlessly begging and Raito didn’t seem to have any problems responding to it. His hands were inside Matsuda’s trousers and he was touching and groping and Matsuda bit back a cry and Raito whispered “No, Matsuda, scream for me, no one can hear you here, scream for me - ” so he did, making sounds he’d never known he could make as Raito’s hand roughly stroked him and kissed and bit and pressed against him.

To Lose Your Ears Part 5.5 (second half of original's part 5)

[anonymous]

“It will hurt,” Raito said and his voice was thick with passion. “I haven’t … anything. It will hurt you.”

“Don’t care,” Matsuda gasped back. “I don’t care, you can … you can … oh God, Raito, Raito, please, Raito … ”

“Oh yes,” Raito whispered and his voice was suddenly savage in a way that Matsuda couldn’t understand. “Yes, like that, Matsuda, beg for me … ”

Matsuda would have done anything he was asked. He didn’t care why Raito’s voice had changed, why Raito was shaking above him, even why Raito was doing this. He didn’t care for anything in that moment except for satisfaction and he begged shamelessly, arching himself against Raito, saying anything that came into his head in order to get Raito to continue what he was doing. Raito laughed and his laugh was wild, almost terrifying and so Matsuda kissed him to silence it, tasting Raito’s mouth eagerly, arching his body again and Raito made a soft noise of his own and rubbed against Matsuda, hands raking down Matsuda’s back and catching hold of his tail, stroking it and pulling on it, making Matsuda whimper.

“I need this,” he croaked into Raito’s mouth as Raito eased of the final few articles of clothing. “I do, I do, I need … Raito, Raito, you … please, please, do this, please give me … please … ”

“You’re lucky,” Raito’s voice hummed against his throat. “You know you shouldn’t be having this from me, don’t you, Touta? You know I’m too good for you, for this.”

The use of his first name eclipsed everything else Raito was saying and Matsuda shook and sobbed, knowing he ought to respond and finding it harder and harder to make his throat work in any meaningful way. He nodded feverishly, stroking Raito’s beautiful hair, squirming needily and sucking at Raito’s silky skin. Raito’s hands were between his legs around, one lazily petting and the other feeling, exploring, pushing, making Matsuda whimper with desire. He didn’t want to be prepared, he didn’t care if it hurt, didn’t care if it tore his insides to shreds, he just needed and Raito was playing with him, playing with him and oh …

To Lose Your Ears Part 6

[anonymous]

“Raito, Raito, please, please, Raito … ”

“Touta,” Raito whispered again. It was all he said but it made Matsuda moan and he was hardly aware when Raito finally withdrew his fingers and shoved him backwards, sending Matsuda sprawling on paper and the hard floor. He barely had time to think about it before Raito was on top of him, kissing and touching and encouraging him to roll over. Matsuda obeyed, bracing himself on the floor and whimpering as Raito’s hands rubbed at his back and moved lower, so much lower and then Raito was inside him and yes, it did hurt, it hurt a lot and Matsuda tried to bite back his cry but Raito whispered “No, scream for me.” again and Matsuda obeyed, wailing with pain and screwing his eyes shut against embarrassing tears. Raito made a sound, almost like satisfaction and he pushed harder and Matsuda swore rather than screamed, obscenities spilling from his throat and he didn’t know if he wanted for Raito to stop to or to continue.

“Yes,” Raito hissed. “Yes, like that, Touta. Just like that, I want you broken, begging, just like this!”

Matsuda responded with a whimper. He didn’t understand why Raito was saying such things, what it meant, so he ignored it and it was easy to ignore because the pain was lessening the pleasure was increasing, his body felt hot and boneless and he kept on moaning and whimpering and twisting under Raito’s skilled hands and Raito’s gentle thrusts.

“I love you!” he whined and Raito laughed, another crazy, wild laugh that was terrifying and delicious at the same time. He clutched at the floor, squirming and pushing upwards into Raito’s body. His body was pulsing with pleasure now, flooding with delightful, dizzying sensation and yes, yes, this had to be what Raito had meant, the loose, pulling that was inside him. He didn’t feel anything else but that, didn’t feel the pain any more, just arched and writhed and whimpered until it was all too much for him. His body went limp and he screamed Raito’s name, wondering if this was the closest he’d ever felt to ecstasy.

For a few minutes, he just lay there, gasping. He wasn’t even sure if Raito had come for a while, just felt him lazily move against him and soft hands in his hair.

“What will you say?” Raito said softly. “About your ears?”

Matsuda was too sleepy to think of a reply. He shook his head a little and lay back into Raito’s warmth, wanting to stay cuddled against him. Raito made a soft, amused noise and continued stroking, lazy touches that lulled Matsuda into a peaceful half-doze that he only woke from when Raito moved away from him. Looking up, he saw Raito stretching languidly, arms above his head. He looked beautiful although Matsuda winced to see the scratches and love bites he’d left.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “Sorry … ”

“That’s all right,” Raito said with a smile. “Misa’s working a lot at the moment so I won’t be spotted.”

He reached out and stroked Matsuda's hair. Matsuda looked at the floor and saw his ears, lying on the floor. They looked a lot smaller now they weren’t attached to his head. He twisted round and looked at his tail, curled up. He felt oddly bare without them.

To Lose Your Ears Part 7

[anonymous]

“Don’t worry,” Raito said lightly. “You’ll get used to it. Are you sore?”

“A little,” Matsuda said, automatically reaching up to rub his ears and then remembering that they weren’t there. He was more than a little sore really but he didn’t think Raito really wanted to hear it. Raito smiled at him and Matsuda guessed that he knew Matsuda was more than a little sore.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “It’ll get better. I … am sorry if I was too rough though. I got a little … carried away.”

“That’s okay,” Matsuda said quickly. “It’s really okay, Raito-kun! I … ”

He suspected it might be presumptuous to say that he’d enjoyed it so he went quiet and stared at the floor instead. Raito’s soft fingers touched his cheek and Matsuda looked up again.

“It’s a secret,” Raito murmured. “You mustn’t ever tell anyone, Matsuda-san.”

Matsuda wished it hadn’t needed saying. Shame swept over him as he thought about the Chief, about Misa-Misa and about how their faces would look if they ever found out. He flushed and nodded his head quickly, trying not to think about it and to his surprise, Raito gave him a hug.

“It’s all right,” he said. “It wasn’t your fault, Matsuda-san. I wanted it too. I loved it. But you can’t tell. You mustn’t. I … I can’t have you tell.”

“I promise,” Matsuda said quickly. “I promise, Raito-kun. I don’t want to ruin anything for you. I don’t want … ”

Raito kissed him lightly before drawing back and beginning to gather up his clothes.

“We should shower,” he said. “Luckily, the water still works here.”

Matsuda nodded and did the same thing. It was easier to wash his hair without his ears. He kept thinking happily over and over the afternoon’s events. The things that made him feel vaguely uncomfortable, he shunted aside in his mind. It didn’t matter very much after all, that Raito had been behaving slightly oddly, that he’d said some rather violent things. People did strange things in sex, didn’t they? And it certainly, certainly wasn’t as though it hadn’t been nice …

Raito acted as though nothing had happened when Matsuda finally left the shower. He continued his work in silence for the most part, only speaking to order Matsuda to do something else or shred some more papers. Matsuda stayed quiet too, not wanting to cause Raito any distress. It was only as they prepared to leave that Raito took his hand and squeezed it gently.

“Thank you,” he said. “For letting me.”

“It … it wasn’t .. I mean …” Matsuda stuttered, feeling himself blush again, trying to find something to say. “Raito-kun … ”

“Perhaps another time,” Raito said lightly.

He walked away, leaving Matsuda feeling dizzy with hope. It wasn’t that he minded it only being once. Not at all. But the idea … the idea that Raito might want more …

Carrot in front of the donkey’s nose, he was to realise later. As long as Raito kept promising his attentions, as long as he occasionally kissed Matsuda and played with him and treated him like a pet, Masuda would stick by him and his adoration would only grow. But at the time … at the time, as he headed home with his ears and tail clutched in his hands, making up a half-way convincing lie to tell the others in the morning, it was something to celebrate. Something to rejoice over, the fact that he’d finally lost his ears - and he’d lost them to someone as wonderful as Raito.

And maybe, just maybe, the person he’d lost his ears to would want to sleep with him again.

Matsuda thought that had to be a good thing.