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Welcome to the Death Note Anonymous Kink Meme! (#2)
How it works:
* Comment anonymously with a kinkfic request. All requests must contain a character or pairing/threesome/moresome (any combination of guys/girls/shinigami/whatever are OK, crossovers are fine too), and at least one kink. If you need inspiration, check out this huge list of kinks by eliade. ( Read more... )
How it works:
* Comment anonymously with a kinkfic request. All requests must contain a character or pairing/threesome/moresome (any combination of guys/girls/shinigami/whatever are OK, crossovers are fine too), and at least one kink. If you need inspiration, check out this huge list of kinks by eliade. ( Read more... )
One of the newer orphans, a five year old named Noel, had asserted that she would marry Max, a year her senior. When asked why, she said that it was so that she could have babies... And then someone would have to love her. Furthermore, she had decided that she was pregnant now.
A few of the students in the youngest class were distressed, assuming that Max would have to go away forever, since he was going to be a daddy now, but Matt brought up that Max would have to send Noel money, and she could use it to buy medicine and cool candy that would make everyone happy again. Matt's little blond friend, Mello, countered that Max must be forced to marry Noel so that he can stay at Whammy and she can keep the baby.
Max started to cry, but Matt offered him a candy cigarette to calm him down, and Linda piped up cheerfully that someone should give Noel a 'Bortion', and then everything would be ok.
No one knew what a Bortion was. Near, usually quiet, asserted flatly that Linda must have meant a 'potion'. But potions are not real, just things that adults lie about, like Santa and God.
There was so much wrong with the conversation.
"Noel is not pregnant," L stated, "that is not how pregnancy works."
"How do you know L?" a boy named Lux asked innocently.
"L is an adult," Near stated, implying both that L knew things that the children did not, and that he was expected to lie about it. A nuance that annoyed L, but succeeded in prompting him to speak more truthfully.
"You can't declare pregnancy. And five-year-olds can't be pregnant. The human body doesn't work that way."
The children began to gather and sit around L, as if it were story time, and he knew what was coming.
"Tell us where babies come from!" Mello demanded cheerfully.
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All of the L's and M's, and most of the older N's nodded.
"Good, then as you know, in all of our cells, there are 23 chromosome pairs,including a sex chromosome, which is an X shape paired either another X or a Y shaped sex chromosome which determines our externally apparent gender. XX is female, and XY is male."
"Duh, L!" Mello snapped.
"Yeah, what about babies? How does Noel get pregnant?" a little girl asked.
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Noel is not pregnant because she... hasn't acquired a sermatozoan from Max and performed conception," L finished. As he was talking Max had attempted to hide in the corner.
There was a moment of silence as a room full of very smart, and very messed-up genius brains churned with questions.
Noel went first, "How do I get a sperm-a-zone out of Max?"
Max began to cry again, "Does it hurt?"
"NO!" L assured, "Well, yes, I suppose, sometimes," he continued, looking at the ceiling with his thumbnail pressed to his lip.
"Is that why people yell at each other during sex?" Matt asked.
"Sometimes, yes," L blushed, "Sometimes they just like to yell... wait, how much do you already know about sex?"
"Sex is what mommies do when they get out of money, and kids can't look, but it's really loud and painful," Matt explained. Max wailed, even though Matt tried to give him the rest of his candy cigarettes.
"Where does a sperm-a-zone come from?" Linda asked.
"Sermatozoan," L mumbled the correction, hating the situation he was in, "It comes from... the male testes."
"What's that?"
"The balls." Mello supplied helpfully. Max went white before letting out another wail, while nearly all of the other children laughed for nearly a minute at the word 'balls'.
"That must be why it hurts," Matt laughed.
"But where's the egg?" Linda asked.
"Oh! The boobs," Mello guessed.
"Er, no, Mello," L corrected uncomfortably.
"The vagina!" Mello guessed again.
"Close enough," L sighed. Near's black, beady little eyes narrowed up at him, and L could tell the little boy sensed a lie, "The ovaries," He exhaled, knowing he'd have to explain further, "two egg sacks attached to the uterus, attached to the vagina."
L sucked a large breath into his lungs, and continued in one exhalation, "A man stores sperm in the testes along with a protective protein fluid called 'semen'. In the act of coitus, he ejaculates this through the urethra into the vagina of the female, and it is sucked through the cervix into the uterus, where, if an egg is present after having been excreted through the Fallopian tube connected to one of the ovaries, syngamy can occur," He paused to breathe in again.
"In order to conceive both partners must have passed puberty, and the woman must be ovulating. Noel is not past puberty or ovulating, and Max cannot produce sperm, so Noel is not pregnant. Case solved."
The orphans seemed pleased with the explanation, even Near.
"What's going on, L?" Wattari's gentle aged voice called out into the room. The sudden shock caused L to fall backward in his chair.
"Nothing!" L replied.
"Is it snack time?" Lex asked the old man.
The children seemed to stop caring about the sex talk almost immediately, although max was quite shaken up for the test of the day. He was given an extra serving of gingerbread, and seemed happy, although he avoided Noel for almost a week afterward.
L vowed never to substitute teach for the youngest class again.
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