I'm old....:(
It's been a tough week. Wow.
I know, it's call Live Journal, not bitch journal, but like I said, it's been a rough week, and I need to get it out. I think I have to. Last Monday I was ALMOST in a horrible wreck. It happened right in front of me. Lady hydroplaned, spun around in front of me and then back and if she hadn't gotten out of the way, I would have hit it. And as much as I know it was an ALMOST accident, it stil scared the crap out of me. I stopped to make sure she was ok and then went on my merry way, very rattled.
Tuesday I was worried about a friend all day, battled traffic to get to the doctor on time and got in an argument with mom on the phone on the way. My BP was up, of course, and he wanted me to monitor it. When I went the next night to the WalGreens to test it, they sent me to the ER. YEA. Nothing makes you realize you've gained 60 lbs. in one year and stress out over everything like being in the ER with your husband over your blood pressure at 40. So that was a wake up call. The week just left me wrecked. Anxiety reared it's ugly head on and off, hopefully off for a bit. And I didn't get great sleep.
I have to change my diet and my attitude. I have a jump start, but I have to not let things get to me the way they do. I worry, borderline obsess about some things. I get super mad super fast over silly shit, like traffic or neighbors, stuff customers say. It's like ID is in control constantly. I eat how much of whatever I want whenever I want it. Brian calls himself a fat kid and I laugh but that's what I am. I say and do the first impulsive thing I want and now my weight and my heart are paying for it. I can officially say, I'm to old for this shit.
I am to old to worry about other peoples problems, no matter who they are. My best friend, my brother, my husband. I have to let people make their own decisions and live with that. They are going to do it anyway. What's the point in me worrying about it? No point. I'm to old to get worked up about shit I can't control, like say, traffic. It's a lesson we learn in life that gettin' all hot under the collar about this silly stuff is useless. I just have to learn it when I'm all old and set in my ways. I'm to damn old to be worried about what other people think. Everyone thinks, and they can think what they want from now on. I live for me and mine.
I just have to change some things. I have really been watching what I eat, and Brian is helping with that. As soon as the doc says I can, I will be walking, rain, shine, hot, cold.... I'll be out there doing something. I have to. I have to because, well, I'm not old to not do that shit.
I know, it's call Live Journal, not bitch journal, but like I said, it's been a rough week, and I need to get it out. I think I have to. Last Monday I was ALMOST in a horrible wreck. It happened right in front of me. Lady hydroplaned, spun around in front of me and then back and if she hadn't gotten out of the way, I would have hit it. And as much as I know it was an ALMOST accident, it stil scared the crap out of me. I stopped to make sure she was ok and then went on my merry way, very rattled.
Tuesday I was worried about a friend all day, battled traffic to get to the doctor on time and got in an argument with mom on the phone on the way. My BP was up, of course, and he wanted me to monitor it. When I went the next night to the WalGreens to test it, they sent me to the ER. YEA. Nothing makes you realize you've gained 60 lbs. in one year and stress out over everything like being in the ER with your husband over your blood pressure at 40. So that was a wake up call. The week just left me wrecked. Anxiety reared it's ugly head on and off, hopefully off for a bit. And I didn't get great sleep.
I have to change my diet and my attitude. I have a jump start, but I have to not let things get to me the way they do. I worry, borderline obsess about some things. I get super mad super fast over silly shit, like traffic or neighbors, stuff customers say. It's like ID is in control constantly. I eat how much of whatever I want whenever I want it. Brian calls himself a fat kid and I laugh but that's what I am. I say and do the first impulsive thing I want and now my weight and my heart are paying for it. I can officially say, I'm to old for this shit.
I am to old to worry about other peoples problems, no matter who they are. My best friend, my brother, my husband. I have to let people make their own decisions and live with that. They are going to do it anyway. What's the point in me worrying about it? No point. I'm to old to get worked up about shit I can't control, like say, traffic. It's a lesson we learn in life that gettin' all hot under the collar about this silly stuff is useless. I just have to learn it when I'm all old and set in my ways. I'm to damn old to be worried about what other people think. Everyone thinks, and they can think what they want from now on. I live for me and mine.
I just have to change some things. I have really been watching what I eat, and Brian is helping with that. As soon as the doc says I can, I will be walking, rain, shine, hot, cold.... I'll be out there doing something. I have to. I have to because, well, I'm not old to not do that shit.