Say It Out Loud (6/12)
Pairing: Liam/Zayn
Word Count: this chapter, 1390
Rating: NC17 as there will be future smut
Based on this prompt
In college the Monday after his dinner at home, Liam can’t stop thinking about the conversation he and Zayn had that night. Zayn had admitted that he was slightly jealous at how Liam’s family had been so warm and calm about introducing Zayn as his boyfriend. When Zayn had come out to his parents, it took them a long time to adjust, his mother accepting it more willingly than his father. When he told them he was going out with Liam his mother seemed fine with it but his father has refused to meet him since.
Zayn had reassured him that his Dad would come around and would have to get over it eventually anyway. He would accept Liam and although he was trying to remain calm, Liam remembers with a tug in his heart the sad smile that lingered on Zayn’s face.
“Are you paying attention or what?” his friend Josh leans over the table and pokes his pen in Liam’s face.
“Sorry” Liam swats the pen away and Josh sidles over on the bench seat towards him.
“What’s going on with you lately, you’re always staring into space, is everything OK?” Josh frowns, chewing on the lid of the pen, his teeth making strange indents on the blue plastic.
“Yeah sorry, I just have some things going on” Liam smiles, trying to reassure Josh that he is definitely OK. He wants to actually tell Josh everything that is going on with Zayn, how perfect he is but Josh would only make gagging sounds and roll his eyes playfully. It makes him think with a fond smile that he would really get along with Niall.
“Who is he?” Josh sighs and Liam bites down on a smile.
“OI, keep quiet back there!” their professor snaps and Liam whispers a quiet “I’ll tell you later” before returning back to his notes.
After class Liam fills Josh in on everything as they walk home, well not in as much detail as Liam would prefer but Josh gets the jist.
“He sounds really great man, I’m happy for you!” Josh looks genuine and claps Liam on the shoulder.
“So, is he good in bed?” he asks Liam with a wicked grin and Liam blushes strongly, quiet offended by Josh’s question.
“You have not had sex yet?” Josh frowns and Liam looks up at a floating cloud with interest.
“Not really no” he admits but refuses to feel ashamed.
“Better get up on that if he really is as good looking as you say, or else he’ll be off looking for someone else”
Liam squawks in indignation.
“I’m joking Li, calm down. But seriously, why not yet?” Josh laughs and Liam actually does not know the answer to that question. He decides to ask Zayn later and pretends not to panic about what Josh said about Zayn leaving him for someone else.
~~
Of course he freezes up before he asks Zayn and Zayn tears his eyes away from the film they are watching and looks at Liam.
‘Spit it out’ he returns back to the television, knowing Liam needs time to think when he looks this anxious. Liam leans over and snatches the remote out of Zayn’s hands and switches the TV off. If he is going to do this he wants all of Zayn’s attention.
‘I was just wondering’ Liam starts but finishes, suddenly shy under Zayn’s thoughtful gaze. Zayn huffs out impatiently and repositions himself so he can see Liam clearly. They sit across from each other in the lotus position, knees touching and Liam hopes that Zayn can’t feel the way his tremble.
‘It’s about sex’
Liam punishes himself inwardly. He usually likes the fact that he has to communicate with Zayn physically; it enables him to keep from blurting out his thoughts as they come. It gives him time to think before he speaks but right now it seems that filter has disappeared.
‘And us having it’
He really wants the ground to swallow him up right now, especially when Zayn’s own face darkens and his eyes flash with what looks like embarrassment or worry. Liam is going with the first option. Zayn waves his hand abruptly, encouraging Liam to go on.
‘Well I mean, we have been going out a long time now and I just, I think it’s time we partook in said action’
Normal-Liam is screaming at him in his head, what the hell is wrong with him? Zayn is looking down at the space between his legs and gnawing on his lip. Liam grows more and more uncomfortable in the silence, more so because Zayn seems so uneasy. He looks up finally.
‘I’ve never had sex before’
Liam feels his jaw drop and his eyes widen. How in the hell is that possible. Zayn is what any person in their right mind gay or straight, would call a walking sex god.
‘Well who wants to have sex with a fucking deaf guy, I mean really? Nobody has ever really paid attention to me in that way, ever’
Zayn’s hands move rapidly and his embarrassment is evident, he is trying to hide it by being defensive.
‘I’m sure they have Zayn, it is hard not to notice you’
Zayn blushes at that but does not seem convinced and still gives off signs of feeling ashamed.
‘Anyway, it is nothing to be embarrassed about, I was just shocked is all’
‘What kind of nineteen year old is a virgin?’ Zayn looks angry now too and this is not how Liam wanted this to go at all.
‘A lot Zayn trust me, you are not the only one’
‘You’re not’
‘So? And wait, how do you know?’
Zayn raises his eyebrows and Liam fights back a laugh at how well Zayn knows him.
‘Well that is beside the point, do you want to or not?’ Liam asks, serious now and refusing to break eye contact with the embarrassed Zayn.
‘Of course I do you idiot’
‘Then why do you look so devastated, I’ve never seen someone so depressed about the idea of sex before’
Zayn laughs at that and punches Liam gently in the shoulder.
‘I just. I won’t have a clue what I’ll be doing and I will just be bad. You will probably hate it’
Liam sometimes wants to shake Zayn when he reveals his insecurities because he cannot wrap his head around them. He reaches over and cradles Zayn’s face in his hands.
“Trust me Zayn, I will not hate it, I will love it” he says out loud so Zayn can read his lips. Zayn frowns and Liam lets out a shaky breath and opens his mouth again, his voice barely a whisper. “And I love you”
Zayn’s frown deepens and he pulls out of Liam’s gentle grip.
‘What did you say?’
Liam panics. Why did he say that?! His eyes dart around the room for some kind of inspiration for a cover-up but they land back on Zayn’s. Zayn obviously knew what he said. There was no point in lying.
He lifts his right hand to his eye. Then he spreads both hands across his chest, shifting his left hand slightly so it rests against his heart where he holds it there for a few seconds. He then points his shaky index finger directly at Zayn whose dark eyes are wide.
He breathes in and out heavily for a moment, scared of what Zayn will do. He might jump off the couch and disappear forever, leaving Liam alone in a life of misery.
His stomach bubbles when Zayn mirrors Liam’s movements. His hands are shaking and his eyes are shining with what Liam realises with a twist in his gut are tears. When he ends the sentiment they look at each other, unsure and hopeful and both so in love that it makes Liam want to either burst out crying or lunge himself at the older boy.
He dares to let himself smile and Zayn follows suit.
He tells him he loves him again and Zayn repeats it, his whole face lighting up. Liam’s heart feels like it is trying to burst out of his chest and he grips Zayn’s shoulders tightly, dragging him in for a kiss which keeps breaking when they can’t help but smile against each other’s lips.
//
part seven
Word Count: this chapter, 1390
Rating: NC17 as there will be future smut
Based on this prompt
In college the Monday after his dinner at home, Liam can’t stop thinking about the conversation he and Zayn had that night. Zayn had admitted that he was slightly jealous at how Liam’s family had been so warm and calm about introducing Zayn as his boyfriend. When Zayn had come out to his parents, it took them a long time to adjust, his mother accepting it more willingly than his father. When he told them he was going out with Liam his mother seemed fine with it but his father has refused to meet him since.
Zayn had reassured him that his Dad would come around and would have to get over it eventually anyway. He would accept Liam and although he was trying to remain calm, Liam remembers with a tug in his heart the sad smile that lingered on Zayn’s face.
“Are you paying attention or what?” his friend Josh leans over the table and pokes his pen in Liam’s face.
“Sorry” Liam swats the pen away and Josh sidles over on the bench seat towards him.
“What’s going on with you lately, you’re always staring into space, is everything OK?” Josh frowns, chewing on the lid of the pen, his teeth making strange indents on the blue plastic.
“Yeah sorry, I just have some things going on” Liam smiles, trying to reassure Josh that he is definitely OK. He wants to actually tell Josh everything that is going on with Zayn, how perfect he is but Josh would only make gagging sounds and roll his eyes playfully. It makes him think with a fond smile that he would really get along with Niall.
“Who is he?” Josh sighs and Liam bites down on a smile.
“OI, keep quiet back there!” their professor snaps and Liam whispers a quiet “I’ll tell you later” before returning back to his notes.
After class Liam fills Josh in on everything as they walk home, well not in as much detail as Liam would prefer but Josh gets the jist.
“He sounds really great man, I’m happy for you!” Josh looks genuine and claps Liam on the shoulder.
“So, is he good in bed?” he asks Liam with a wicked grin and Liam blushes strongly, quiet offended by Josh’s question.
“You have not had sex yet?” Josh frowns and Liam looks up at a floating cloud with interest.
“Not really no” he admits but refuses to feel ashamed.
“Better get up on that if he really is as good looking as you say, or else he’ll be off looking for someone else”
Liam squawks in indignation.
“I’m joking Li, calm down. But seriously, why not yet?” Josh laughs and Liam actually does not know the answer to that question. He decides to ask Zayn later and pretends not to panic about what Josh said about Zayn leaving him for someone else.
~~
Of course he freezes up before he asks Zayn and Zayn tears his eyes away from the film they are watching and looks at Liam.
‘Spit it out’ he returns back to the television, knowing Liam needs time to think when he looks this anxious. Liam leans over and snatches the remote out of Zayn’s hands and switches the TV off. If he is going to do this he wants all of Zayn’s attention.
‘I was just wondering’ Liam starts but finishes, suddenly shy under Zayn’s thoughtful gaze. Zayn huffs out impatiently and repositions himself so he can see Liam clearly. They sit across from each other in the lotus position, knees touching and Liam hopes that Zayn can’t feel the way his tremble.
‘It’s about sex’
Liam punishes himself inwardly. He usually likes the fact that he has to communicate with Zayn physically; it enables him to keep from blurting out his thoughts as they come. It gives him time to think before he speaks but right now it seems that filter has disappeared.
‘And us having it’
He really wants the ground to swallow him up right now, especially when Zayn’s own face darkens and his eyes flash with what looks like embarrassment or worry. Liam is going with the first option. Zayn waves his hand abruptly, encouraging Liam to go on.
‘Well I mean, we have been going out a long time now and I just, I think it’s time we partook in said action’
Normal-Liam is screaming at him in his head, what the hell is wrong with him? Zayn is looking down at the space between his legs and gnawing on his lip. Liam grows more and more uncomfortable in the silence, more so because Zayn seems so uneasy. He looks up finally.
‘I’ve never had sex before’
Liam feels his jaw drop and his eyes widen. How in the hell is that possible. Zayn is what any person in their right mind gay or straight, would call a walking sex god.
‘Well who wants to have sex with a fucking deaf guy, I mean really? Nobody has ever really paid attention to me in that way, ever’
Zayn’s hands move rapidly and his embarrassment is evident, he is trying to hide it by being defensive.
‘I’m sure they have Zayn, it is hard not to notice you’
Zayn blushes at that but does not seem convinced and still gives off signs of feeling ashamed.
‘Anyway, it is nothing to be embarrassed about, I was just shocked is all’
‘What kind of nineteen year old is a virgin?’ Zayn looks angry now too and this is not how Liam wanted this to go at all.
‘A lot Zayn trust me, you are not the only one’
‘You’re not’
‘So? And wait, how do you know?’
Zayn raises his eyebrows and Liam fights back a laugh at how well Zayn knows him.
‘Well that is beside the point, do you want to or not?’ Liam asks, serious now and refusing to break eye contact with the embarrassed Zayn.
‘Of course I do you idiot’
‘Then why do you look so devastated, I’ve never seen someone so depressed about the idea of sex before’
Zayn laughs at that and punches Liam gently in the shoulder.
‘I just. I won’t have a clue what I’ll be doing and I will just be bad. You will probably hate it’
Liam sometimes wants to shake Zayn when he reveals his insecurities because he cannot wrap his head around them. He reaches over and cradles Zayn’s face in his hands.
“Trust me Zayn, I will not hate it, I will love it” he says out loud so Zayn can read his lips. Zayn frowns and Liam lets out a shaky breath and opens his mouth again, his voice barely a whisper. “And I love you”
Zayn’s frown deepens and he pulls out of Liam’s gentle grip.
‘What did you say?’
Liam panics. Why did he say that?! His eyes dart around the room for some kind of inspiration for a cover-up but they land back on Zayn’s. Zayn obviously knew what he said. There was no point in lying.
He lifts his right hand to his eye. Then he spreads both hands across his chest, shifting his left hand slightly so it rests against his heart where he holds it there for a few seconds. He then points his shaky index finger directly at Zayn whose dark eyes are wide.
He breathes in and out heavily for a moment, scared of what Zayn will do. He might jump off the couch and disappear forever, leaving Liam alone in a life of misery.
His stomach bubbles when Zayn mirrors Liam’s movements. His hands are shaking and his eyes are shining with what Liam realises with a twist in his gut are tears. When he ends the sentiment they look at each other, unsure and hopeful and both so in love that it makes Liam want to either burst out crying or lunge himself at the older boy.
He dares to let himself smile and Zayn follows suit.
He tells him he loves him again and Zayn repeats it, his whole face lighting up. Liam’s heart feels like it is trying to burst out of his chest and he grips Zayn’s shoulders tightly, dragging him in for a kiss which keeps breaking when they can’t help but smile against each other’s lips.
//
part seven